My nephew went off the rails 3yrs ago when my mother died. I guess we all went off thr rails in different ways. he was only 13 at the time i think. he got involved with bad boys and started smking weed and good knows what else. He lives abroad so i don't see him a lot. I got a message from a cousin today saying i should ring as he is really ill. I got upset naturally thinking the worst. i always think the worst.

I am frustrated because he was sent to some kind of rehab, I think as soon as he started displaying withrawal symptoms, they sent him home, said he sick and he should be sent to hopsital. I dont understand, i am not getting clear communication from his mother, my sister, or my brother so im sitting here feeling miserable and unable to help. what will a phone call do? I want to see if he can get proper help and in a proper rehab, he can't just die at 16!! i couldn't bear it.

Another friend/colleague today looked very depressed. I teased him and said maybe he was having his period. he can be such a drama queen when he likes. Eventually he called me outside and explained why he was especially grumpy today. he is feeling depressed because he feels like he is wasting his life and can't decide whether to stay in London or move back to France. He had a zexual encouter last year without a condom, the fucker gave him HIV/ I think it was a big step for him to trust me and off load. he hasnt been for couselling. insists he is ok, clearly he isn't.I can offer an ear but i think he needs to talk to professionals who can offer him hope so he slows down and doesnt think he'll die soon. His depression worries me, it's simmering beneath the surface and i am afraid he might hurt himself. He is only 26!!

I insisted today that he sees someone and even offered a place i know of in west london. I have offered to go with him to a couselling centre of his choosing but made him promise to honour his commitment sometime in this coming week. I will be upset if he doesn't do it.

I think it was a little too much for me to get all the news today. I care a lot but i would rather not have heard all this. I now want to have a good cry and i'm not even a crier usually.:(

Thank you for lending an ear, i had to offload:)