This was written by Guy Browning from The "Weekend Guardian" magazine:

Affairs are emotional Botox. They make you feel better about yourself in the short  term, but leave an ugly mess in the long term.

The telltale signs of a woman having an affair are that she suddenly becomes happy and content, the average height of her heels increases by an inch, her knickers suddenly become flimsier, she talks less in case she gives anything away and she has puncture marks on her neck.
(Im not sure what puncture marks are)

With men, telltale signs are buying clothes in idffrent colours, starting to go to a lot of conferences, flimsier underpants, hair getting washed during the day and he starts calling you Abigail.
(why Abigail??)

The office is one large incubator for office affairs. Afterall 90%of office life is spent in "meetings". It's kind of speed dating with irritating work aspects thrown in.  The only person in the office you can be absolutely sure is not having sex is yourself.

Email and texting often spark affairs. A text can lead, within five minutes to chatting, flirtuing, improper suggestions and hotel room reservation. On the other hand, your other half casually reading through your sent messages is quicker and cheaper than hiring a private detective to trace your movements. Remember, erasing all your messages is another sure sign of guilt.

One reason why people have affairs is because there is great sex involved and for people who have been married a long time, any sex is great. An affair recreates the amazing first stages of a relationship, when there is a lot of fizzing sexual energy and very little washing each other's underpants and taking out the rubbish.

If you're  invited to the house of someone you fancy and end up doing a series of domestic chores, you might be missing the point of an affair. People having affairs think think that everyone else is blind, but if you are boffing  someone you shouldn't be, you can guarantee that everyone else knows all about it, often in greater detail than you do.
(Isn't this a bit scary? for all those smug people out there who think nobody knows?)

If you are the last to know, it's generally for two reasons: the first is that your partner is working in Ghana for six months of the year; the second is that you pay so little attention to your partner that that you wouldn't notice if they grew a second head.

(I think i agree with the above)

Do you think this is accurate, is your partner having an affair? Some of this stuff made me laugh, but i am sure there are many truths in the article.