Shit endured

My weed arrived last week in a a white padded envelope which i had to collect at a main post office somewhere since it didn't fit througj my letter-box. I have to point out that the post man/woman never bopthers to ring the bell and goodness knows how many times I have had to make the blasted trip with photo IDs. One day im gonna lose my passport and then what. I'd pay for the student card as well I reckon!

Anyway, I made myself great dinner last night, baked chicken in the oven, threw some herbs and peppers, mushrooms, carrots prunes and a few sunflower seeds in and it was divine. I had that with butternut sqaush which wasn't god quality but atleast I wasn't overloading on carbs.

Later on, whilst watching "Apprentice you are fired"(i gave big brother a miss as well except to watch during commerciala. Davina nnoys me!), i decided to try the weed. I am not talking about the holy 'erb for those of you wondering. It's horny goat weed that i ordered over the internet a week and a half ago. I waited for it to take effect. They said to take "one to four tablets before activity". In my case it would have had to be a solo activity of some kind since I have not really had the desire for the "activity". I ordered the thing out of curiosity more than anything else and it's a reputable health website that i did it from.

I felt nauseous. Texted a friend to say how the tablet made me feel only to be told that maybe it's the chicken. It definitely wasn't the chicken. I did not get any urges, i am wondering if I should experiment again tonight? Maybe with two? If nothing happens then i've been had I mean cheated.

I feel a bit down today. I am suddenly finding that I have so much to do and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I am getting a little obssessed with the weightgain, which is quite obvious anyway. I got on the scales today and i'd gained two pounds. Maybe going out for pizza and having wine and then chocolate cake with ice cream on tuuesday contributed? Then the vile burger and the toffee waffles? I don't know. I went on strike over exercising this week and I think that's the reason why. I tried on two dresses that a friend had bought at charity shop for me knowing how desperate i am for a dress or two. One looked nice. Strapless, molded itself to me but it looked good. Mind you with my short-sightedness i could very well be wrong. The second one really deserves someone who looks like victoria beckham. No ass or hips. It didn't look good on me even my friend agreed although she was very kind whereas I was quite brutal.

I was also down because the girl who normally does my hair for a resonable price can't do it because she is going to Dubai for a holiday tomorrow!. I am excited for her but also a little envious because she uis quite a jetsetter these days. Mostly because of her job but also because she earns lots and can take all these holidays. I felt a little sorry for myself and wished I could afford trips to Dubai. Then i felt ashamed for feeling a little envious.

Fuck, maybe it's my hormones acting up again. Maybe it's because i can't get a hold of the electrician who's supposed to come fix the light switch in my room. Myabe it's cos my flatmamte annoyed me yesterday(i let it go), maybe it's because I am just tired. Or fed up.

Good news though: I have a weekend off and I'll be housesitting for a friend in Richmond. Oh, the joys of having a large bed, clean kitchen, the heating off and not having to worry about topping up bloody electricity or buying wshing up liquid yet again because i live with somebody selfish. It will be great to chill out in the sitting room by myself and maybe watch dirty moves(highly unlikely.

I'll just have to make sure the cat stays out of the bedroom. she said it was licking her face this morning. She lets it. Im not sleeping with pets

I had a burger king baguette about 1hr30mins ago. The patty was positively revolting and they didn't have the decency to giveme ketchup or brown sauce to mask that awful stuff. I had a coffee after(elsewhere) and two toffee waffles.

I give up on the exercise. It's not working, instead, a couple of girls I haven't seem for more than a year saw me in a crowd yesterday and one of them said she could identify me by my curves! That made me wonder if I shouldn't lose a 10kilograms(i'd probably be locked up being fed by tune!) and i was just astounded that someone could see hips and identify the owner. So no running tonight, i'll probably have something unhealthy, feel bad about it and moan some more.
aaaarrrrghghh

I have recieved a flurry of emails from friends who have had encounters with former classmates and aren't sure what to do about it.
I met these people when I was 11yrs old(some of them were 10) and we were in shcool together for about 6years. So we all grew up together and we have moved on to to other things. One girl says an ex-classmates(he had a really rude nickname, a play on his surname...something to do with a bum), saw her and invited her for a coffee. They work in the same area, she goes past his office all the time and yet she can't bring herself to go in.

The reason apparently is because one night about a year ago, she was working up to have nookie with her boyfriend when a guy that i felt fancied her rang at 11pm. Rather rude when one has a jealous boyfriend, but the guy couldnt say why he was ringing,her boyfriend got madly jealous and all hope of a good fuck dissipated. He turned his back(bloody bastard, he doens't arouse her enough anyway!).

This got me thinking about these random people I meet, or get emails from. There is a girl who lives in America now whose email to the nookie-less girl started this whole discussion. She refeered to Miss nookie as "Miss Activist". Another friend emailed me to say "she is still trying to save the world". She is an activist, works for a charity that helps abused women, rape victims and has done lots of admirable work. But i think she was offended by being referred to as such.

I know I have avoided ceratin people that i saw coming a mile away because i just didn't have anything to say to them. If they didn't have time for me in school, whay go back? On the other hand, I have encoutered people that I never ever spoke to and yet, it was fun trying to work out where we saw each other and chatting as adults. I think in my case i generally keep an open mind. I was always the diplomats in these fraught childish friendships and as a result I c=get along with people who may consider each other to be mortal enemies.

It seems to me that when you meet blasts from the past, it takes you back to the person you were then. If you lacked confidence then, you suddenly revert to that unsure person and it can be debilitating. I recently met a girl who swas rather sophisticated(or stuck up, not deliberately though) at school. She is still very nice, but still very sphisticated but it was ok because I accepted her the way she was a long time ago. Is my other friend right to shun other people just because one person disturbed her sex life and so she paints everyone with the same brush? I dont think so. It's a hard one though. The past is always somehow linked with the future I have discovered.

On a different note, I was out in the pissing rain when I encountered a guy I met some three years ago. He looked me up and down, told me I looked fantastic and happy and said"who is screwing you these days?" I would have slapped him but I laughed and told him it's because I prefer my own compnay that i am happy. He then said he tried really hard to get me to no avail. He was just weird then so i am sure i missed his "trying" bit!

Ive been tagged by naugghty eggbod to give 7 random facts about myself. so here goes,might be boring but... so what?!

1. I like being told things in detail otherwise I intterupt a lot and it annoys others.

2. I pick up languages fairly easily and speak six random ones

3. I prefer words to numbers (it might have something to do with boadring school and a certain maths teacher

4.If the music is good, i can dance the night away without a pause(perhaps im a lunatic!)

5. I once lived on a kibbutz for almost a year. what a time

6. I am unable to cry at times when I really need to but little things can make my eyes well up(what a sop!)

7. I was a mature virgin

I tag

Steph
Antlady69
rithompson
KandAmoist
ganesharocks
sleeper
adamantixx

Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Well the weather is shite so humour me. Those tagged need to write in their blogs 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You also tag seven others and list their names on your blog. Let them know you plan on tagging them in your post.

Channel 4 seems to be a little obssessed with virginity these day. Last week they had that poor chap who went to a virgin school in Amsterdam(it would have to be Amsterdam wouldn't it? ) and ended up popping his cherry live on TV. It almost looked like soft porn but actually drew a degree of sympathy from the audience for this poor soul. A very insightful programme I admit, as it highlighted that the root of the problem was not the guy had never having had intercourse. He had self-esteem issues,he'd been bullied(haven't most of us?), he was scared to touch a woman and yet to be taught stuff by a woman old enough to be his grandma was slightly traumatic for him,(for me as well ) but he triumphed in the end! Six months down the line,he has changed his job but hasn't done the deed again. He is looking for love. I think his parents have a lot to answer for.

Last night, they showed a 43yr old woman, a 29yr old rather sweet guy and a 49yr old man. Very different characters. The 49year old had contracted the "kissing disease" or glandular fever at twenty from the the first girl he ever smooched which paralysed him. Poor sod. As for the 29year old, i lay the blame squarely on the mother. When he went home to try and trace where his lack of confidence might have stemmed from and he told the mother he'd tried everything including speed dating, she looked at him and spat out" speed dating? you can't be that desperate!". Ouch, you could see his face drop.She kept saying how he needs to settle down and just struck me as cold and unfeeling.Bitch! The sex coach,a slimy young mancalled Sam told him to just chat up girl, not to look at anything else and just think of sex was the opposite of what that boy needed.He took him to SOho and what an ordeal! Maybe he should have gone to the scholl in Amsterdam

I was most impressed by the 43year old woman. The church and the bible had had a firm grip on her, she couldnt have sex before marriage therefore she had to suppress her sexuality, except when you get to your 40s and there isn't a marriage proposal in sight what do you do? She also had such a bubbly personality, unlike her much younger sister who'd had lots of boyfriend and couldn't even discuss stuff properly with her. To her credit she did agree for her huge bed to be used by her sister when the time came, and she prepared it. Together,they searched the internet and found a delectable 23year old escourt who had a body(and a willy presumably)to die for. She was sooo excited. I felt excited for her actually. She wasn't disappointed and yes, she did pray to her god about it and now she is saving up to hire him again.Persubaly she'll consider god and ask her/him to bless the union again.

The fascinating thing for me is why virginity is still such an issue? you hear people saying it doesn't matter but actually it does. Either way. being a mature one is even worse. Im my own case, it became a hindrance and no longer an asset. You go out with a man, you want kisses and cuddles but they expect "more adult stuff" because you are a grown up. It becomes a vicious cycle whereby is you say you are one, people laugh at you because surely you can't be a virgin over 25? although statics in the TV show said about 30% of people are still virgins by the time they are 25. That's grim when your issue is because your mother was cold(like the pleasant young man), or because someone paralysed you and you were too scared to try it on again or because religion can warp so many minds.

I suppose once the deed is done, you feel like part of the human race, or atleast that's what the participants said. I find your fantasies die a little bit as well. afterall nothing is left to the imagination any longer. I still applaud that woman, i reckon she is more energetic that her sister, who actually said to her "you might find you are a bit small? i don't know how a virgin's vagina works" and the sister boomed" mine is closed up darling!".It was true!!

I do hope she gets a second helping soon

I forgot my umbrella on my bed this morning. It's raining cats and dogs and I'll be soaked by the time i reach the tube station later. I can't get water/juice/coffee because the ATM it soo far.

Why couldn't it rain in April like it's meant to and not in bloody may when I never remeber the brollie? DamX10000

Have a giggle!

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

Yup, that's yours truly. I arrived at work today to be told during a team brief that I have been voted/chosen as "Hero of the month". I think in most other places they call them employees of the month.

I was so shocked that i actually burst out laughing. i thought the whole thing was a joke but no, the manager said it was real and it had actually been announced yesterda(I don't work there on fridays) but i still found it a bit of a surprise. Apparently I'll get £50 extra as a prize. not bad, it will come in handy. So they actually acknowlegde, that I work hard, i am good with customers(although that's debatable, seeing how i could kill the annoying ones with a stare ) and I can run the place without a manager so I am glad they recognise my efforts. Maybe it helps that i am not afraid to write to the directors to put out what's going wrong and offer solutions.

As much as I thought the whole thing was a joke initially, it really had a positve effect on me. for once I was in a very good mood and i could feel myself making the extra effort with a smile(it was bloody busy too!). I even had a bit of a flirt with one man(he really invited it) but the key thing is i smiled a lot and didn't feel too hopelss. nasty manager tried to rattle me and I simply told him to zip off. I said to him " as a hero, i won't listen to any of your crap so zip it". What could he say, he is not likely to be voted a hero anytime soon coz he's nasty to staff.

Mind you, three days ago I'd been feeling really low. I knew I was fed up with the carejob when one of my clients, whom i feel has been bullying me slightly asked me if I thought she was bossy. Of course I am supposed to say no, but i actually told her i thought she gets very frustrated because she can't do the things she used to do. She is old, can't get out but she is rather bossy which i feel borders on bullying these days. I don't feel my employers are lsitening to me and so i let rip at a meeting they called for everyone on Friday.

Ironically on the agenda there was an Item saying "Are we listening to you?". The woman chairing the meeting was rather loud, her jokes fell flat and she wasn't listening to anyone so I pounced on that very item and ran away with it. I felt slightly better afterwards but i'll have to sort out the issue with the other client as it impacts on how I interact with my thursday morning client.She can always tell I'm feeling down and it's really not fair to bring negativity to her house.

I have skipped the running tonight although i went to lillywhites to get some sportbras and some tarining gear. I seem to be gaining weight though and someone told me i might be developing muscles uder the fat. is that possible? I want to get toned and not look bulkuy but I am starting to wonder if there is any other exercise I can do besides runnig. I don't like gym so that's out of the question.

I am not sure what I am gonna eat today. It's very late for dinner really but I am sure I can toss something together or maybe have Mcdonalds??? I am kidding i wont do that to myself. I haven't drunk enough water and that's giving me a headache.

Anyway, it's been a preety positive day. There's nothing like a bit of praise to raise low spirits. I hope I am just as positive tomorrow.

p.S. Happy birthday graybags101!. Many happy returns

I feel slightly sick. I have just munched on a packet of crisps(salt and vinegar), a kitkat chocolate bar and drank an apple juice immediately after. Seeing how i haven't had any of the junk in weeks now, i think my body is telling me i made a mistake. I don't know what got into me really. It's not as if I was hungry. I had a good lunch but usually when i go on these sudden binges, something is falling apart. not sure what.

I haven't exercised properly for 3days. I blame the rain and working ungodly weekend hrs although it looks like i might have to summon enough energy to go running today. It's not raining so no excuses.

Maybe it's because i went eye shopping yesterday and none of the dresses I was trying on fitted me well. They either clung too much on the bum and hips which looked a bit ghastly or they looked good but hung about round the boobs. That was a bit off putting, i started to wonder if i should even bother continuing with the exercise because clearly i am not seeing the benefits. I can forget about bikinis and nice summer dresses at this rate.

And I need to do something about my hair.Maybe i should shave it all off. Maybe I should colour it pink. aaarrgh, i don't know. Maybe i'll feel better if I shave my legs tomorrow. Havn't done them in a while, nobody except moi sees them anyway but they will need to be aired soon.

Oh, i've been naughty. i went on the internet today and bought horny goat weed. It's supposed to do wonders for the libido and energy as well improving general well being. Since i have been feeling a bit deflated I thought i'd buy that and start solo adventures if indeed the blasted herbs work

This is not to say i'm under a heavy cloud of depression. I am not. Ive written to the landlord. I think he'll be happy to hear from me. He keeps inviting me over and really the Sandy beaches of the caribbean beckon. So long as there are hunks or beauties lining the beach im game

oooh, i think my flatmate might kill me today!Perhaps in his mind since im not sure he;ll have the guts to chop my head off.

I looked at the electricity metre and i saw 60p.So i paincked a little bit, went into a full rant mode, fortunately a friend phoned me and I assured him i wouldn't bitch but then i sent him a text later to bitch!. I thought i'd be in dark city again and part of me was wickedly hoping it would happen again so that when he(flatmate) stumbled in after midnight, he'd have to find his way in the duck and maybe injure his foot so i could have a giggle.

Alas it didn't happen. I was too afraid to turn on my electric heater and lay in bed freezing(i think it's something to do with the window not quite closing properly) and eventually i fell asleep. Of course I'd been debating whether to leave him a note reminding him to top-up, decided against it, then changed my mind and wrote it this morning.

The only problem is, there is about £2.50 letf and by his standards that's plenty and for that reason, he'll want to kill me for the note!! I hoope he goes into a little rant and gets really pissed off. he'll know how I feel when he's childish about bills. Maybe I'll have a good laugh when i get home later tonight

Ive been to the Dr today, a mild case of thrush and i have got medication for it so hopefully i won't be itching in the next few days. Since i was running late, i didn't eat breakfast or even pack a lunch so had to settle for a bagel at the bagel factory. As a rule i don't eat bagels. They are bread and they don't do anything for me and knowing that in most places they are frozen for ages and defrosted every morning and sold as freshly baked frankly puts me off. I had that with coffee so that was sin number one. Coffee exacerbates cellulite and for one trying to get back into shape that wasn't doing myself any favours. After seeing the Doc, I went into a nice cafe where they sell really huge paninis. My favourite there is the spinach, bacon and mozarella. It never fails to disappoint. I haven't had it im more than a year(it helped that i moved) but i am soo going to enjoy it. My stomach is growling.

That just means whatever good had come out of my regime last week has gone down the loo. I still plan to go for a run tonight. it's the least I can do. I think it shows real commitment particulalry when it's drizzling like it is now. I should remember to replace my bedside lamp. I think i broke it or maybe it was just the lightbulb. That fateful saturday three weeks ago when I had to walk from a certain tube station because... well i had passed out innit?!
This morning the other lightbulb went as I tried to switch the light on. Mind you, it might still be dark city anyway with the new bulbs. The last I checked the elctricity we were about to run out. Considering that I have done the gas and electricity twice already, i reckon it's time flatmate got a little shock...again. If he remembers correctly, He came home to a very dark house one night because lo and behold, he'd been coming to a well lit house for almost three months without wondering why the electricity never ran out. I am not bailing him out again. I did my bit again and again and it's time for him to act. Little bastard. Oh and I am writing a letter to the landlord, i think he appreciates the written word more than phone calls. Reminds him (i guess) of a time in his life when letters were the means of communication and people appreciated them. i still so.

Two girls I know are going away and now there is a string of parties I have to attend. apparently i can't beg off since i am being given ample notice and i can't refuse the booze. That i will have to negotiate...the booze I mean. One is going back to poland for a bit and the other is moving to spain with her italian toyboy. Her mother in Spain isn't very happy and she is praying for her soul which i guesswill go to hel if she doesn't go back to spain instead. The first host is Japanese and she only had chosticks in the house. Everything including fish and chips is eaten with the chopsticks! Her Irish husband is converted. I told them to get plastic cutlerly for me otherwise i'll use my hands! I mean it

I don't know where that leaves my fitness regime. It looks like im faltering already and i had been hoping to see the difference in 4 weeks time. Has anyone got advice on how I can maximise the benefits of my attempt at exercise? I am eating well(bar yesterday and today). Is running enough or do i need to do more?

Maybe i should just call them "the bad men in my life". I don't know what it is about me that attracts totally inappropriate people.. They are either lunatics, they want to be my slave, fancy me, are involved orj ust plain weird.

You might remember Jonny, the guy i went on a couple of dates with, the one who deemed it necessary to take out his member in a car hoping i would lavish it with the attentions of my hot mouth?(I refused and told him to put it back in! ), well he's just come out of the woodworks. After that non-starter i never heard from him again. I wasn't suprised. Don't guys do that? lose interest if you don't put out? which just means you've had a lucky escape?

He sent a rather frantic text, saying what a stranger i'd been and how he'd love to catch up. I got straight to the point, telling him im shocked to hear from him, i wasn't expecting to hear from him after our last meeting. pretending to be a moron, he asked "why?" and i told him that in general guys lose interest if they dont get what they are after and i i wasn't suprised that he did. what i dont get is why he is back.(i can only imagine he has tried the same trick with other girls and they have slapped him or thrown wine/water in his face ). So he had to admit that there was some truth to what i said and that he thinks im "dead sexy" and he would love to explore the rest of my body(he's explore the mouth and felt my tit). He must think i'm stupid. I had delted his digits long ago and the only reason I knew it was him was coz he wrote his name. Gotta give him points for persistence. He tried to wangle a meeting after work, i said"no, no no!", so he's begging for coffee midweek.he's quite excited by the idea of my getting fit(ter) by running. he must get a life.

Then there was a little blast from the pat. A little guy who never forgave me himself for not measuring up to deciever and never forgave me for going with deciever. i could never have dated him. nuff said. Arranged to meet for drinks today. the bastard did not turn up and so he'll get my bile on the phone when he rings. then the friend who is touchy feely whom ive been dodging a meeting with for weeks now. i had to blow him off again today. i don't feel like seeing anyone, besides, im always moving away from him so we have this weird little dance in coffeeshops or bars.

As if that wasn't enough, Geezer rang and asked me to dinner. He must be feeling lonely. I asked him about that woman he was lasting after, i don't think that's going well. the dinner would have been great but probably accompanied by good wine and im on the wagon at the mo so had to say no. besides he might want me to comfort him and get all huggy-huggy. Don't feel like it

The slave has been super-whiny coz i wouldn't see him this week. So: short little guy, Jonny Suck-my-littl-dick-please, geezeer, Touchy feely, slave!

Why can't I just meet normal interesting guys who'll make me look forward to seeing them instead of all these inapporpriate and sometimes bad men?! Where do i find them, I ask you!

Fell off the wagon today. had a bacon sandwich, a hot chocolate and a coffee. i'll run iit off tomorrow

It ain't easy being on the staright and narrow. I am knackered today but that's coz I got cught in the rain. probably the only person today to not have heeded the weather forecasters warnings about rain. Im wet and grumpy. I went for a run yesterday evening. Going up hills and ending up almost ion holland park was very taxing. I hope to see results in four weeks time. I had gone for avery brisk walk the previous evening to the run.

I came back all sweaty, huffing and puffing a little bit but it felt good. Then i treated myself to a huge bowl of salad made by yourse truly: shredded lettuce, cucumbers, tomoatoes, avocados a little vinaigrette dressing which tyatsed like nothing. What's with sainsbury's these days?!. It felt good. i had a herbal tea and a tiny bit of tiramisu. I reckon i'ds woeked off the calories.

Today: weetabix with prunes, a scrambled egg and la large glass of water for breakfast. Lunch was a tuna sandwich in a wholemeal bun(it has 50calories), with spring onions and lettuce and an apple and more water. more water in between, an apple and some driet pears and apricots later and I am still going strong. Work was too exhausting today and i only got home a little while ago. No time for a run. i really can't do it in the mornings, my bed won't let me leave it so the runs will have to be consigned to eveneings for the moment. I feel a bit strange, i think it's the lack of sugar from cokes and all the other stuff i used to take like wine. My skin certainly looks better. Almost glowing except it's from good health not good f***ing.

I had to ring up the office today to get my NI number. The manager laughed at me, but what could i do? it seems im on the wrong tax code and i have been overtaxed like I suspected. I might be due a few quid but i'm not holidng my breath. The woman at Inland revenue said to send the P^) and they'll see what they can do which did not inspire confidence in me. I might have to ring all the time.

I know one of my clients has a dildo and we have discussed and hanled it at length(she wont use it) but that's another story. Today, i discovered a rabbit. someone elses. They all thought she was gay but clearly she is not unless she puts condoms on the rabbit. I just find it a bit weird that i know all this about other people. info i shouldn't know. Mind you they know about my little pocket pleaser and what-not so i guess fair is fair.

Im knackered, im gonna gobble up something and go to bed.

nite nite

Oh, fare thee well Antony Blair

Im my attempt to curb the alarming amount of grey hair I am starting to sprout, i took a pair of tweezers yeaterday and got to work!. This was after washing my hair, and in the process of blow-drying it. I was looking at the mirror(with my dodgy eye-sight minus the glasses)and I could see a very white spot right the on the hairline. God! i went into a panic and started tweezing away except now i look something like grass that was mowed and the lawnmower died in the middle of the process. I think in total there were about 6strands and now ive got two little ones.It's too early to grey in one's 20s isnt it? Such trauma!!

I was meeting some girlfriends in the afternoon adn I decided to doll myself up and put on a bit of make-up. I got appreciative stares and comments but my right eye has some kind of infection now. i suspect it's the mascara. It's very itchy and going rapidly red. It's not helping that i keep rubbing the eye but damn it's itchy as hell.I am allergic to most make-up products but sometimes a girl has to look allluring? even lipstick can peel my lips and i don't mean the cheap kind you get r some dodgy shops somewhere else!

We went for a chinese meal in chinatwon and it was amost hilarious time. One of the menus was completely in chinese. The japanese girl we were with could read as far as "rice" so we had a giggle about that! When the waitress came to take our orders, I tried to order sherry in a moment of weakness. She said a very emphatic "NO!" when we all turned to her alarmed, she tried to offer me barcadi and said they didnt have sherry. I think perpahs she wasnt too sure what it was. When it came to food, I wanted pork with pickled veggies and asked her what vegetables they were, again she tried to make me order somthing else but i insisited on that and just went "fuck, i'll have the lemonade!" which turned out to be a good choice.

The four of us were really stuffed by the time we left and it had got really cold outside and we rushed for buses to take us home.

I'd had people hassling me on the phone wanting to meet and i just ignored them. Yesterday's bank holiday was probably the first time in a very very long time that i could actually stay in bed, read, stretch and sleep for most of the day without any interruptions. And I much preffered to spend time with girls instead of the slave who is geeting really whiney about not seeing me, or another male friend who gets all touchy feely when we are together. I'd promised to maybe meet them and didn't. I feel bad but not bad enough to endure their company when I don't feel like it.

I couldn't get up for my run or walk this morning so I am disappointed. Don't know how i will tone up and look stunning if i don't do anything about it. Having done no shopping on the weekend, i had to settle for a juicy sainsbury's muffin today(well, two) and a costa coffee. i'd better walk this evening then

Nice day to you all

I feel so tired. maybe it's standing the whole day and not having three meals and fruit and water in between. working today definitley put a spanner in my new regime.

It all went pearshaped when i had to wait outside for almost an hour because some ididotic manager had not given the new baker keys to the place. Thre were also a a couple of delivery vans waiting. Of course i went livid and started venting to one poor soul who said he'd had to get up at 3am to make deliveries. I rang the managers and they wouldn't give me the MDs mobile number. They forget i can email him if and when i want

In the end though, they had to call him since he was closest to work. As usual, all four of them had not communicated thinking they were getting each other into toruble. They are all in trouble because they just looked incompetent. The MD was sodding off to Paris in a couple of hours he said. So there we were, making money for him while he went away for a long weekend. Not fair

The good thing is he was extremely apologetic to me. I had fucked off to go get myself a coffee somewhere and I guess he remembered the time the very same thing happened and I went to get a coffeee and he rang me in a panic thinking i had gone home. I should really be running that stupid place. I mean they all ask my opinion about everything and implement my suggestion. Maybe i should put it forward in am email.

I got pissed off just before the end of my shift today. "Nasty" manager was really spoiling for a fight and i just wanted to punch the lights out of him. Consdering surveys show customers to think him rude, particulalry to his own staff, i'd say an email from mme would be the end of him. He better watch his step

I'm afraid i fell off the wagon today. i had bread and a couple of rashers of bacon. ok, call it a bacon sarnie if you want. i did have porridge and an apple and redbush tea no sugar as well as orange juice later. It's just difficult eating properly when you are working and monitored. i'll make another stirfry later tonight and drink water if i get hunger pangs.

Wish me luck, im gonna start running on monday, i'm sure my things will be sore. i'd better get a sports bra tomorrow, don't want my little melons sagging to my belly or armpits.

Happy weekend everyone.

I must be very determined or there is smothing seriously wrong with me. Five days now i have not touched sugar(except in apples or grapefruit or natural fruit juice). I haven't had coffee,ok one cup yesterday with soya milk no sugar. I have not had any coke, my biggest vice. No interest in chocolate.

What i have had is 2litres of water a day plus some fruit juice. I have had very simple lentil soup, a home made stir-fry today with lots of natural herbs and no salt except from the reduced salt soy sauce. I quite like grapefruit but i don't think I am digesting it well. Yes i looke at my poor, I am aiming for Gillian Mckeith's perfect poo and i am getting there. I am not sure what else i need to be taking. The way I see it I need to lose half a stone or 3kg then i'll be happy. Maybe not. I got on the scales today. I priobably shouldn't have. I have been excercising in bed in the morning. I am definitely starting my brisk walking and then jogging next week. I might start running in Hyde park again. That park used to kill me, pushed by an ex but it gave me a great body. I want that back!!

So I am afraid there'll be no bacon sarnie tomorrow, only stodgy porrge and maybe a piece of fruit and lots of water. Im not sure what I'll have for dinner but it will definitely be home -made.

It doesnt help that I have had to defrost the fridge and clean it thouroughly because i think flatmate would have been happy to get e-coli or whatever you can get from fridges that don't get cleaned. I am knackered.

Maybe i should have a coke tonight? just one can to reward myself for good behaviour?

I am very serious about getting into shape and letting my body recover from all the toxins i fed it over the last week. I spoke to my cousin and confessed all about my weekend escapades and she so helpfully reminded me about the very first time i ended up the way I did. I was 18yrs old and on a kibbutz with a broken ankle. I won't go into that now. She also wanted to know the kind of alcohol i had druk that would render me almost paralytic but i steered the conversation away from that. It's all in the past now.

So, last night i went and bought lots of fruit: apples, grapefruit, kiwis and some vegetables: cucumber, lettuce, cabbage, brocolli, mushrooms, onions garlic and juices. I had been drinking water the whole day but i decided i was going to have a very good dinner although it was rather late when i got home.

I made a lentil soup and while the lentils were busy boiling i made myself a green salad with a jalapeno sauce. Well, jalapenos or chillies are supposed to encourage the metabolism to work faster. i had a a big glass of tropical fruit juice and waited for the elntils to go on and on. It's the thicki-ish brown ones. Eventually I had a little bowl, later on another glass of water and went to bed happy.

I don't feel like a dried up prune today, i think my body has been remoisturised although i am carrying a litre and half of water today. I had my first glass when i woke up and then had tea without sugar and some toast. I'll be eating apples, and grapefruit and more lentils today and drinking water. I am cutting out sugar and starch in the evening. The only problem is in getting up to go and do some excercise in the morning.

I am not a morning person, I usually wake up around 6:30am and then go back to sleep. I'll need to inspire myself in the few days. My left leg is still cramping, i think from the loss of salt and deydration the other day. Otherwise i hope to be seeing results in 3weeks. I have never been more determined. I must confess i was very tempted to put sugar in my tea and stopped myself. The alcohol: i am taking it one day at a time. I don't crave it, but i don't want friend inviting me out either.

So cross fingers for me, i hope to be at my phine self in no time. I might lose the boobs, but i phine booty will more than make up for it