that's what i should do. My boss woke me up witha phone call early this morning asking where i was. Duh! i am no holiday, a two day holiday. poor sod, nobody told him and i suspect chaos will reign supreme today. Couldn't go back to bed after.

I need to go get food for the dinner party later. I want to start cleaning the house now but i can't vaccum yet cause flatmate is sleeping(?). i dont feel like getting up. i got up to make a cup of tea and a peiece of toast. I must get myself a treat today...new top or shoes??? dunno. i'd better get my ass up otherwise i'll have dissater staring at me. Besides potobello market will get verey busy soon. better go now

I got a phone call from a friend of mine who told me a girl who traumatised me three years ago was asking about me and she gave her my number.The "trauma" woman was a proper psycho whom I shared a flat with for three months. I had to leave in the end because she tried to control me and she literally threw meout to the street in the middle of the night and i slept out in the cold. She was verey very big as well, and rather that than she stabbing me. Like i said, a pscho. Apparently the psycho rang my friend (our mutual friend) today and incidentally asked about me. Now this friend should have asked me first if it was ok to divulge my number knowing how i had to go for counselling for weeks after i parted ways with that woman.

So miss Psycho texted a little while ago, sounding rather chirping and asking how I was. I told her i was well, thanked her for texting and told her to take care. She immediately rang. Well I think it was she since it was a private number and I immediately turned my phone off. Rather cowardly but i was not prepared to chitchat with my nemesis who cursed a few years back!

On top of that, the friend is bringing another firend to dinner tomorrow. I have invited a few people over for dinner as a sort of birthday celebratorty dinner, I asked them to RSVP by this morning. She phoned at 5pm, which was ok, but then she rang at 10pm to say by the way I have invited C. The mind boggles! I sincerely hope they don't pitch up with the psycho because i hsall definitely lose my rag

As it stand, i'll have seven people over. one guy might bring a girlfriend(i don't know why people don't follow protocol), two guys and five girls. I haven't had a chance to shop, maybe i'll go to portobello market tomorrow. Yes, i am off work tomorrow!! Hooray!! I am pretty sure they'll ring in the morning to try and get me to come to work but i'll just say no and put the phone down. I am not sure what i am going to cook. someone suggested buying everything ready from M&S but i would rather cook everythihg from scratch or as much as I can anyway.

Flatmate still hasn't replaced loo roll. He is obviously not emptying his bowels because now i am refusing to papmper him. It's been four months too long. I doubt he keeps one in his room but you never know.

I seem to have a curse of breaking valuables. Besides the plate and the wine glass, slave boy in his eagerness to please, broke one of the antique chairs by stepping on it on his way to stepping on the table to change the light bulb which misterman here has not bothered to change for weeks now. This time i am not confessing. I might find myself on the street. Like slave said "it's only bamboo!". He thought in was being dramatic, all panicky and almost teary.

Flatmate was dressed to the nines tonight. Out for dinner with a pretty boy. We all arrived at the door at the same time. I bid them a hasty good night. I went out with a couple of girls but kept sober. One drink was enough.

I'll have to scrub this place well tomorrow. I am afraid the vaccum cleaner will wake them up(if pretty boy stays the night, which i suspect he will. the key still hasn't turned and it's after midnight. He loooks too young though. Craddle robbing. that's what it is

This is a series of text messages i exchaned with someone today:

Me:K, can you do me a favour? do you have any space at all to store my computer temporarily? Flatmate(i wrote the name here) is bitching about it being in the private room and i havent had a chance to call J(landlord). apparently a guest is coming next wk. whatever, can't deal with it right now. let me know plz.

"K":Hi princess, all my stuff is in storage in my friends basement & I've got 2move it in 4wks or pay £10p/wk! I can't really help rite now. sorry.

Me:Ain't life a bitch! That's fine, i'l work somethin out. Maybe i shud stab him and bury the body in the basement! It's my birthday next wk

"K": ha ha that sounds like a gud idea...Not! Where u based/

Now at this point, i alarma bells should've rung in my head, but no, they remained silent or I ignored them!

Me:What do u mean? U know where i live

"K":I don't know where you live babe! Not dat i can remember?

At this point, i wondered if he was taking the piss and I had the notion of asking him if he was drunk, i decided to go with the drunk bit...

Me:K, you have been there 5times! U've had coffee,dinner, set up the wretched computer etc tec. Im not tellling u. You deserve a spanking or a hard kick in the nuts!.

After that I got a phone call, I said hello K, he answered but did not sound like K. so I told him he wasn't K, he insisted he was. i told him I was on a bus, i would talk to him later because people were staring at me.
You see, i thought I had been texting the slave since they have the same name. I had this "K" as K2 on the phone but for some reason assumed the two Ks were one and the same person. So i was confused and worried that K1, who is actually the slave, who would have been thrilled at the idea of being spanked or kicked in the the nuts had lost his phone to a nutter.

After the phone call i got a text saying: Listen, I am K, ur Princess & I met you via my work at **** films ok! Tlk l8r.x

Then the penny dropped! I have this guy's number, we hardly talk these days, and perhaps i have texted him in the past thinking he was the slave(oh dear) and i really felt mortified. he was obviously a little pissed off that i didn't remember him, and gosh, why would I just send a text asking for favours without even a hello.

So I had to send a grovelling text saying the text was meant for the other K, I apologised for being rude, i was confused, to which he replied: hey no worries Sweet xx.

Lesson learned: always double-check text before sending them and if the person sounds a bit strange, take that on board. The slave thought it was funny when i phoned hgim after and told him about my mishap. he said he would have cum on the spot if he had recieved the text about being spanked or kicked. I believe him

It turned out well, it could have been worse. Actually it still can. he knows the name of my landlord and flatmate and that i considered butchering him(flatmate) and disposing of the body. i just hope they never meet although i think we live in the same neighbourhood. Dear or dear. Do I run for dear life now or later?

Anyway, slave is at my service, he'll store the computer and that will get flatmate off my back!

I haven't been able to check emails let alone blog because my internet connection is so crappy, but there has been a bit of drama in between.

I lashed out at work because they wanted to deny me my holiday(which everyone has to take before the end of the financial year). I have filled out the form and i am defintely not going this weekend and they'd better pay me.

My college is moving premises or amalgamating with another. Not sure. A bit of a bombshell and i had a panic attack yesterday. Walked around lost today, there is nothing like the great public to misdirect you when you are looking for a palce which turns out to be right in front of you!

A friend with whom i share a birthday wants us to go out and celebrate this weekend(it's on tuesday, i told her I had a sex rendezvous (which is not true) but i can't face going to a bar with a bunch of people. I had been planning to cook a dinner for a few friends so maye i shall do that and leave her out. Besides she'll be celebrating with her hubby.

Had another anxiety attack today, not as bad as yesterdays but longer and i was just tearful. Even now, i was speaking to a friend on the phone and i just wanted to burst into tears. My life is a bit uncertain at the moment and I am falling into bad habits: Chips for supper last night, tonight burger king, havibng hopped off the bus on picadilly.

I couldn't take out money from the ATM using my debit asnd credit card. Dashed to the bank only to be told my card has been cancelled, they dont know why, as for the credit I have to ring them directly except i ccant seeing how i cant use my cancelled bank card to top up my phone and they only gave me £20 today when i went to query. And tyou wonder why i want to cry or scream. I just cant cope anymore at this point

I arrived home half an hour ago to find the flat lit all over with candles and classical music blaring. My flatmate is entertaining. At first it sounded like the people we had dinner with a couple of weeks ago, but the way the girl is laughing(i can hear her all the way from my room), dont think so. But you never know. if the cute guy is here myabe i should just walk in in my pjs and say hello. That would be fun! i could bawl my eyes n his lap.

I try to be strong butat this moment, i dont feel so strong. It feels like i am slowly losing control of my life even though some things are beyond my control.

I hope tomorrow is a better day.

That was the ridiculous question on a particular breakfast TV show this morning and the british public did not disappoint in their responses. Since the host was a man, and he was implying that women make it sound more painful than it really is, one caller suggested he swallow a bowling pin and take a laxative afterward

However a couple of really good points were raised:there seemed to be a general consensus women in this country focused more on the anticipated pain and fear about the whole process, whereas in other so-called third world countries they sort of embraced the whole process and just got on with it. Not a lot of them have the luxury of epidurial, or selective caesarians but hell, pain is pain man. Surely ones life(ordinary and sexual) is never the same and this is nothing anyone ever emphasises? It's actually a bit like first time sex. you can read all the books in the world and listen to all the experts and they never tell you everything. You don't read about the wet patch in sex manuals do you? They don't tell you what to do when your hymen just refuses to budge depsite all the tinkering and all the bewildering pain you are stoically enduring do they?

I rather suspect child birth is the same. Penny Vincenzi, the best-selling author of those heavy romantic tomes said she'd had four. yes she admitted it was painful but still coultn'd describe the pain. It seems woman focus more on the good they are doing for humanity and the fact that there is a wonderful end-product to the whole mess.

I once asked my mother about child-birth, seeing how she expelled four of her own. well five but we dont count the dead do we?!. She told me she never got a tear. She bore the pains like her sisters before her and i suppose because it has been drummed into her head that, that is just the way things are she co-operated and was fine. I find it amazing that her um um...i'll call it "vessel for birth" expanded naturally and went back, whereas today there are episiotomies and all kinds of horrs that arent discussed.

So is child birth painful? I imagine being hit by a truck and then immediately expecting to dust yourself off and walk away. You wonder whether you've just been hit and you try to forget the moment of impact lest it gives your permanent nightmares

After watching countless videos on Tv to make one weep or smirk with indifference i am wondering whether we are doing the continent any good. I saw Ant and Dec bawling their eyes out in Kenya, at what is considered to be the biggest slum in Africa, saying they don't know how anyone can cope living like that. All we had to do was contribute a tenner and they would get toilets built for £90 and not use "flying toilets", that means using a plastic bag to relieve themselves and hurl the shit out throw the window, shich in turn gives them cholera.

It ain't the only slum. There are alums all over. I once for a Communications Consultancy that was handling a bid for a water contract for Thames water in JOhannesburg South Africa. I remember the endless reports I worte, lobbying so many people all the dinners and stuff. Then we had to go to a slum called Alexandra. Now when you are in Alex as the locals call it, you can look across the hill, probably even walk down to a wonderful rish surbub called Sandton. The places are worlds apart. there was swerage in the street. Really the stench is the fisrt thing that hits you and it is continual. A few people broke down and cried and you know what, the locals just carried on. It was thier life and they were doing the best they could under the circumstances. Well a French company(vivendi) won the bid but the people there today I have found out still have awful water problems.

Comic relife has donated money to the Kenyan slum, but it was only used in a tiny section of that area so where id the rest of the money go? Why should we be whipped into a frenzy about starving africans(no image is more powerful than a malnutritioned child to tug at the purse strings). I am becoming rather cynical about this whole idea of saving africa.

Then there is the political unrest. Today, after all that hoo haa about Zimabwe I read on the internet that Archbishop Desmond Tutu, a nobel peace prize winner in the past is the only one who seems to be vocal enough about the suffering and plight of the Zimbabweans. Yes, you get one liners in the news of all channles and newspaper condemning the situation, but who is speaking for the people on the gorund who suffer daily, hourly, are starving, have to walk killometres sometimes skipping borders to get into South Africa so they can beg or purchase a loaf of bread while Mugabe can hop on a plane and go shopping with his beautiful young wife Grace, in Paris? It beggars belief!

Yes, a big deal is being made of margan Tsvangarai's injuries and everyone seems to be forgetting that the man in the street, not the politicnas are the ones feeling the brunt of the brutality of government.

It's just like the South african government embarrassing itself over and over with regards to the link between HIV and AIDS, efusing to roll out prevenative treatement and having people like Zachie achmat sue and go on hunger strikes just to get them to move. Yet on the other hand we are being made to watch endless videos of AIDs orphans and feeling awful and giving cash to benefit people whose governments are deliberately failing them.

Don't let me get started on the Sudan situation or somalia/ethiopia and eritriea. All these situations are the embodiment of chaos.Perhaps we should let the chaos unfold, for sure it will end somewhere. However i feel if we interfere then we should do so with actions more than just words. Deposing governments don work i.e Iraq. Incurring sanctions doesn't work either look at North Korea.

I guess I am tired at all the arguments and being emotionally manipulated by the media to do something when i know it won't change much. I have been on marches, I have seen things first hand, I have been in situations. I am tired of all the bulshit. Desmond Tutu is an old man with prostate cancer. He used to believe his faith would move the mountain that was apartheid south africa,to some extent it did. He is one man who is not afraid to criticise governments or leader. People are placing the responsibility of reigning in Mugabe on Thabo Mbeki. Why? Maybe they should just leave africa be, or maybe they should take action insteaf of boring us with meaningless words.

As for contirbuting cash to things like live8 or comic relief, I'd rather we used that money to get bullying governemnts like the USA and her partners to leave areas where they aren't welcome and to let africans trade fairly with whoever they want.Allowing the zimbabweans to get on for mugabe is not immortal. He will go, one way or another. Just as mobuto seseseko went. Then we'll see just how much the world cares about the plight of those orphans and poor peoplew.

I guess I am just fed up

I arrived home on Friday to find my flatmate in the throesof purging the flat of all specs of dust, rpuning the landlord's dying plants, changing the bin liner that i had just done the previous day and I knew something was up!

He called out hello as soon as i entered, rather exhausted and told me he was having friends over for dinner and I am welcome to join them. I was so suprised that i asked him if he was sure, i wouldn't want to intrude, to which he said of course. I suppose i was rather ungracious i should have thanked him sweetly and told him I looked forward to meeting his friends. However seeing how he has eaten my food so many time, i am sure he was inviting me just for show, to appear as if he is this great unselfish person. We were seeing each other for the first time since the night we ran out of electricity and he retaliated(i think) by switching off the geezer so had freezing showers for two days running(bastard!).

Dinner was good. lamb, carrots, broccoli, couscous, lots of red wine, some chocolate mousse at the end and lots of sherry.

Interesting company though: two boys and a girl. girl was very chatty, one guy was visitng from Scotland but is moving down to London soon, the other guy actually lives on our street. He was rather cute. They were overly ipressed with the flat, asked me when i was moving out so i could move in, I told them that's between me and the landlord. Flatmate told them landlord was his uncle and I almost chocked with laughter. God, the things people do and say to seem upward

Sometimes trying too hard can cause you to fuck up...a lot. He forgot toset the table, forgot glasse for water, forgot napkins and i was the coolly reminding him and getting everything together. He sat opposite the cute guy, I sat next to him, the other two next to each other. It felt like the cute guy was being flirtatious, i couldn't be sure and it also seemed like the girl was sort of coming on to me. Conversation flowed, i didn't get drunk though i was slightly tipsy and teased my flatmate about somethings. It transpired that onbe time he lost his key under some guy's bed and the cute guy found them. Everyone was goading him into confessing how he lost those keys and whether he was in that guy's bed. He had the grace to blush rather furiously it was hilarious.

We moved on to the living room where cutey started playing guitar andsang duets with flatmate.Thioer voices are terrible and they are supposed to be musicians. Slave once told me flatmates voice was awful and i thought it was sourgrapes. he was right but the guest were nearly wetting themselves with delight. The next thing, cute guy and the guy were playing kissy kissy but then when he turned to speak to me(he was sandwiched between us girls)he brushed my thigh with his hand. I wondered if it was a mistake, but it happened again.mmmhh. So i thought i'll do the same and see what happened. He didn't flinch one bit and so i think he was testing waters. He was inviting me to a gig that they are gonna have in the countryside next week, whilst the girl was begging me to come with them to the market tomorrow. Bit weird.

Around 1am two more people came to the house and soon after I excused myself as I had to be up in three hrs. I said goodnight to everyone, cutey got up to kiss me and reiterated his invite to come watch movies at his house. I noticed he wasnt including the girl in it so I assume they are just fucking and it's a very recent thing judging by the touchy touchy behaviour, but also he has a roving eye and i think she does too.

Anyway, it was a great evening, i was only pissed off because i knew my flatmate was utting on an act. He'd tried to bully me just before dinner, telling me i can't store anything in the room we had dinner in(i have a computer there), said the lawyer is a snitch and will tell landlord. I countered that by saying i will call the landlord, and then he said someone was coming to visit, etc etc. He doesnt own the place, i can do what i want, but i am resenting the subliminal bullying. I think it's a truce for now but i will call the landlord abroad and tell him im keeping my PC there. He knows my room is like a police cell there is no space and i am paying thru the nose for it

I've slept very little this weekend so it's time to get some shut eye .

later

My date with the schoolteacher had to be aborted. It turned out one of my clients came out of hospital today so i couldn't finish early. However his paranoia about not wanting to meet too near the school children reinforces my suspicions that he is hiding something. I really dont need to be sneaking around with some man. It's not fun.

He was disappointed when I couldnt meet him and told me he'd been sooo looking forward to seeing me. somehow i think he would have kidnapped me and ravished me so i probably had a lucky escape. It's weird, I keep expecting to bump into Mr valentine and today I actually saw someone who resembled him closely. It could have been him. Weird but i need to remember that that's someone who exposed his bits and was only interessted in my sucking them. I( am grateful I escaped

Is there a guy out there who is unattached, is not a pervert and is perfectly willing to go on a good date? they either expect me to pay half all the time even though they ivite me(treat me once in a while!), or they want a blow job in a car or they are saneaking around and therefore need to hide (me). I maintain i need the love of a good woman

Roommate has thawed a bit. He turned the heater on and i had a hot shower yesterday and today. I have left the hall light for him since he payed for it. he doesnt have to stumble in the dark. However I cooked and did not leave some for him. let him eat his junk. I have now downed 3/4 of a bottle of argentinian wine(horribel), and i mixed it with apple juice. i dont want to be gtting up in the middle of the night but i intend to have some water before i sleep so my bladder will really be active.

A friend tore up her daughter's mother's day card that arrived today. Why?: she has disowned her,. she is a bitch. etc etc. From my point of view the daugher can never win. She is damned if she trie4s and damned if she doenst and growing up being told her brtohers are the favourites was never gonna make her daugher of the year. Sad, family relationships can be so complicated.

i'd better go, feeling a bit tipsy. will sleep well

I was so incensed at work on sunday that i promised to write tthe MD an email. My colleagues laughed in my face and said that's what i said the last time when i was pissed of about our working conditions. I actually emailed him a well-thoughtout and constructive criticism(suggesting solutions as well) to which he gratefully replied thanking me to "refreshin feedback that is constructive". oh, they'll also give me a £25 bonus next week just to show their appreciation. I think i'll buy a new pair of shoes...maybe pay off my credit card. I dont know but it was nice that they listened.
Mind you i didnt hold back but it wasn't an emotional rant either although i did say I am fidning the situation untenable(read: im about to quit!! )

Looks like we underrate the big honchos sometimes

I thought cold showers were reserved for really horny people who could not unleash their pent-up passion and had to resort to slashing it dead, fast and furiously with cold water. I wasn't sexually frustarted this morning, i just had to curb my rage.

You see, my wanker of a roommate has been taking advantage of me: never topping up electricity, has the heating on all day until he leaves and the turns it back on in the middle of the night when he returns and he doesn't buy cleaning products or sodding toilet roll!. I have not actually seen him in more than a week now. I just hear him coming in or going to the bathroom.

I have been adviced to stand my ground and not do everything. I mean I clean the bathroom, the toilet the dishes,the kicthen but more for myself than him because i can't imagine using a grotty toilet. I would be stupidly spiting myself. As it turned out, electricity was running low last night. I have taken to recording in a diary when i top up and by how much. he is one of those who will use up all the credit and go to the emergency credit instead of doing the right thing without incurring penalities. I am pretty convinced he's topped up just once since i moved in 4months ago.

Anyway, i was absent-mindedly watching telly, with my little fan heater on the go and reading a bit last night when lo and behold, everything just went dark!! I stupidly turned the light on and off but i just knew my luck had run out. So i went to the electricity meter to try and look for a switch to kick the emergency on(forgeting that it was probably the emergency we were using) and i couldnt work it out. I was using my mobile as a torch but since it was around 11pm, i just thought: sod it, i'll go to bed. he came in a few minutes later. I heard him lunge for the light switch in the hallway and...there was no light. It was all I could do to stifle a giggle. Then I heard him stumbling towards the bathroom. I guess he was pretty pissed or pisssed off...probably both.

I blissfully fell asleep until I realised when I woke that i wont have my breakfast. No tea or coffee, no toast,because there is no fucking electricity. I think i was very optimistic turning the shower on and hoping against hope that the water would warm up eventually. I had to grin and bear it. My consolation is that, he won't be able to use his expensive laptop for long uncharged. He can't turn on the gas. He won't have his green tea that's especially imported from China, if one of his pretty boyfriends come in he wont be able to give them mint tea. So he has got two choices. open the tight fist and pay up or there'll be a stand off!!

As it is now, I am meeting a couple of friends later today. One is having a crisis with an army boyfriend who's unceremoniously dumped her. She wants explanations. He says he just doesn't want a serious relationship(Iraq has fucked him up). Reminded me of my thing with deciever. poor thing, she just needs time. The other one, her 19 year old italian boy friend is staying with his mommy in Italy. She is gutted. she is 30. so i shall be the voice of reason tonight and make them laugh with my tales of darkness and cold showers.

By the way, my roomie has a false tooth. I say that because i saw a pink gummy thingy on the basin this morning with a fake tooth on the one side. Who would've thought. He must've dumped it in the dark or it fell out. Now that is justice. I shall never look at him the same way. i feel a cold war coming on and i shall be sure to drape myself in fleece jackets. I don't know how much i can hold out though. I left him money for the broadband connection since he is sharing with me. If he has half a brain he'll use that to buy himself a hot shower. I just don't see him standing under cold water somehow

Having for blokes on the go is as hilarious as it is frustrating and confusing. That has been my life in the past week. Now before you start thinking "what a slut!", i'll burst your bubble and let you know all five of us arn't rolling around in my bed. Not yet anyway

Mr valentine with his games and mixed messages eventually texted and asked to see me friday night. I wasn't sure whether it was a date and he wasn't very clear which made me really frustrated.To make matters worse the whole thing was conducted by text and the last straw from me was when he asked where I wanted to meet(after i texted him on thursday to ask if we were still "on" or "off" for friday. He texted on Friday afternoon to ask where I wanted to meet. I could feel my blood pressure rising. I suggested two places and then called a friend who tried to calm me down and adviced me to let him come towards me and get out of his comfort zone. It was either putney or hammersmith(quick tube from hammersmith), quick bus from putney and both a bit far from his place so he couldnt kidnap me).

Anyway, the textes went taking us anywhere so I asked him to ring me when he got there. We'd agreed to meet at 7pm. I'm not the greatest time keeper of course and when he rang at 6:50pm to tell me he was there i lied and said I was on my way. The truth is I was cursing my landlord for my tiny room at the time and I was desperately searching for my shoes in all the confusion, having taken too long applying slap. One of my client's had told me to look as stunning as I did at her weddin just so Valentine knows what he's getting...a stunner

I was 20minutes late, which was good by my books. We went to a pub, which was grotty so we moved to a more habitable one. I had asked whether we were going for dinner or a drink(so i could dress appropriately) the moron didnt reply. In the end, i wore a top that skimmed over me with black trousers. It had my cleavage peeking in and out and it was fun watching him watch it come out and disappear. We had a nice chat(he kissed me in the car...still too much tongue). When he went to the loo, another guy a teacher this time, (who'd been begging me the previous night to send him my picture as I "make his blood boil and he stand to attention just hearing my voice") rang me. I told him I was out with a friend and was eager to cut the call short just in case my date or whatever returned. This guy kept lavishing me with compliments over the phone, which i found rather amusing and tried to secure a date for saturday. I am pretty sure he has someone lurking about, he wasn't very forthcoming and i have told him I don't want some woman scratching my eyes out!

Date came back, he started mirroring my actions, we flirted a bit and then it was time to go, around 10:30. He'd promised to drop me off at the tube which i thought was great. But before taking me back, he parked his car at some random spot, proceeded to kiss me, but then he unzipped my coat and his hands romaed my boobs. I was too busy trying to get his other hand away from roaming up my thigh and suddenly he told me how he wants to lick me all over and eat my pussy. At the same time, he was unzipping his trousers to let his prick out. I told him i was not going to suck it, it was ok if he was just letting it out for air Christ! why do i get myself in these situations. He was a bit disappointed, i told him that we were starngers and i didnt know what he wanted from me. I mean it's not like i'm desperate for a realtionship. he knows I dont want to get married or have kids and that I have considered being neighbours with a husband if i chose to instittutionalise myself matrimonially.

I just think people should spell things out so we know exactly what to expect. If he want a shag then he must say so...nicely of course i wont hold it againt him. But I find this random texting and going for a drink and petting like teenagers(which I never did as a teen) rather disconcerting. We are grown up! He needs to brush up on his seduction technique. But I am relegating him to the dustbin, even though i feel slightly rejected. That is weird.

When i got home, i discovered the slave had called, i sent a text and he quickly phone, telling me he can come over(he'd have to break the speed limit)and then another friend, who really wants more got offended that I was going on a date. SO, four men, all on the same night, all wanthing a piece of me, and one who got a bit but in a strange way. He is still short though. Oh, did i say he sucked my right nipple?:p it wasnt bad but i still found it strange. Incidentally, i enventually asked him if I could order some food(i was starving) and he paid. Much better than pseudo-posh Roger who took me to champagne bars and expensive restaurants and baulked at the bill and expected me to pay half. Yet he turned his nose up and more reasonable places.

I think i should look for the love of a good woman. Men....I give up now

Just seen an advert inthe londonpaper about a confidential number yto call when you suspect someone isa terrorist. They cite someone having loads of mobile phones as suspicious. Now what is a lot? i know people who have up to three cellphones. I find it a little strange but they happen to be perfectly law-abididng citizens. The other signs of course are a person having a camera, a rucksack, a white van and a computer. For all i know, everyone on blog could be a terrosrist since you all use a computer. anyway, the number is 0800 789 321. Be sure not to report your blogger friends!! god this countey gets crazier and crazier.

On a lighter note: i have 3 men after me. One tries really hard to charm me. i think he can just "come" from thinking about my body. The other mainly texts me when he is feeling horny. I mean if you want someone, in my book, you try and woo them a little bit and he has failed didsmally in that regard. The other, oh well, he is there in and out. at least i can discuss the other two with him and he gives his verdicts. But just in case, i did all my alundy today, a friend just called to say i should make sure everything is shaved for tomortrow....just in case. we'll see what happens

I've had three glasses of red so i am feeling a bit tipsy. My roommate has just come in and i am sitting in the living room which he always monopolises. He's said hello, but i ain't moving my ass although my bladder is about to burst so maybe i should go.

I'll let you know if thedate tomorrow materialises or not. I am still waiting for the fucker to confirm

nighty nite all

Was offered a babysitting gig tomorrow for good money: said no. I think i should have said yes but i'm in one of my downward spairals, or maybe it's just a down day, i just couldnt do it.

Charged late fees for my credit card becuase the fuckers arent sending me my statements. Still a bad girl, shoulda guessed the day i had to pay and paid up

Got stopped by those sales agents at a tube station. I think they were sellingdental services. The girl asked me if i went to a dentist. I said "yes.she then turned around presumably to get the paper work so she couldconvince me to see her dentist: i turned and walked up the escalators i felt eveil but i was giggling like a BAD girl.

"Mr valentine" suddenly remebered i exist tonight and texted to say he has withdrwal symptoms from not seeing me, am i available on friday night: i have not responded. i need help on this one, i thik he is not that interested in me, i mean he doesnt even phone. He diefinitely wants a shag, but i wont be a door mat. he is still a nice person??? help! someone...

cooked a dinner ofsteak with chunky onions, mushrooms and red peppers, had a green salad, some broccoli and a sweet potato: did not share with flatmate. he's tightfisted and i can't afford to be too generous anymore

Old geezer rang: i did not pick up

I have been a bad girl. My mood has lifted slightly

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice, and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no
money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money
think
we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual,
don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat
nice and have no money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have money
and thank God are straight, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST
MOVE!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest
in us when we take the initiative.

NOW...WHO IN THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?!?!:b

Went for an eyes test today and found out my the vision in my left eye is a lot worse than in my right.Apparently when i get the new prescription it will be a bit "strange" at first as my left eye starts "working" again. I hope that was no euphemism for "you'll be crshing into lampposts and you'll think the earth is opening up" with your new lenses.

I bantered a little with the guy helping me choose a new frame and it was wuite interesting to see pictures of myself on the computer wearing all the different spectacles. I went with his favourite choice although another one came a close second for me. I even told his manager what a great sales person he was and how he made my day and so on. He'll probably get "hero of the month" award.

I gota text from a friend asking me if i knew of any nice places where we could meet nice people. I decoded "nice people" to mean men. Her boyfriend who has been in Iraq has suddenly dumped her without explanation. well he says it's him not her and we think he might be sent on a secret mission. very bizarre considering how clingy he was even around the bombs in Iraq. Her friend has just been dumped by an Italian boy 10yrs younger than her. Poor thing, She should've asked me a long time ago i would have told her Italian boys love their mamas and always go back to them. The boy went back on holiday and decided he was missing his mother too much and was going to stay. She is 30, left spain to come and live here with the 19yr old and now she is devastated. Fortunately she has a good job and can soldier on but she needs to meet people her age or older. I told them i would get back to them

So if anyone knows a nice hang out where pretty and intelligent women can meet like-minded men andwomen I am all ears. She is a friend in need and i'l like to be a friend indeed!:p And it might work for me as well:P

I discovered this morning that the lightbulb in the kicthen has had it. I am not getting on a high chair to reach the high ceiling and if my silly flatmate wont do it then it will be candlelit dinners for eternity. I refuse to do everything in the flat any longer...although i thoroughly cleaned the bathroom sink this morning. he'd left it disgusting as usual. He actually reminds me a lot of my former female flatmate. she was like a child as well and i really dont know what these adults need to gorw up and have consideration for others

I remember i used to go off and buy lingerie when i was frustrated or said or depressed. I thik im gonna start again but this time because i am happy. I have something in mind from Anne summers, or maybe i shuld pop into Agent provocateur on westbourne grove. It's a walking distance Maybe not, too clse to geezer's place who might walk by while im trying the stuff on. Anyway, i need new underwear, was promised a pair of "kylies" by a guy, it's been almost 3 yrs now. Mind you, he was gonna posy them from Australia and i have now given up. will have to do it myself.

Happy monday everyone, it's almost over

Sometimes I think conspiracy theories are the only sensible ideas left to discuss in this mad, mad world. I was just channel hopping and came across some kind of documentary or rather program discussing the Oklahoma bombings. The idea was that Tim MacVey(whose execution i watched), did not act alone(something we all know). More improtantly though, it sounded like the FBI was on a huge coverup mission, what with the second JohnDoe being dismissed as a fiction of the witnesses' imaginations. What gripped me, and the journalists coming up with this...um.. tneory was the fact that 24 people stated having seen this second guy with Macvey on a particular day at the car rental place and later the FBI said the people were confused.

Now, i can understand people being confused about a person's identity but can 24 people working at the same place be confused about something that's on record?? I felt myself start to get angry. I mean, just like the next person, I like to hear facts and make up my mind. Macvey never said he wasn't guilty, thepoint is the FBI have let off possible other guilty suspects off the hook. What do they have to hide? And why was the building demolished just one month after the bombing? Can we ever get the truth about anything from any of these fucking agencies?

Incidentally "JOhndoe2" was found dead. the police/FBI claimed it was suicide, the cornmoners report stated a cracked skull with a heavy object and other injuries all over the body. It looked like an interrrogation gone too far....perhaps far enough to satisfy the powers that be? I actually got pissed off and fedup about all the lies and half truths(afterall what is truth except an individual's vesrion of events?) and swicthed channels.Only there is Irobot the movei. A robot being interrogated over a murder, and for simulating anger.

I give up.We have been told 9/11 was an inside job.The theories when you listen are very compelling. We've been told Princess Diana was killed through intructions from "The Firm". Who do we believe? Where is the truth? what is the truth?Was Hurricane Katrina ordered? perhaps that is the only truth we shall ever know for sure. An act of GOD that nobody could have done anything about. Of course the aftermath could have been different, but where would conspiracy theorists be then?

It all gives me a headache to be honest, but at the same time, it's very compelling and evokes feelings of despair and frustration inside me. I don't like feeling like a pawn or that i am being lied to. Perhaps I should stick to reading Lord Jefferey Archers books. at least I know,it's all definitely lies!

Delicious chicken curry I had yesterday, made fom scratch by yours truly. I used a scotch bonnet pepper so it was quite hot:p.I was sensibly selfish as I did notleave a note for my flatmate to have some. In any case he was out on a networking dinner in Westbourne grove so he must have been full when he returned. There was a piece of chicken missing in the leftover curry so i guess he had some today when the hunger pangs became unbearable.

I foolishly decided to go to bed with a bottle of wine. What i mean is I decided to finish a bottle of wine that i had started with a friend the previous day. When i felt suitably relaxed and slightly tipsy, i put the wine glass next to the littles tool next to my bed. Around 3am I decided to turn and I heard the glass shatter into a few hundred pieces. The culprit was my duvet i am afraid. Well, i should actually be more afraid of the possibility that the glass was one of the antique collection. I mean just a couple of weeks ago, i broke an antique plate and had to confess to the landlord's lawyer. I have not confessed to anyone about the glass. I cleared everything this morning and figured it's only a wine glass for fuck's sake. Clearly I am becoming clumsy or rather careless. My absent landlord on the other hand sent me a post card announcing his lady friend will be visiting in April. Very thoughtful of him, or maybe i am missing a hidden message.

Anyway, i had a long day, my mood dipped a little bit which wasn't fair on one of my clients as she then tried to comfort me. Then I had a busride from hell where schoolkids in South London decided to release a stink bomb! I am suprised nobody fainted, it was awful, and there were elderly people on the bus. I inwardly cursed those uncouth boys. One of their teachers accosted me. obviously my bum and hips talked to him but it was a bit eerie

I need to make sure i am up on time for work tomorrow, I can't keep getting there late,leaves no room for bargaining on certain things.

Hope u all have a lovely weekend, minewill sure be adventurous