Im sitting on my bed, with Gillaian MacKeith in the baground goading people into losing weight and my mind keeps wondering.It keeps wondering to thoughts of my my mother and of course I feel sad because sometimes I am tortured by memories of her last days. I actually remember what her clothessmelt like when they were returned from hospital. It's weird but it's bringing back the sort of pain nd anguish I usually manage to keep well at bay.

I know what they say about time healing all wounds, and it's true...mostly.Sometimes though,the wounds are ripped open for whatever reason and one starts to bleed again.I wish i could just forget and carry on normally. I am not being dramatic and I am ok most days. I dunno, maybe it's the dreary weather.So many wishes,nothing to be changed.

Tomorrow is another day though, and i am suremy melancholy will be gone

I am becoming addicted to TV. Morning Tv in particular. I arrive late for appointments because I stupidly sit in my room and watch "The wright stuff" or maybe GMTV. Still, I find some topics rather fascinating, likre this morning when the panel were discussing whether an 8yr old boy who was extremly obese because his mother keeps feeding him burgers was abused. Apparently it's in the papers(haven't seen it). Interesting though that most callers felt he shouldn't be removed from the home. By all apprearances it seemed the mother wasn't too concerned or didnt see the harm being done to the kid.

I feel sorry for the poor boy, it reminded me of a program I saw last night abut an american man who used to be the biggest man on earth. He weighed almost 100stone. Im not sure how many kilograms that is but it's a hell of a lot for the human body to take. he lost half of it on a crash diet in hospital. What i found interesting though was the fact that aonother guy's wife was not happy with the new him. She was constantly worried that other women found him attractive and she said his personality changed. I think it's like with any other addiction. Family members get used to living in a certainly way, some even relish "taking car" of a helpless person, like an alocholic who always makes a mess but has family to clean up after him. When these people stop these habits, I guess the carer can be left lost and without purpose.

It is vital for everyone to get help and be prepared for changes ahead and be sure they can accept changes in their lives. I sometimes tell my brother that he will die young(although he is in his 40s now), because of all the smoking and the drinking. I think I say it almost as a joke but sometimes I really mean it and I am quite prepared for it. But i think his wife would be really disturned if he suddenly went cold turkey. it wouldnt suit her I think. The thing is, because everyone is so used to seeing him under the influence although he convinces himself he is sober, it would be quite shocking to see him go a day without drink. Sometimes i wonder how it would feel for him to juts go for 24hrs without a droip. I trey to use money(the money he could save if he stopped), but it doesn't work. So I shall let him be, because he is an adult.

That poor obese kid who might not see his 18th birthday is another story. I hope someone will take responsibiltiy. He might be damaged in the short term being separated from his mother but if it is going to save his life and make him more aware of taking care of his body and nutritition then it's worth it.I was separted from my parents for a bit as a child, I am still here, a bit fucked up, but I am by and large a responsible adult who copes well with life. That kid needs a lifeline

My flatmate has a concert today. i did not get tickets although he told me about it excitedly on Saurday when I came home from a salas club.(my thighs still hurt from all that dancing, i must be getting old). I hope it will be a success. He did not put on the heating this morning because he has used up the emergency. Serves him righ for having the heating on at 1p, when the tempereature outside is 10degrees. I am not topping up. not yet anyway

I hate broadband. I hate the fact that i wrote a blog and it disappeared when i tried to post it because my broadband is iffy. Fcuk broadband and the same applies to my flatmate since i am sharing his. maybe fcuk my computer.

I am done

Ok, i think mr Valentine is a prick. A small prick. He probably isn't but that's how i feel at the moment. I met him on Monday for coffee after a disastrous meeting that never happened with my supervisor. Let's just say for a woman who "communicates" on a daily basis, she is hopeless at it and so we got our wires crossed and never met.

Anyway, "Valentine" rang me precicely at noon and volunteered to come pick me up. We then went to a coffee shop as I had told him i only had time for coffee. I thought it was a good idea since the first time we met it was a drink some some heavy snogging which left him with a cold(from me) and left me with painful stubble burn. Coffee was great, we left to go back to the car and he kissed me. I wasn't too enthusiastic and I couldn't for the life of me understand why he only wanted to kiss me in the car. Nonetheless, he kept heaping compliments on me, telling me I looked as hot as the last time he remebered and so on.

He had an appointment with a client so he had to rush. He gave me a lift so i could catch a bus and I rode with him all the way to the car park where he leaves his car during the day. We had another kiss but i was thinking more about why we couldn't do it outside the car.Does he have something to hide? He kept asking what i was doing for the rest of the day, that he wished he wasnt working so he could take me home. What?????

Anyway, as we were going our separate ways he aske if my hair had extentions. This was so out of the blue that i was momentarily stunned! Does anyone ask victoria Beckham whether she has hair extentions or not?.It was none of his business! He eargerly said he would phone so we could meet today or Friday. He has not texted or rung.

Frankly I am feeling pissed off and feel a tad rejected. I know i wasnt too into him, but the attention was nice and he was quite eager...to get to know me. He should've called or texted dammit! However, it's his loss not mine. Saturday is a big night at Guernavara, the Brazilian club. It's my friend's big night and if I can muster it after slaving away and getting abused by customers I'll salsa the night away and make sure I pull a tall sexy guy. If he's lucky, he'll get to taste my juicy luscious lips and go home happy

O(h, Roger texted out of the blue to tell me he'd been sick and would like to go for a meal. this is the guy I dumped on valentine's day last year(even though we weren't rerally together). He couldnt kiss to save his life and i wasn't gonna go further

I am having a period and the usual cramps that go with it and i have had to deal with unncessary emergencies. Not my own, other people's and now i am wondering if I have totally lost my moral compass.

The first was relatively easy: my friend met a guy last night at a club we went to in Camden town(oh yes, i boogied the night away which probably brought the meses on!:p) was in a panic about the guy. He gave her a lift last night after dropping me off near euston and she kissed him and discovered he had a healing cold sore. Bad. Then he rang her lying about getting her digits from a voice mail whilst he asked our male friend to supply the number. He didn't kiss too well but she is still interested. The girl is going away in a couple of weeks, why worry how a guy got her number. He was insisting on coming to her house for dinner, i wondered if she was ready to fend him off tonight be cause he would pounce as she is HOT HOT HOT! she heeded my advice and they are meeting at a neutral venue. She doesn't have to give him her pussy i told her and i actually think the whole idea scares her to bits. she's done it before but she is looking for mr perfect i think.

I wouldnt do the guy personally, he didnt looke the type although i did kiss that guy on wednesday but my excuse is good red wine!.

The second emeregency was a client who wasnt around when someone went to see her, i got a call to asking if i knew anything, i knew some stuff that i couldnt exactly discuss and so i had to answer in a way that wasn't a total lie but then not jeorpadising this client. It just because to much for me. I dont want to be covering for people or prontentially getting into shit out of a misguided sense of loyalty. I think it's going to be ok though.

My weekend job has been pissing me off so much that i have literally been unable to get out of bed on time in the mornings. Besides I discovered from my pay slip that there was a discrepancy with my pay and i "requested" (more like demanded to talk to the manager who got into such a panic because she thought i was quitting. She should be careful. Next time i probably will be quitting.

Thankfully i did not encounter my flatmate this weekend, he came in right after me in the wee hours of this morning and proceeded to put the heating on. I don't know if the guy is cold blooded or what's going on with him, but he can top it up, I ain't being played no more.

I need to decide whether I'll see Mr Valentine in Richmond tomottor. i have a meeting there. I think i need compensation for sustaining injuries from his stubble and also to see if i'll recognise him in the stark light of day. I'll leave the make-up behind and see how he likes what he sees. He called me "Beautiful" in a text last night and said his getting a cold from me was definitely worth it. Oh, he couldnt spell "definitely" like a lot people i know, so not a good sign.

I must stop being bad and just let him be. He's not terible flirty though, or maybe he is just terrible. i think he is a child. i must find out howold he is. if he is under 25 it might be a problem. MInd you, the guy after my friend calimed he was 25 to her(i could have told her it was a lie he looked to be in his 30s). He is 34 the little shit. poor girl, i hope she pulls through tonight with her chastity belt intact.

Oh yeah, i means being mowed down with a tongue:p.Before being mowed down( i have injuries to prove it, i attended my friend's wedding which went splendidly.She looked stunning at most brides do, for one horrifc moment she actually contemplated wearing "granny knickers", the idea being to hold in her stomach, and she wanted to wear tyhe dress withouta bra even though everything was measured with that particular sexy bra. Myself and her hairdresser put a stop to both ideas immediately.
They all said i looked pretty. It's amazing what a bit of makeup can do. I had on a bronze maybelline foundation(i never go out with foundation on), and i put on pretty eye makeup even a bit of blusher, so i guess i did turn head or so i was told.

The reception was held at a dainty chinese restaurant where we waited and waited for food. I actually started to wonder if a God existed when my hunger pangs intensified. Eventually the starter arrived, in drips and drabs. Nonetheless the food was great, i stuffed myself, enjoyed the wine(don't say anything, i had to toast the couple didnt i?. We all had to leave around 18:30 to make space for all the soppy valentine's dates who'd booked tables for two (clearly i hadn't booked a table for two anywhere so that's the green eyed monster coming out).

Anyway, I was innocently waiting for a bus home when a dashing(and short, in my view) young man came to ask for directions to a certain block of flats.It turned out the flats were right behind him and i duly pointed him in the right direction. He came back while i was still waiting and proceeded to compliment me on my looks and asking why my biyfriend hadn't taken me out. Ok, i've heard better lines than that inmy life but i was game. He asked me out for a drink, i told him i'd been drinking already but i went anyway.Why not? it wasn't af if i had to rush home to anything except my cold small cell of a room

So we went to a pub, had one drink, interesting conversation, he continued to lavish me with compliments and i told him he was lying but i would accept his kindness and then we left and went to his car. That was when my mouth god mauled and mowed. Seriously, i turned round to thank him, he started to say something and suddenly pounced!:p. I like to kiss, i thik i have documented that many times, but i don't understand peoplle who ram their tongue in your mouth aand go on and on relentlessly. whatever happened to teasing a littlebit and exploring gently?worst of all, he had stubble and i am so sensitive that it literally cut me. I realised this morning when my upper lip was swollen and very red and grazed and i think there was a little blood. I spent the whole day applying salve with aloe vera to soothe myself.

He was very turned on and my inhibitions werea a bit low as I let him grope me a bit and he guided my hand to his um...um thingy? It was very hard under the trousers. He told me i kissed wonderfully and i wanted to tell him to keep his tongue in his mouth. He then suggested we go back to his where we could be "more comfortable". The bastard! I said no, i had had fun but i was going home. jesus, you'd think he'd never kissed anand groped a girl before. Good thing i was wearing trousers, ghod knows where his hands could have gone;. He did get a hand under my sweater towards my boob. Like i said my inhibitions were low but i still had my senses. I wasnt about to go home with him.

He took me to the bus stop and sent a text later saying he enjoyed himself and he is still trying to calm his heart rate. I believed him. I had a nother franntic text for a meeting today, i made him sweat for over one hour and cooly said I wasn't avaliable, perhaps sometime next week. Let him sweat a bit, he deserves it, after all the injuries I have sustained, inflicted by him.

Talk about mbeing mowed down with a tongue:p

I had 60 blogfriends last night. I have jusst discovered I have just 59 at the moment. So like a lot of people who have mysteriously been dispatched to the land of "ex-blogfriend" i had a look at my list. Actually it took me a couple of scrolls up and down to realise it was BuzzyB missing. I rather pride myself in knowing who is on my list of friends and noticing when they go missing.

I am not sure how i feel about that though. I definitely read her blog and commented more than she ever came to mine, but i was probably someone she didn't need in her list of friends, which is fair enough.So farewell buzzy, it was nice reading your blog and supporting you occasionally.

It's my friend's wedding tomorrow. God, the struggle i went through to find a suitable outfit! I was still running around like a headless chicken today but fortunatley i found a nice top for a fiver(i kid you not) in a shop today. I was £25 in another shop and i inspected in thoroughly to check for defects. It is a pinkish woollen top. There was no way i was gonna go to that wedding in skimpy expensive clothes in this weather. I have a cold as well.Ok, i did splurge a bit on foundatation, blusher and eyeshadow and a dry run with the makeup today. I have decided to wear a pair of trousers i have with the top. I was going to wear a skirt but i have perished that idea. I don't feel well enough.

There might be drama tomorrow if what the bridetobe said is anything to go by. Irang her earlier this eveening, she told me the groom had pissed off in her car, her son's girlfriend was sobbing in their new flat coz she'd locked herself out and they had to break in. NOw she is gonna sleep with the door unlocked. It's unlikely that she'll get mugged tonight but I couldnt deal with all the drama so bade her adieu until tomorrow.

Not sure how i am gonna do my hair, i have to fish out one of my coats from the storage and i shall probably be late tomorrow. As it stands now, i have an alarm and a friend who rings me to wake me up every morning because i just can't get up. I probably won't taste anything either because my nasal passage is blocked and my tastebuds have gone to sleep.

I definitely won't be drinking

M

oh,what a night it was!!I had to rush back from slave duty(work) have a quick shower, slap on some make up(too bright eye makeup judging by the snaps ) and dity up my eye brows. I didn't bother to shave my legs. I mean what would have been my chances of pulling and having someone see my legs?besides it was soo cold and we were told to wear bootsso mysocks came right up to my knees.

First, there were problems with buses and the tubes so i was an hour late. everyone was half way through their dinner and i just ordered lasagne seeing how i am slow eater. I was so frazzled that i just wanted a drink The first was a large glass of rose, then another one and then my food. Meanwhile,the bride-to-be was being asked to do all sorts of things including pinching good looking men on the bum.So she ran around pinching the waiters(one was good looking until he smiled.he needs a dentist fast!) and there was a really gorgeous man there, i think he was the manager. They were mostly Italian so rather dark, handsome and not too tall:p.

After the meal, where i deprived myself of dessert(having indulged in a double chocolate sundae the previous day) we all walked down to the pub where the trsipper was waiting. we'd all paid £10 for him to take off EVERYTHING. There w was one woman who first had a problem with going toa mostly gay bar and then she had issues about the stripper taking everything off.The rest of us had no problem so she was told to just close her eyes and geton with it. I mean her reasons were that "he might have hairy bits!!" for goodness sake, so what? besides don't these shave?

Anyway, he was very fit, i'd get mid 30s. An announcement was made for everyone to look towards the stage, the bride-to-be saton the chair on the stage and allthe fun began. I was slightly tipsy by then, having had a glass of champagne when we arrived at the bar. Oh, he did his stuff alright. he let the hen put her hand indie his undies and have a proper grope and she yelped delightedly, screaming"HE IS SO BIG!!".When he turned around in his gtring, i couldn't help but edge closer and spank his bottom a few times. I think everyone(men and women) was getting giddy with delight at this point).

Alas, it was over all too soon. I went over and hugged him(stripper),he smelled so good and i started kissing him(not on the mouth you naughty things ),telinghimhow good he smeeld and so on.myself and twoother girls started dancing and one very camp guy started to bother me. we bantered a bit, he was quite funny i must admit. soo it was time for me to go and things went pear-shaped when i got to hammersmith broadway. Sitting down was a bad idea after all that bopping around. someone came to ask me if i was ok, i nodded but then turned to the side and puked everything i had eaten and drunk that evening. so the lasagne,and three glasses of wine and chmpagne. I think it was because i hadn't drunk water. managed to get on the bus, fall asleep and woke up when the driver woke me up at the last stop. I wondered around lost, a friend called me and i sobbed into the phone saying how lost i was but i managed to get home looking at road signs and street names. got into bed with my bra on, i was never gonna get to work on time yesterday and i was a whole hour late. Oh well, i survived the day, but now i have caught some kind of bug.

I have a sore throat, have decided to give college a miss. will go shopping for something to wear to the wedding on wednesday instead. Also, the office just rang tio say i wont get paid for one client because i didn't complete all the paperwork even though the relevant papers were missing. I am a bit miffed but there are more important things like my health to worry about.

Great party though, i'llstick to apple juiceon wednesday

I have a dimella nah, i mean a proper dilemma. I came home to find a note from my flatmate telling me to top-up the heating as he didn't have enough cash and he topped up at the weekend. I have no probelm with sharing bills. from past experiences I usually pay a little more or do a little extra. (a friend tonight told me i put a sign on myself saying walk here". That might be true).

No, what pissed me off is the fact that I know for sure that my flatmate is taking liberties. He has the heating on day and night and so uses most if not all of it. He turns it on in the morning when he wakes up which is about half an hour before I leave. He leaves the flat probably sometime in the afternoon and comes back around midnight or after when i have gone to bed and cranks up the heating again. I am sitting here, swathed in duvets cardigans and whatever to keep warm. In any case my radiator is not very effective.

He has not topped up electricity in a very long time so surely he knows we dontcook and have lights and watch our respective tellies because there is a ghost out ther looking after us! I FUCKING DO IT!! My problem is how to bring up the matter delicately, i realy abhor confrontations and i don't want to start getting panic attacks again because i am stressed and distraught. I am basically paying for his heating which i feel he abuses. come the fuck on, when has it been a prblem to warm up a room and turn down the radiator. What irks me even more is that he earns shitloads seeing how is a a musician and he has lots of projects on the go and wears designer gear. I don't want to have to call the landlord in the carribean or his lawyer somewhere out in the country but i might have to.

Ideas anyone? somethings are learned in hindsight anyway. You know i kept asking landlord about bills and he kept insisting that me and flatmate could work it out. And since i wasnt paying a deposit I guess I have to pay the hard way now.I have calmed down somewhat but i need to sort this out pronto. The bills dont justify the rent or my living conditions and i don't need the stress again.

On a more positive note, i got a pink top for the hen party on Saturday. Sienna, I'll take your Tshirt for another occasion. ok, the top is really "berry" so it's a nice colour and i can wear it again and I got it for a bargain £4. It should have been less but let me stop bitching.

I still need to get an outfit for the wedding. judging by the weather, it will have to be something very, very warm. The snow buggered me up today, i discovered I only had one sock on the one foot. How that happened is still a mystery to me but my toes were suitably frozen plus the tube had a problem and we had to wait for another train when the snow was pelting down. Somebody send me wellies now please. Now that all my hard earned money has gone to providinggas and electricity for a prat i'll have to rethink my finances. Bloody bastard!! I am getting worked up again actually.

I am looking for a pair of knee length boots.Maximum price £30 ok, maybe £35.show me you can bargain hunt and let me know, i have no boots no shoes and it's really getting desperate now

Enough, i am gonna make myself a cuppa and calm down

There is really no point in trying to blog whilst watching Desperate Housewives.It's no contest, so I am giving up the typing for the moment.

By the way, the slave brought shoes he promised me. opentoed naturally. I rekon he raided a girlfirend's shoe closet. they certainly dont look new, they are leather, he obviously had images of me in a dominatrix uniform when he got them. I have promised to take a picture,and send it. He nearly wt himself when he saw my feet(feet are his fetish).

I cant wear those to the wedding,totally inappropriate. I shall have to raid the high street tomorrow and hope for the best

Still,3points to him for effort

As in I haver just crawled into the flat now after midnight. my converse trainers getting dirtier and dirtier but what can I do? I went out with the slave, after he helped me put one of my shoes on(he practically grabbed it off me) and then kissed it. wouldn't wash his hands after. He'd invited me for a drink at 8:30 but rocvked up an hour later when i was really too pissed off to go out. I relented nonetheless. we went to a bar nearby where they were holding some kind of dancing lessons. I dont think it was salsa, but they had the moves certainly. Apparently they have lessons every tuesday from 4pm until 9pm. NOw that's what i call value for money

The slave and I shared abottle of wine. He bought,m i was upfront about not having money and having written off his debt to me he really shouln't have been surprised:p. wewatched the dancing, he claimed he was a great dancer, i told him i was excelent and that was no exaggeration.I started to get tipsy and was talking a lot about birthdays and sex documentaries I had seen on channel five.i have no idea what bearing theyy had on ourconversation at the time.

Anyway,he has volunteered to buy me shoes for the wedding i am attending next week. he says they shall be open-toed and i imagine he'll want photos of my feet. I don't know what i shall get for an outfit. I need a smart but warm coat as well since the weather has been so foul recently. This is truly ging to be a mission for me. as for a present, slave says if i get a voucher it can't be less than £25! Fuck that, these people are getting married again to each other, i ain't spending that muvh on vouchers.call me stingy bnut the truth is I cant afford it.

By the way, tell the powers that be that there is a reason people leave the lids of toilets up: because they might pee on the top if they are dopey happened to me today, fortunately i was able to get up quick befgore i messed upmy pants and jeans when i realised the pee wasn't goinginto the hole. Andto think i was wearing glasses at the time??!! i did have a moment when i wondered if the seat wasn't too warm but thatnk goodness for my kegel muscles, stopped immdiately and continued after sorting the mess out.

I'll probably be late for work tomorrow but i dont give a fuck. Flatmate just came in now. NO curry or foodforhim today I am afraid, he can fend for himself,he is a grown boy

It's been a while since i have cooked a proper delicious meal...apart from the christmas dinner which was slave labour. I have burn marks all over my hand and arm to prove how slaved over that:p

Last night, after a rather long day I decided to brave the cold and take the walk to Portobello Rd tesco and buy a couple of items. of course that turned into lots of items that i didnt really need like low-fat yoghurt, cereal, wine, juices(not from concentrate therefore expensive for yours truly!), chicken pieces(which was what i had really intended to buy), some vegetables and a curry paste. I had had the suddenly brilliant idea of cooking a curry and saving some for my errant flatmate.

First I had to mop the kitchen floor since it was soo filthy. There was no way i could cook and eat in there.Then I had to empty the bin, download skype and msn messenger onto my computer(yes, i now don't have to run all over the place going to dodgy internet cafes thanks to an old dear) and generally get the whole place in a better condition. I usually make my own concoction when i make curries. i dont cheat by frying diced chicken and then pouring one of those sauces from the shelf in. I did use one, as an aid to what i already had. Couldn't decide whether to go Thai or Indian but i settled on the Indian jalfrezi, thereby missing the last episode of junior mastermind!Damn, the was a really cute boy with chubby cheeks who was in the final. I hope he won

It turned out wonderflly I thought. I had to chill the rose in the other fridge that surely should not have anything in it. It should be thrown out because of the state it's in(i found it like that).I took my chances though and i am still ok today.Anyway, I decided to be generous and cook a lot of rice and left my flatmate a note saying if he had the munchies when he came in he could have some of the curry. I think his cooking is slightly superior to mine, or maybe the better word would be "flambouyant" but i can carry my own you know.

He banged on my door this morning and was sooo grateful for the food. As I susspected he came in probably after midnight and had to eat something. I think usually he subsists on sandwiches at that time but he thought my curry was great. I dont have the "runs" today, he shouldnt either. I was ready for him today. you see, yesterday was the day he banged on my door and i had to let him in, wearing my skimpy night clothes, had to stretch and bend over to get the computer going so we could hook me up to his broadband etc etc. I was wearing a thong, my butt must have shown and having gained a bit of weight i wasnt happy for him to see my like that. Call it vanity or whatever but i dont care that he bats for the other side, or both sides if the stories he's told me are anything to go by. Anyway, i have seen him in his white briefs early in the morning, when i was exiting the shower and he had to hurry and empty his bladder. And to think, i had thought to walk out without my towel but grabbed it at the last minute? He would have seen my pudenda for goodness sake!

Anyway, i quite enjoyed the dinner even though it was a solo event, afterwards i had a couple of glasses of wine and berated myself for i should have been drinking water instead.

I am going to a wedding next wednesday, I need to get an outfit and look stunning. The hen party is this saturday and I have been informed I have no option but to attend. We are supposed to wear pink tops? i dont think so. I will wear anything but not a pink top unless you tell me of a place where i can get one for £3 and throw it away afterward. I havent even bought a present. These people are marrying each other again having divorced 6yrs ago and they really dont need anything in terms of house staff. I dont know what i am gonna do, will appreciate any ideas anyone might have.

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

New Policy: Effective from 01 January 2007

Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed.