I would like to be in a job or a world where there are no other human beings. Seriously!! Whatever I am going thru is affecting my relationships with all the various individuals negatively. Got to work this morning.It was ok. Client was excited about her wedding dress, kept asking me if i liked it. It's ok, it's pink which is her favourite colour but it sounded like my verdict was very very important which made me uncomfortable. I do like it. Then I had to endure the flower girl's dress, which was pretty. Dark pink. Little girls look pretty whatever they were. She has three pairs of shoes to choose from but she wanted me to decide. I declined and told her she has to do it as she will be waring them the whole day. What she wants matters more than what i think. But i found the whole thing depleting. I am not bouncing off the walls at the moment so having to muster all that energy.

Her friend had dumped a bagful of clothes to try out or to give to friends. There were a couple of size8 dresses that she said i should try. I thought my arse looked huge in them(show me a woman sho doiesnt get slightly insecure when they try on dresses and stuff!). She then said she suspects I am anorexic, i am slim but i think im fat etc etc. I pointed out how I eat all day, don't diet, and i don't throw up either. I just want to be toned and fit that's all. The anorexia thing was taking it too far. 55kg(gained three over xmas) is a healthy weight for me.

As if it couldn't get any worse, another client rang my office claiming i was late when i was actually on time. I go there at 3pm, for some reason she had it in her head that i am usually there at 2pm. Did not like being shouted at. That was the last straw really. Of course another old dear was frantic and thought the post office might close at 1pm before her bills were paid. legitimate concern of course but i could have done without thr flurry of phone calls.

So how am I feeling right now? Frustrated. I want to kill my flatmnate or empty all his make up and hair products into the toilet and flush them down!:p. I also want to shut down for 10days and pretend like i don't exist and the world doesnt exist either.

However, before i punge into the deep end, in might as well let you know things aren't actually that bleak. I had a nice day out on Sunday, drank lots of champagne and actually got tipsy from all those bubbles going to my head. But i was nice and relaxed as i wasn't working and so could spend time with important friends

Vivi has fucked off to Dublin to shag the ex who broke her heart a million times 3 years ago. I think she'll go back to Brazil after to mend her broken heart again. It turns out she left London a couple of days ago, while i was running ragged looking for her on streets that do not exist.

I don't do resolutions but I am resolving to have a happier and more positive day tomorrow. i shall sleep chanting the mantra!