I am panic-stricken!! really, and knowing me, this will continue well into the night. I have now called three friends who have not been very helpful but there is nothing they can do. I have wasted my pay-as-you-go credit so now i am writing to you because it might just be the therapy i need. I think most people know about my new year's eve, how i got trashed out of my mind with a couple of shot of tequila and polish vodka and found out on new years day that i had made several phone calls to friends, family and ex-friends. the particular ex-friend I am referring to now is Deciever.
The man who is the reason why i started this blog. The man who by virtue of having been in my life pushedme into therapy because i was depressed and almost suicidal at one point. Not all his fault, my own for having such bad judgement. Anyway he has been calling me today and I am (figuratively
) shitting myself and cant answer my phone. I do not remember if i spoke to him or not, whether i left a message for him. When i realised i had rang him among all the other people, I feverntly prayed that he was out of the country or he'd put the phone down or that we never spoke. Fat chance. God is never there when you truly want to believe in her/him!
Since i have no recollection of our verbal banter(haa haa), i have no form of defence and really do not feel like being demolished by a big guy right now. There are other things going on in my life without welcoming almost certain humiliation into my day. He is still here unfortunatly for me, I can only assume he rang because..well i dont know know. It must be to do with the new year's thing otherwise why ring today of all days and every 10mins? no message so obviously he wants to vent his spleen on target and not leave a message. He is capable of leaving a message if he wants. But I am so scared and i can't avoid answering my phone forever. it is ridiculous. Any ideas anyone? i am now thinking if i found a hypnotherapist who would help me relive the trauma of that evening I might be better prepared. I cant tell him I dont remember, it's happened before(truly) but it does get old doens it?
On the other hand i might be completly wrong but i am not willing to find out just yet. I cant deal with the stress. I need a dentist, my brother is sick and I am going grey. NOt good
On the plus side, a tall dark and not too handsome american that i met way back in august 2006 has apparently been hassling my friend's friend for my number. apparently i made an impression that day we met. So i fugure if a guy can hassle someone for my number for 4months non-stop i must be on to a good thing. I thought his legs were too thin but hey, he had nice lips and he wasn't Dubya's neighbour so there. He was apparently on leave, back today and i expect he shall cal me during the course of the week. I might have my first date for 2007!! not bad huh?
Another guy who was a guest at the xmas dinner rang to tell me he likes me and he DID NOT like the cute guy kissing me. well too bad, his lips were delicious and i wouldn't mind another appointment with them.phew!
yesterday evening after work I i got together with some colleagues and we demolished a couple of bottle of wine. there were four of us and i had the good sense to leave whilst still sober. Of course being girls, we discussed sex, men, dildos, vibes and so on. It was great. There is a girl who is in love with someones deep voice. she says she actually gets wet to the point of coming when the guy says the word "fantastic". I wonder if he hypnotised her. I told her to do the deed as soon as possible. no need to waste her juices like on a voice.
I feel a little better. perhaps i was just startled that HE rang. I hope he leaves a message or just leaves me alone. 