1. did laundry at a friend's. poor thing, she didnt have to but she insisted since she knows my woes about non-existent washing machine.
2. friend pissed me off. I really dont see why i have to go down to waterloo to meet her everytime. i know she woerks in the area but i always get lost in the station. I would rather we met each other half way. she takes me for granted. I refused last time, she wants me to go tomorrow. I have a card for her and her husband so maybe i'll throw that across the table, wish her a merry christmas and fuck off that should teach her.

3. Im bunged up again. too much starchy food. I need beetroot fast. cant trust senokot. it gives me the runs...and wind

4. couldnt cook last night. Flat mate wqas cooking up a storm. I think he had a dinner date.I locked myself up the the cell you call my room and watched telly. i heard pots and pans clanking in the kitchen and loud male voices. I wonder if he got a shag. it all went rather quiet around 11:30pm. i think the dinner companion had gone but that party started long before the dinner, judging by the wine glasses in the sink when i first arrived. so maybe he got lucky before the dinner...working up an appetite.

I had to settle for an old pice of left over pizza, and some coke and yoghurt for dinner which i gobbled up quickly so i couls be out the way.

is anyone freezing as much as I am? i am meant to be out tonight but i think i'll just curl up in bed. I feel like my life is slowly wasting away, work,home, telly sleep and so on and so forth. but in this weather, i wont take a chance. I have gained half a stone. did i say that before? i wont diet until the next year. It's amazing what a couple of croissant each morning, or hot cross buns(this morning) or raspeberry and chocolate mufiins(this afternoon can do). and i bitch about being bunged up

I need my brocolli and spinach now!!!

Im just tiree. looking forward to christmas whre hopefully i can sleep undisturbed. i am not giving out or receving present. I have had the chocolates and other shit alread so that's enough for me.

ta-ra

It's been a rather gruelling week and a half. i cannot belive i have not been online in any capacity for more that a week. i was definitely starting to get wthdrawal symptoms. Most people seem to be losing their marbles, runnning around like headless chiockens, buying present that people do not want. i have already recieved a tin of very sugary and buttery scottish biscuits, as well as a huge tray of chocolates. fair enough, the person who bought the biscuits was just being practical, they know about my dicey existence. i had three this morning and felt full for quite a while.

As for the chocolates, i had a toffee last night. i might have to throw the rest away unless someone wants them. clearly they were very expensive but i can't devour them all. As things stand, i have already gained half a stone(3kg) for indulging in Mcdonalds burgers, going to a couple of xmas patries and just eating endlessly. stragenly enough i have not been drinking...well bar last night when i had a couple of glasses of wine.

Quick updatw on what's been happening: went to a party last weekend where i demolished a bottle of wine9i was drinking water in between so dont wag your fingers yet!) . The part was in north london, I stayed at my friend's place in canary waharf after being stranded for ages in liverpool street, with no buses or taxis forthcoming. by the time we got to her digs, it was 4:30am, i had to be at work at 7am. so i jumped in the shower, had a cuppa tea and slept for less than 1hr. There was a boy at the party who really thought he was gonna score with me. while walking us to the busstop, we all started chatting and being slightly tipsy i mentioned that i was wearing a thong which had "if i don't get my way everyone is going to suffer" across it. naturally he got really excited and wanted to see it. i had to fight him off. Two of the male friends we were with thought it was all innocent but i know a horny boy when i see one. he suggested that he had a shower i could use not too far from where we wear and i could wear his boxers(when i said something about not wearing the same knickers again). Fortunately the girlfriend and i made it onto the bus, I had to drag her on as she was concerned about the male friends. They were going back to the party. she wasn't even tipsy the bus driver was already moving on but i was vocal enough and he stopped:p So no more sleeping for one hour. at my age these things take a toll

The cassanova at work decided to flirt with me that very morning at work. I mean he has never been so blatant before and i went along with it. At the end of the day, he kissed the one girl on both cheeks goodbye. he then asked to kiss me as well and he planted hs smackers right by the corner of my lips. im sure that was deliberate. when i turned for the second cheek...oh well, let just say he stole a quick one. i really had to get away fast cozim sure the alcohol was still slightly in effect and we could have snogged properly. it was still fun. everyone said how happpy i was during the day. i told them i was on drugs and it was the manager who sold them to me. he didn't know how to respond to that(the manager).

This past weekend casanova was feeling sick. rather quite i think he was there just for one hour and went home. I sidled up to him and ran my hand up and down his back and told him i'll kiss it all better. He visibly perked up and even smiled slightly:p. The other girl said "you've got the right medication don't you?". I purred"i've always got the right remedies babe". pity he was ill. maybe not actually. he flies off to poland on xmas eve but it's been fun. His girl says she has called the whole thingg off. it never got off the ground actuallly which is sad.

I wasn't gonna join in the christmas madness. i actually think it all went out the window the year my father died. suddenly there were no decorations or presents under a tree and i think we never put up decorations again. We also buried my mother literally 3 days before christmas a couple of years ago so it's still a bit raw really. It's not bad so don't think i'm whingeing but it gets to me a bit and im trying to avoid stress. i was looking for a crad for a friend of a friend today who is a manic depressive and it was difficult to find a suitavle card. most individual ones are for couples/wives/mother/father and so on. eventually i found one which i hope is approrpiate and will lift her spirits.

Otherwise, all is well, i saw flatmate this morning after 10 days or so of not seeing him at all. Life is good

P.S. If i do not post before next year, have yourselves a peaceful christmas and best wishes for 2007. live life, leave the regrets from 2006 behind and look forward to a new tomorrow.

My 300th post. I cannot believe it has been just over a year and i have managed blog three hundred times. Ther were times when I sort of slumped and flet like i had nothing to blog about but i persevered. I think there are people who gave up when the novelty wore off, which would probably have been around 12 posts or so. Keeping up with friends, new friends and just blog in general is never easy so I am proud of myself.

I maged to get a nice set of underwear today. Fron TKMaxx. The bra gives me a very nice cleavage, it's black and red which is very suitable for that elusive tryst but at least I can say I am prepared should the opprotunity arise. I had to swap the kncikers with a pair from the "A" cup. I think it's weird how they always place the smalls with the A cups, the mediums with the Bs and Cs and so on. someone can have small boobs with a large derriere, no? Anyway i always swap the mediums for the smalls. I remember a long time ago, when i was still averse to thongs, a friend telling me i should always go for a smaller size no matter, or go a size dowm because your actual size will always be bigger. There is some truth to that. I have taken xs. It looked rather big on the hanger so we shall see.

I then bought a pari of jeans for £16. It would have cost me £70 in the high street if these people are to be believed It's a tad small i think. no, i know, because it shows my bum crack a bit. It's super low rise and i guess i shouldnt have bought it but i reckon i can wear it 3 times before it is ok. I wonder if they have a return policy? Maybe i can diet? fat chance with christmas and turkey coming. Im sure i'll be fine. I have needed a pair anyway and a bit of retail therapy was just what i needed.

I imbibed alcohol this entire week. so pround of myself. Not that im on the wagon or anything. Im still constipated though. Not helped by two croissants this morning. I'll have to eat lots of beetroot. It always helps. Anyway that's too much info for you guys.
cheerio:p

My 300th post. I cannot believe it has been just over a year and i have managed blog three hundred times. Ther were times when I sort of slumped and flet like i had nothing to blog about but i persevered. I think there are people who gave up when the novelty wore off, which would probably have been around 12 posts or so. Keeping up with friends, new friends and just blog in general is never easy so I am proud of myself.

I maged to get a nice set of underwear today. Fron TKMaxx. The bra gives me a very nice cleavage, it's black and red which is very suitable for that elusive tryst but at least I can say I am prepared should the opprotunity arise. I had to swap the kncikers with a pair from the "A" cup. I think it's weird how they always place the smalls with the A cups, the mediums with the Bs and Cs and so on. someone can have small boobs with a large derriere, no? Anyway i always swap the mediums for the smalls. I remember a long time ago, when i was still averse to thongs, a friend telling me i should always go for a smaller size no matter, or go a size dowm because your actual size will always be bigger. There is some truth to that. I have taken xs. It looked rather big on the hanger so we shall see.

I then bought a pari of jeans for £16. It would have cost me £70 in the high street if these people are to be believed It's a tad small i think. no, i know, because it shows my bum crack a bit. It's super low rise and i guess i shouldnt have bought it but i reckon i can wear it 3 times before it is ok. I wonder if they have a return policy? Maybe i can diet? fat chance with christmas and turkey coming. Im sure i'll be fine. I have needed a pair anyway and a bit of retail therapy was just what i needed.

I imbibed alcohol this entire week. so pround of myself. Not that im on the wagon or anything. Im still constipated though. Not helped by two croissants this morning. I'll have to eat lots of beetroot. It always helps. Anyway that's too much info for you guys.
cheerio:p

Saw a woman i used to care for today in a coffeeshop. i did a double take. She looked so well. dont think she recognised me. As i sat down with my tea and a book i was intending to read, i agonised over whether to go over and say hello or pretend like i hadnt seen her. We got along at the time. i remember she was undergoing a gruelling treatment for cancer and she had a colestomy which some of her previous carers had found distressing or disgusting when they had to help her wash or watching her empty it. i just got on with things and learned a lot from her.

For the life of me i couldn't remember her name, first of last. I couldnt concentrate on my book and kept glancing back to see if she was still in the shop. Eventually i just walked over, said hello, introduced myseld and we had a wonderful chat. She remembered me and had also been wondering if it was me that she'd seen while picking up her coffee. Her tretement went well, she thinks the cancer will come back but then, lamost a year ago she belived she wouldn't see her 50th wedding anniversay. it has come and gone. I was very glad to see her and promised to visit after the christmas mayhem. That was a highlight in my day today. Seeing someone who was on the brink of death at one point getting out and about.lovely.

Another client who had an operation on friday rang me today to tell me she misses me. i had rung several times and left messages to see how it all went. i'll visit tomorrow. I actually never imagined i would become friends with a lot of the people i deal with. They are so diverse and they have brought out a level of patience in myself i never thought i possessed. they think i'd make a wonderful nurse. Clearly they don't know me well enough!

Since im in dire need of new underwear, i trwaled the shops in the west end yesterday and continued today. perhaps i am being fussy but either the stuff wasnt worth the price on the tag or it's just a vile combination of colours! Since when has pinck and white, pink and black, polka dots being the best colours for underwear. i am at my tethers end. someone plese tell me where i can get decent underwear. i dont mean bloomers. sets of things and bras. no mickey mouse patterns or over-elaborate lace and chicken filling. good luck im sure someone out there knows exactly where i can go. . simple back, or blue or heaven forbit dark pink or pruplish will do. i can tgo on the way im going so it's a desperate situation really.

I haven't cooked in so may days now, i should cook and eat properly tonight. i went a bit crazy yesterday morning and mopped the kichen and bathroom and scrubbed everything. i think im getting some kind of obsessive disorder when it comes to cleanliness. I should be in my own house and see whether i would behave the way im behaving. maybe it's the stress who knows.
I think i should have a dinner party for my friends before they all fuck off for x-mas. i'm not sure what i'll be doing but it would be nice to sort of have a rehearsal dinner and see how i cope on the day. I wont get trashed...maybe a little bit

Saw a woman i used to care for today in a coffeeshop. i did a double take. She looked so well. dont think she recognised me. As i sat down with my tea and a book i was intending to read, i agonised over whether to go over and say hello or pretend like i hadnt seen her. We got along at the time. i remember she was undergoing a gruelling treatment for cancer and she had a colestomy which some of her previous carers had found distressing or disgusting when they had to help her wash or watching her empty it. i just got on with things and learned a lot from her.

For the life of me i couldn't remember her name, first of last. I couldnt concentrate on my book and kept glancing back to see if she was still in the shop. Eventually i just walked over, said hello, introduced myseld and we had a wonderful chat. She remembered me and had also been wondering if it was me that she'd seen while picking up her coffee. Her tretement went well, she thinks the cancer will come back but then, lamost a year ago she belived she wouldn't see her 50th wedding anniversay. it has come and gone. I was very glad to see her and promised to visit after the christmas mayhem. That was a highlight in my day today. Seeing someone who was on the brink of death at one point getting out and about.lovely.

Another client who had an operation on friday rang me today to tell me she misses me. i had rung several times and left messages to see how it all went. i'll visit tomorrow. I actually never imagined i would become friends with a lot of the people i deal with. They are so diverse and they have brought out a level of patience in myself i never thought i possessed. they think i'd make a wonderful nurse. Clearly they don't know me well enough!

Since im in dire need of new underwear, i trwaled the shops in the west end yesterday and continued today. perhaps i am being fussy but either the stuff wasnt worth the price on the tag or it's just a vile combination of colours! Since when has pinck and white, pink and black, polka dots being the best colours for underwear. i am at my tethers end. someone plese tell me where i can get decent underwear. i dont mean bloomers. sets of things and bras. no mickey mouse patterns or over-elaborate lace and chicken filling. good luck im sure someone out there knows exactly where i can go. . simple back, or blue or heaven forbit dark pink or pruplish will do. i can tgo on the way im going so it's a desperate situation really.

I haven't cooked in so may days now, i should cook and eat properly tonight. i went a bit crazy yesterday morning and mopped the kichen and bathroom and scrubbed everything. i think im getting some kind of obsessive disorder when it comes to cleanliness. I should be in my own house and see whether i would behave the way im behaving. maybe it's the stress who knows.
I think i should have a dinner party for my friends before they all fuck off for x-mas. i'm not sure what i'll be doing but it would be nice to sort of have a rehearsal dinner and see how i cope on the day. I wont get trashed...maybe a little bit

I saw Matthew Wright's programme this morning, "Thw wright stuff". They were discussing people who use others. like friends and family. those who always take take take. or ask ask ask and get. One of the callers said he was a user, especially in business and he felt those people who get used allow it. I think it's true. They just seem to get away with it and we let them.

I have a friend who is almost like that. I am not sure he realises it.He always asks for help with wirting stuff or this or I always have to go to his place if we have to meet. Like he is king or something.and of course i always oblige. My fault really.

Yesterday he asked me to help him write a motivating letter or essay for a scholarship application. They have specified what they expect in the essay. I told him to draft something first so I could correct him or maybe help prune the thing a bit. He feels I am a better writer than him(i won't disgaree ). However, he wanted me to write the essay and i said no, it would just sound like "me". so he should write and i'll have a look. he has now said I should write it and he will "take ideas" from it.

I won't. it's one thing to help friends move, help them with money, go to their places and so on but i am not writing an essay for him. why should I? when i had problems at landbitch's he used to laugh at me. When I had problems with dissertation he laughed. when i needed a small loan he refused. when i needed help with jobs and stuff he could help with, he laughed it off or ignored me, yet when he wants something from me, he demands it and usually gets it.

I am not doing it this time, im sure he'll hate me and make me feel bad but enough is enough doncha think? I hope he gets the scholarship but he needs to sweat a bit for god's sake. I have enough on my plate as it is.

Been eye shopping for underwear today. Any idea. I need new undies as soon as possible. my boobbs are rather full, im spilling out. might need a bigger cup.ooohhh

Some people have the natural flair and other have to work very very hard of their techniques. I am happy to announce I am a natural and really last night i surpassed myself. Actually I shocked myself so much that i kept saying to my friend"i can't believe that thappened"!

A frind came to meet me in London bridge after work and so I decided to take her to my workplace to we could have a bite or something to drink. The last place you want to hang out at it your workplace but there is no smoking there and the other bars and pubs were just awfully smnelly. Bearing in mind what happened on thursday when I drank too much and felt queasy and smelly from the moke the next day, i wassn't about to have a repeat performance

Anyway, we got there and suddenly a guy wlaked it. medium height(for a guy), dark leather jacked, dark striped shirt and my friend and i did a double take! it was one of my colleagues. I kid you not. Z looked so suave. i mean he likes to joke and call himself george clooney but i thought he looked better. It was his day off but since he has been promoted recently(better rate than im getting i can ssure you), he had some stuff to do so he came it.

My friend and I ordered a pizza and started catching up on news.She's met some Irish guy who os really into her, she is treading carefully, hasnt dated in a while balh, blah1 I got her to send the guy a text and suggest drinks or something. Life is too short!! She thought Z was stnning, and said there was a vibe between me and Z. well we've always had a vibe. Friendship. bitching about worek, encouraging one another and just normal chat. although i had noticed he loooked rather snazzy. He came to join us, orderd his pizza and then it all started. One of the waitresses came over, they talked about how they all went out the previous night, and how he didnt pull and so on. coz i told him that just wasnt right. But then he went on about he's got a king size bed and and he leaves 30cm of space so I am welcome to crall in anytime and explore him.:p The bantering contunued withthe other girls as well and then he sudddenly turned towards me and said "would you like to explore me?", I said "what"? he spoke louder so the other could hear him, "Do you want to explore my body and enjoy it?" being a sport i said "Baby, every nook and cranny!". then he said "how do you like it? do you like everything or just the bits". I told him I like it anywhichway. The other girl jumped in and told him he'd better shave his ass, in which case we moved on to showers and baby oils and things. I have to tell you we were all steaming.

I asked him how big he was and he said he had a rolling pin. I am not quite sure how it all got to that point because before that we were just teasing him and i was telling my friend i would hook her up(she is stunning and very petite).There was just this frisson of excitement, crackling in the air. i don't think we have ever gone that far in our innocent flriting. the other girls now want me to come and visit the flat because the whole thing was so funny and entertaining.

I recall I started to preen. You know, playing with my hair, cocking my head to the side, leaning over and all sorts of thing. it just came. i bet we were all secreting pheromones. The weirdest thing is that none of us had had any alcohol. I mean my friend and I had pizza and tap water,. Z had pizza and a coke, the waitresses nothing and yet we were all trappend in this burning sexual malestrom.

Aaah, it was good whilst it lasted. I can say i perfected the art. My friend whgispered to me "you can get any guy you want, juts like that(snapping her finger when she sai"that"). I should hope so. I don't want my colleague but when he looks better than Clooney and offered his boy to me., well, well, might be hard to resist.

Otherwise, an evening of great fun. couldn't have ended on a better note.