Tonight id going to be a bit strange for me. I shall be all alone in that flat. My remaining flatmate is leaving today. I saidgoodbye to her this morning and dashed off before we got too emotional. I don't really do emotions, meaning, the wailing and the crying just isn't me. So we hugged and hoped to see each other again. He boyfriend is giving her grief, first he wouldn#'t come down (from Manchester) to take her to the airport, he is now demanding some T-shirt of his she's got and I am meant to give it to him sometime this weeekend. It's amazing how petty we get when things sour sometimes.

Lnadbitch of course left a note last night saying we should tell her when we are leaving as the new tenants are coming on Sunday. Did she mean i should leave the flat by sunday? Has the trollop lost her thimble-sized mind or what? On the other hand, flatmate was missing a new shirt that she had bought for her mum as a gift. We can only assume landbitch stole it since she lets herself into the flat and our rooms without warning. She rang her, but she couldn't exactly accuse her. She has unpacked and repacked her stuff several times still no shirt. I have a feeling she might search my stuff before she goes even though she knows I have pititfully few items, but she can go ahead. I shall sort out landbitch properly when i have left her place. People like her deserve what they get. If only she was decent and treated us fairly, but no, greedy people always have a mean streak in them. But then, someone once told me London isn't a place for gentle people like myself. It's a dog eat dog place. I really do not want to believe that but the characters I have encoutered make it difficult to shake that off.

Anyway, I am meant to be going to some seminar tonight on how to make wealth. I should really have said no to the friend who booked the tickets. I've been to similar things, you invariably have to join some obscure pyramid scheme and i think ultimately hard work is what matters or a bit abit of luck or both.

An acquaintance invited me to her housewarming party. I should have declined as well but i agreed. it's quite far really and i don't see how I could go there after work on Saturday and wake up again on sunday. She said to bring a girlfriend so i guess she's afraid many people wont turn up otherwise why call me out of the blue when i didn't even have her number? the mind boggles

I think i'll walk around naked in the flat, watch the DVDs flatmate will have to leave behind and just generally enjoy my two days of asolute solitude. Maybe I should host a party. mmmmh. we'll see about that. I have sort of started looking for another place to stay. not panicky yet but surely that will come.

Life goes on...

I wonder what constitutes child abuse?This morning I witnessed a woman pinch her 3yr old's ear so hard it was red for the 30mins journey. The child didn't scream but i looked on horrified, the older sister saw me and made her mother remove her her hand.

I have been on the same bus with this family before, the little boy is too old for the push chair really, perhaps he has some mental problems, nothing severe, it just seems so to me. In any case, he didn't want to sit on the too small push chair and wanted to sit with his sister on a proper seat instead which he did. But kids being kids, he wanted to play and the mother wanted him to be still. He started making noise(not screams or anything) and she pinched him so hard I nearly shouted at her. I think i was just too shocked. Maybe the kids are too much for her, maybe her husband beats her I don't know. The little boy then started pulling the older brother's hair(i guess he learned from the mother) and at one point he fell off the chair and landed on his head! The mother was deep in Arabic conversation with another woman, who incidentally asked why the kid's ear was soo red. I think the mother told a lie. She wanted to bundle him onto the pram, he protested and as there were a few more people then, she just held him. I feel sorry for that boy. I'm sure the mother has pressures(4 young kids everyday) but it doesn't excuse her behaviour.

It actually brought back memories of my kindergarten teacher who had a deep hatred for me and another girl(my mum was friends with this girl's grandma and the grandma was head at some school). Anyway, one afternoon, she decided to beat us and three other boys black and blue.For kicks really as she often would. This girl was so pale and fragile-looking that even a slap would leave marks on her. She told us if we cried she would beat us further. The one boy was bawling his eyes out and i thought he'd pass out from the lashings. Anyway, later when I got home i was stripped of my top and made to stand on a chair, like i was some kind of "exhibit A" in court. My entire back was black and purple by then. I was at my aunt's but my parents were summoned immediately. My dad was away i think so it was only my mother who turned up. The friend wanted the police to be called immediately and for that awful woman to be arrested. My mother, ever the diplomat wanted her to be talked to instead and see if she could be rehabilitated. Christ! I don't think i ever got over that, I let my mother know when i was older and able to articulate myself. To this day, i still wanna spit on that woman's face, or corpse.

Ironically, my mom and i once met some woman who chatted briefly to my mother when we were out shopping. I stood apart from them but afterwards my mum asked me if i didn't recognise her. I said "who?" she said "your teacher from kindergarten". I felt rage well-up inside me! But in my mind I still had the image of the cruel twenty-something year old. I never occured to me that she might grow old and fat and that my memories of her might fade.

I have found out where she lives, I once heard she was sick. My mother said if i went to her and vented my spleen she might die from a heart-attack. I think I would have done man-kind a service. Besides, mother isn't here to misguide me into letting go of what i should have dealt with ages ago. I don't think of it often, the kid's ear being severely twisted this morning brought it back.

As if that wasn't enough trauma, the landbitch sent an email, calling me "sweetie" and "Angel" and telling me how a wonderful tenant I've been, she hopes she wont upset me too much by telling me i have to move out. She has people who want the entire flat and as she is a businesswoman she has to take the opprotunity and since i haven't volunteered to move, i dont have to pay her in October. Well, she fucking has my money so it's not as if she is being charitable is it? The bitch is telling me i'm homeless but she understands. Fuck!Fuck! Fuck! Perhaps it's a good thing. afterall, the other girls i have been with have left, i should have left ages ago, but it's such a hassle. where am i gonna go? how will I raise the 2months deposit etc etc. She's just messed me up at a time when i don't need to be messed up. Anybody know any relatively good places in West London? Geezer has offered me to shack up with him in his dingy place in the past It's looking awfully attractive now...not!

On the other hand, Deciever's friend is after my friend. He's rung me three times,she sort of flirted with him, I thought she liked him and she is shocked he is showing interest. Of course he wants a shag what else. She asked me if i'd met his family. I said no, had she? She said he has a sexy wife and three kids. Doh! He still thinks she is sexy and next time i might just pass her number to him so they can deal with their pent-up sexual attraction or non-attraction. I have bigger things like homelessness to deal with than hooking people up or even myself up for that matter

On a positive note, i am meeting my friend C whom i haven't seen for almost the entire year. Amazing really considering last year when i was going thru some truly awful shit i could go up North and hole up in his house for days on end. It's only for a brief period though, he is passing thru London and so i'll see him for an hour or so.

I haven't started doing my assignments today. i'm being a bad girl, as bad as having a bottle of wine yesterday and paying for dinner for my money-hoarding friend last night(he'd better pay me as he knows im in the redx200 at the mo) and then having cramps in my legs again. something is up, i should either start eating salt or start running in the mornings or evenings.Or see the awful Dr. again. not.

Not the best start to my day all this.

OOOh, she was wonderful! I had her 21/2 times and felt myself come alive each time, to a poitn wehere i started to giggle, them laugh with sheer abandonment. I was literally buzzing all over but i stil had my faculties afterwards:p

Before your minds go into overdrive, Dotty was a wonderful cocktail I had at a bar off Bond street on Saturday night! This is the night I managed only 3hrs of sleep and had to dash off to work again but what a night

My two flatmates are leaving London. One is actually getting on a plane this afternoon, Fuckwit is leaving next Satruday so they organised an impromptu drinks/dancing sesh via texts and I went over after work. I decided to hang out by theriver coz If i had gone home straight away I don't think i would have gone out again. Last week, with all the daily assignments had left me knackered to the bones. I met up with another friend who was invited and we did some window shopping on Oxf street before heading to the Loop just off Bond street.

The burly doorman asked if we were on the guest listv when we got there round 8pm(one of those bars). We weren't of course but saw the other girls sat at a corner and told him they were waiting for us. Next he wasn't sure if we were over 21yrs! naturally we laughed. How absurd. I don't think I looked anything but over 21 on saturday night but I guess it was a bit of a compliment. The guy was serious though and kept asking if we were sure. We had told him we were over 26yrs.

Another gilr who looked like a teen wasn't asked her age. I bet im older than her. Anyway, we looked at the drinks menu, Long Island tea looked interesting but it's all in the name innit? When you get to the barman and order a drink, you should do it in a way that gets the message across properly and intimately and I thought Dorothy's orgasm was just the drink. I've had a screaming orgasm before(Im talking about a drink not one of my physical ones ) and it was such fun ordering it. I went straight to the bar and said to the intimidated looking barman(might have been his first day):I'd like a screaming orgasm now, are you up to the task? I wasn't even drunk then! I got it and it made my body scream, so there you go:p

Three of us shared the cocktail jug and when more guests arrived(people I've never met) and asked me what i was drinking, i told them in a husky, seductive voice: Dorothy's orgasm. Like i was stealing it from her. One girl was a bit naughty and we started to banter straight away. Meanwhile another girl arrived, rather harried and tres dramatic and launched into a tale of how her ex is trying to kill her. Well, she owes the dude £2000, lives in his cottage and is still stalking him a bit. Her boobs looked like they'd have a wardrobe mulfuction at any given time. They didn't but the po-faced guy next to her kept poking them. She didn't seem to mind, i was fascinated by the idea of them breaking free and them being free for all to view and touch.

After the cocktail, I had a glass of red which i took down to the dungeon. Ok it's a basement but it felt like i was descending into a dungeon. The dancefloor's there. the music was great and i got into my stride right away. Some guy with good rhtym clocked me and came closer till we had our little rhythm going on. Then he became too clingy like we were together for the night. I had to ditch him as he kept touching my ass. I was having none of that at that time but i was polite and just moved away. Later on a girl who was really working her body(she is either in hospital now or is limping for sure), came over to our group and screamed in my ear that her boyfriend hated dancing and so she came out by herself. Good for her. Guys were giving her the eye, one grabbed her and started gyrating with her so it's quite possible boyfriend is ex-boyfriend now

I kept looking at the time as I had to be up for work but the girls (and guys) wouldn't let me go. I danced a few times with a boy I know, we were really getting down. I suprise myself sometimes on how flexible I am. It doesnt matter what shoes Im wearing, I can go all the way down and come back up without breaking sweat. He asked me to jiggle my bum a la Beyonce and I indulged. I think he got a bit of a hard-on and he took my number coz he wants to go danicng again. This is someone whom when i met for the first time snottily told me his name is Mike,only those who know him call him Sam. Hah! he saved his name as Sam on my phone

Round 1am, I decided to go. Regrettable as I had gone from promising to stay for one drink to dancing to lots of songs. The DJ did get it wrong in parts like playing billyjean and some stuff from when i was a pimply 13yr old but overall it was all good. Got home at 2am, had a quick bath and was up again 3hrs later.

Dunno how i surved yesterday but i did. I declined another night out. I have priorities afterall, went to a friend's to crash-elarn some stuff on her computer for my assignment today. She did the course in french, couldnt help much and thoughts of her boyfriend in Iraq who is sort of having a mental breakdown out there(from his emails) was distracting her. I think i'll manage though, as soon as i'm done with this. My post got deleted a few mins ago

Flatmate is giving me her TV so I really chuffed. it's quite huge, not sure where i'm gonna put it and she'll take it up today before leaving for the airport.

What a weekend, I wish i could sleep now as I hardly slept last night and was getting cramps all over my legs.

Happy Monday guys

Too many phone calls from friends and acquaintances demanding the pleasure of my company. I can't meet them all. I have deadlines to beat and other stuff to concentrate on but somehow I don't think they quite understand.

I have a friend who has been away from about three weeks. he is a bit of a diva, a drama queen if you can say that about the guy. Yesterday, he sent a text to say he was back and could I please come and see him. I always go to him, even when i ask to meet somewhere in the west end where it is central for both of us, plus he works right there. So i didn't go, I told him perhaps tomorrow. I doubt it though,I have to try and do some mock-assignments on another friend's computer as she has the programme. I am a bit worried about the second phase of my course. the first one seemed rather easy in ther end. perhaps it's because my confidence is beginning to flounder and I am starting to doubt myself.

Perhaps I should go out now and get a bottle of red. I could drink half of it but that wouldn't be rpudent considering I have to get up at an ungodly hour tomorrow for work. In desperation, i bought the lottery ticket today. One always feels they could win and throw their misery in the sewerage. Dunno about that but i was willing to try.

I am currently reading a Bell de Jour book. It's called "The further adventures of a London call girl". I never read the original, but it's quite witty and entertaining. Lots of calls girls are writing books and making shitloads.Like that "Diary of a Manhattan call girl". she has a second one out. I wonder if there is a genre left that one could exploit. If it's not so-called chick-lit then it's about call-girls giving us trade secrets. I must admit I found the "Manhattan girl" book rather informative and educational. Those people take their professions rather seriously but it boggles my mind how they do some of the things they do and if indeed those things happen.

I haven't eaten much today. A burger and chips. I had a burger king yesterday. i never eat burger king but it was quite nice. Dunno what to have for supper. I think wine. maybe not. some grub will do me good. Will have to think quickly. Flatmate's now-on-boyfriend is apparently coming down for the weekend. Let's hope the other girl doen't run into him in the bathroom(naked again). Well let's hope so we can all be confused again and have a giggle later

I feel tired. My mind has been working overtime this entire week but i'm glad to annouce i have made significant progress. Way ahead with projects. I sort of bollocked my bank. well the person i was talking to and they made me call some other person(in Glasgow i suspect) to sort me out and i told her exactly what i wanted and i wasn't taking any more excuses. They take more than 10quid off me every month and yet they don't look after me when i request something as simple as sending a pin number to a branch so i can pick it up at my own convenience. I think they got the message this time. It pays to sometimes be a little angry and not take no for an answer. It also helps to take down people's names so that when they try to shut you off you tell them "so-snd-so said..."

Happy weekend everyone

I think i left my brain somewhere,early this morning. There I was, with my buspass happily getting on the bus and proudly showing it to the driver. As soon as I mounted the stairgoin' up, someone shouted at me to come back. The driver stared at me, i stared back and showed him my ticket. I mean, what could have been so wrong?? It turned out my weekly pass had expired. Last night. SHIT!

I knew thursday was the 21st for some reason, yet my mind refused to clock the fact Wednesday would be the 20th. When he told me my ticket said 19th, i boldly asked him if today wasn't the 19th. Obviously not, and i had to get off and decided to go and buy a day pass. I had to go to the bank, except they open at 9:30 on Wednesdays. Incidentally that little fact is written in very small letters on the plague outside, as a results, atleast five of us had been waiting outside until someone from inside pointed out the fact. We were all swearing as we left. I need to see them urgently but i can't be late for other things because they have a misleading sign saying "MONDAY-FRIDAY 9:00AM" and then in barely legible writing, something about Wednesday. Unfair and rather annoying.

So before going to the college I stopped of at a Primark and saw some seriously sexy thongs at a £1 a pop. I got one, in leopard print, very see thry and decorated with red lace on the sides. It's really something to wear on a frivolous date/night and to be ripped off but i wanna see what it looks like on me later today...when i try it on.

The cashier smiled(i sort of threw it on the counter and it's such a little thing, just a scrap of material:p) and told me I cannot exchange underwear or get a refund. I don't intend to to either. I felt a lot better about the morning's events and can now proceed with my next assignment. Ive had a cup of awful coffee but im buzzing already so i reckon my brain was just frozen, it's slowly thawing now and pretty soon it will be working. I need to lambast a few people today and i think i'll be good and ready round mid-day when they are about to enjoy their lunch

They better brace themselves!

I had a day yesterday when i felt angry inside.I was reminded of a song by a Canadian girl Monica, who had a hit song which had these lyrics" it's one of them days that a girl goes thru, when you are angry inside..."

So as is typical, myself and the two girls started talking in the kitchen while preparing our respective dinners. I asked the one girl if she thought I was being hysterical, she said I knew I was being hysterical! Perhaps I was, perhaps I was going through an episode of pre-mid-life crisis

I guess I just needed to vent some stuff, I am sure i was being unreasonable, I dashed off to buy a bottle of red wine(Spanish). It wasn't cheap but it tasted rather cheap but onto my second glass i was enjoying it immensly

Meanwhile, confessed she was having a crisis with her boyfriend. they just got back together again. She has issues of jealousy. Apparently she met a girl that her man tried to date whilst they were apart. She turned him down, but my flatmate started being obsessed with this girl. We told her she might have had a case if the guy had kept all this info from her, but in the interest of transparency, he confessed and now she is holding it against him. Mind you, she saw other guys and there's lot in line to date her. She had the grace to blush when we pointed this out.

It's amazing what stick we give to men sometimes or how mad we drive ourselves. The whole discussion went on and on, a friend of mind rang me in the middle(a guy, whom I told we were holding crisis talks etc) and he laughed. He is going away in a couple of weeks and agreesd that indeed men can be great causes of emotional shit for us. I tried to cut the conversation short but this is someone who talks as much as myself if not more, so i cocked my ear for 30mins more. I am amazed i never interrupted him.

I cancelled the meeting with the bank today, i had a project to get thru, which i did and I would rather deal with that when im less tired and ready to commit myself and ask all the relevant questions. The woman tried to push for another Ap but i declined. I understand banks rather well and my duiscipline has not completely deserted me. I'll probably run over in a panic and demand they give me a £10000 loan and sign without reading the small print

I'm starving, haven't eaten since breakfast. Dunno what i'll have but it better be good!

Were you there? i thoroughly enjoyed it last night, despite the fact i was on my own, having stayed longer at work because they were short-staffed. since everything was happening along the river I just walked about. It was nice to see the carnival which was more pleasing to the eye than the one I can't remember from 3 weeks ago but the music was crap. I had to stand up on a wall since hundreds of people were glued everywehere along Westminster bridge and there was nowhere to squeeze myself in to get a glimpse.The police told me a couple of times to get off-which i did, but they never said not to get on again:p so i did!

Admittedly, i didn't see much at first but then a group came dressed rather colourfully. The most outstanding member(every pun intended!) was the penis. Yeah, someone was dressed like a giant penis while another person, I don't know if they were male or female, was dreesed from head-to-toe in a purple and yellow bodysuit and had a giant penis standing erect where the private bits were meant to be. It even had little spikes going in all directions. I think i must have been the only person in that particular crowd who was shocked enough to gasp "OH MY GOD!". i'm not sure how they were allowed to to that but guys and girls, if you ever see a monstrosity like that in real life: RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND DON'T LOOK BACK!

There was some dance thing going on in front of the Tate Modern. kids and pseudo-professional dancers strutted their stuff. Some people looked like they were hurting themselves, except they were too drunk to feel the pain immediately. However there was one captivating couple and everyone around was impressed by them. I was certainly captivated by their moves and the ease with which their bodies seemed to be in sync.

A basker almost brought me to tears. The guys was singing some classical songs accompanied by a cello, singing in falsetto and it was magnificent. Something in his voice touched a nerve inside me and I felt my eyes well-up with tears. I threw him a few coins and walked of wondering what was wrong with me.

sitting by the river watching London by night and generally soaking in the atmosphere was probably just what i needed. Of course I looked at the murky waters and wondered what it would be like to jump in and never emerge. I qucikly perished the thought.

The whole thing ended with almost-spectacular fireworks which i saw clearly. At one point it looked like heavenly bodies were cascading down and just when the crowd began to roar in appreciation, the whole show limped to a resounding halt. One woman in front of me with a thousand peircings on her lower lip(i don't know how her cute boyfriend kisses her) said "Is that it?". I echoed her sentiment.

I went home after, quite knackered and fell asleep after reading the money section of the Guardian from saturday.

I am now stuck on an assignment and don't know what to do. I'm half way thru the project and now it's getting more difficult and I cannot think just now. Well, i can but about things I shouldn't be thinking about. Things that aren't good for my mental well-being so i'll move along. I'm feeling rather perkish at the moment so maybe i should go and have a sandwich.The last I had at this place had a strand of hair so it's a real dilemma. And I went to the bank to change some pennies(4quid worth) and the bank manager tried to talk me into getting a credit card or increaing the limit if i have it. They do take £10 every month from my account(for services and whatnot) so I shall demand they double my credit limit. I deserve it, not that i ever go over, or even to the limit but having it there surely is good.

Maybe im playing with fire:p. Never mind, i'm gonna eat and then do the effing assignment. I was so enthusiastic last week. I am now falling flat. I need all my energy reserves now more than ever.

Be good

It's amazing what a bit of concentration can do. here I am, having to cram months worth of work into 4 weeks and i am already ahead. All that time i wasted blogging(sorry guys ) and literally staring into space was a complet waste. I am learning a course and having to do assignments at the same time. Since i have been given a month's reprieve to try and catch up, i have been working like a little demon and right now, I am well ahead. it initially worked out to about 3 assignments per week but at the rate I'm going, i'll finish with a week to spare...possibly dead by then!. They aren't really difficult but i finf i'm rather slow and ideas come to me just when i'm giving up. Or I spend too much time trying to come up with a good brilliant design then i remember i don't have to give myself a splitting headache over this. Surely if I am getting the idea across that i understand the work it's good enough? I have bigger things to worry about anyway.

I even find I have ample time to check emails and blog and still get work done. Oh, the benefits of hindsight. I wanna weep now for being so stupid. But i can't be that stupid if I am discipling myself.

Friend gave methe low-down on her visit to deciever. She was impressed by his house. Im sure he was inwardly impressed by her being impressed. anyway, she had good dinner(he cooks well) but she doesn't wanna go back. I think he'll pursue her, she doesn't think so and says she doesn't fancy him. also how he treated me was the pits. But i was glad she had a good evening. it would have been awkward with me there. Alas, life goes on.

I shall have to buy a tube pass now since i need to dash off to the office across town. I am being made to do a course which will supposeldy be beneficial for me and the people I take care of, but they strung me along for months and months and when i nearly quit that's when they said i could do the course. £5 one was to bloody putny. Im in zone 3 at the moment. Bollocks, bollocks bollocks! And Im starving. A peach and a banana aren't enough of a lunch. The other day there was a strand of hair in my sandwich from my favourite lunch place. I havent been back since.

I have started drinking coffe on the way at a tube station where the guy does not clean the steamer. I have done coffe work before and so become rather particular about little things like that. What will i eat then? thereis a KFC nearby but i almiost wanna puke thinking about it. I might have to though.

Happy days!

never ever be stupid enough to try and condence 6months work into 4 weeks. that's me. I totally ignored my graphics course and now im paying the price. My head is buzzing and now i have a cold. Fuck! i just designed something and lost all the information or can't remeber how did some of the stuff which i unwittingly undid. does anyone wanna do the work for me?? pretty please?? I'll buy you a soya Latte

Deciever has invited my friend round to his house tonight. of course she rings me everytime to give me a blow by blow of their conversation.He rang her apparebtly to say he "wants to talk about me". then proceeded to interrogate her about my behavour at carnival, asking her where she was, who the guy who was taking care of me was etc etc. i hate it when she tells me she thinks he still likes me because i have to protest and it makes me seem a little....mad? I think he's making moves on her, I can see the signs, and she is sort of thawing towards him.

She asked me to come with tonight, i told her not to be ridiculous, Why would i pitch up at his house uninvited? I do hope they don't talk about me. She has a thing of trying to defend me which is sweet of course but deceiver is a different kettle of fish.

To top it all off, I have a cold, been sneezing all over the place and i think the person i#m sitting next to will be glad to see the back of me. been thru two boxes of tissues and my nose is red red red!. Got up for paracetamol and lemsip last night. i do hope it lasts less than 7 days. i wonder if chicken soup works. I think it's a myth. I can't stay in bed coz of this fucking project but of course I'm solely to blame.

Drat! i'm off for thr long commute home.
Thanks everyone who responded to my plea on logos. You were all very helpful and i finished in double quick time. I have 12 assignments to get thru in 4wks so that about 3 per week. I am trying to be ahead though but right now, my head is just spinning!
Later

can someone plese tell me what makes a good or a bad logo. This is for an assignment. I need to find six in a magazine tonight and discuss whether they are good or bad.#

Fuck, i wish someone could do this for me, having spend the whole day having to desging something or other, My brain is now in freefall!
Help, please

My very rude and nasty landlady left us another nasty little message yesterday. Naturally i got pissed off and emailed her sometime today, telling her i don't appreciate her tones, she should respct us and speak to me better. She responded by saying she is a businesswoman and not a baby sitter and that when she writes she is not thinking about sensitivities.

Right. business: she is squeezing the council and government for money that she shouldn't be gtting. I could prove some of this.
2. she is giving false information to the authorities about her situation.

Now, can anyone tell me how I can put this witch out of business because i have had enough. course i might have to sleep in the street, but she needs a lesson. Right Now.

I'm all ears

Was meant to meet a friend after work today. She wanted to see me, rang a couple of days ago and yesterday. I rushed thru work today. Called her: no answer. then i sent a text to ask where we should meet. she replied saying she was sick, has to cancel.

She's cancelled at the last minute before and im getting fed up with it. one time she left it till a couple of minutes before the appointed hr then said she was feling down coz she saw her flatmate and boyfriend kissing and it depressed.(she is single).

But you see, im rearranging my life everytime to accomodate her. I think she takes me for granted. i'm not sure she if sick today. she might be but given her track record wher our relationship is concerned i have to wonder. I think she knows i will always make time for her but i am starting to resent her behaviour.

One of these days i'll snap and i wont be sorry. i'm not a doormat and really i don't need to be messed about. well maybe she's just weird. maybe i am weird who knows. I don't think i've told anyone i'm sick just to avoid meeting them but i know i have cancelled meetings because i didn't feel like it. However i didn't do it when people were already waiting for me at the appointed place! I don't think it's fair but there you go.

I'm gonna go off and have yesterday's left-overs now. The fish turned out rather well and i shared with flatmate who was sooo grateful

life at the moment sucks but as a "clever dick" once said: this too shall pass. Sooner rather than later i hope

party last night. only girls(plus one gay guy who baked some of the eats). we all had to wear dresses. some of the girls flaunted the rules naturally but i was there to tell them off.

Not bad. had a glass of champange and stuck to orange juise the rest of the time. so i fell off the wagon, well just one foot off.

I wore my little black number. got compliments all around althought there was another girl with a pink number. almost like a ball room gown really. she bitched about her boyfriend to the girl she was sitting next to for the whole evening. not a bad partty but rather subdued. we played pass the parcel. I got a shower sponge. I need a new one anyway so cool one to get. I stuffed myself. cheese, more cheese. cakes, half a brownie(i dont really like chocolate),more cake and strawberries in my juice. tahnk goodness i was wearing blck otherwise they might have though i was preggers at the bus stop after.

still stressed. my own fuck ups in my life and the chickens have come home to roost. seeing a dr on friday, have had a growth behind my knee since the beginning of the year. been growing steadily. someone said it might be cancer. i don't think so, but i don't care. it just itches a lot which is why im getting it seen to.

anyway, i'm gonna mke myself a nice dinner: trout, baby potatoes in lemon, butter and herbs, brocolli and baby carrots and some spring onions. I'll then wash all of that down with cranberry and rasperry juice. If anything, i might as well treat my body right no matter that it's disintergrating coz of the mind.

I'll be ok. I'm sure i will be.
Enjoy the England game those who'll be watching

that's how many entries i have got. been a year since I started blogging. However right now i want to scream a little bit and feel better about whatever is ailing me

absolute absolute bollocks. That's everything. but i'm sorting it...i hope:0. my hair is a mess, i toot a pair of scissors to it yesterday and ended looking like a zombie. i might have to see a professional(hairdresser about it!).

I saw Geezer on friday. he made me feel better about carnival and so im almost over the whole incident now.I feel like shopping(on credit) but i guess it's a blessing in disguise not having any cards at the mo

gotta dash, my american friend who wanted me to find a match for him a few months back has just said he wants the girl after all. bugger. and he is asking all sorts of silly questions. good luck to him., i knew she was a good match and he should pay me for services rendered. he said " hide da booty" as a parting shot. no chance