I wish it was on Elm street but it's my house or rather place of abode. As of last night i'm in dark City. hopefully there shall be light again tonight. Stupid roommate. I can't be her mother and monitor her actions when it comes to topping up electricity. She was meant to, misplaced the little tag thing at her work place. She tried the switching on the emergency thingy but she's done that once too often. I think the powers that be decided a lesson had to be learned.

So my yoghurts are going to rot no doubt. maybe not, it was cold today. I cannot use the laptop in the house to type my dissertation till she comes back tonight Geezer rang an hr ago to invite me to supper. I declined. No need to play with fire after nearly getting burned the last time. Perhaps i should've said yes seeing how i wont be able to cook tonight. Shit that girl to hell

I have now had a sandwich. And to think i cooked both of us a lovely dinner last night. I don't have the strength to be too angry. i told her she was like a child needing supervision last night, that's as far as i went. I should've let rip perhaps but that wouldnt help my blood pressure would it? I have more pressing issues like work, or the lack thereof. Oh dear, might have to see a bank manager or those loan-sharks in those dingy offices.

I'm just resigned now. fail my degree, Live in the street and die of hunger

enough

1. lending my roommate money because she cant handle her finances.

2. going easy on her regarding household bills. Im not her mother. im not a mother. i have have no wish to be either at this present moment.

3. procrastinating. im just being shitty to myself.

that's it for now

Two naughty friends want me to do:
List ten fictional figures you would have sex with (in no particular order), then tag five people to do the same

1.Lara croft, tomb raider (hope she won't raid me to hell!

2.Barbie, while ken has gone off to the shops

3.Denzil washington in any character (yummm

4.Bon Jovi(i know he's real but the dude is hot!)

damn are we at 10 yet???

5. GI Jane

6.Benton Fraser(canadian mountie in Due South. very sexy in that red Uniform

7.James Bond

8. Murdock from the A-team

9. Kojak

10. Marky Mark:P

Tags: eggbod,ambrovel,kiki2u,neilemac,Steph

buzzing from 2 cups of coffee which is too much for me really. ordered a cream cheese bagel at some deli, asked them to toast it, i got it balck. didnt complain, sat down, nibbled one bit and left the rest. it's not like i hadnt had breakfast but still, i should have the guts to complain more. the last time this guy made me a latte it tasted like...god i dont know what. i keep thinking i'll find the nice man who always makes me food the way i like.Maybe he is on holiday. maybe he's fired who knows

I should be getting on with my college work but here i am pissing about. I need someone to smack my backside and spring me into action...except i might just enjoy the smack on my derriere

Milk boy rang yesterday, i was working, but roommate buzzed him and he rang back as she was entering the flat. He asked to talk to me and when i asked him if he wanted to chat to her(after a long time on her phone) he said it would only be to say goodbye to her. Ouch! then she played her gospel music and we sat in the kicthen and chatted till midnight when i should have been doing some work. Wine isn't good for me. Im going on an alcohol-free period. as soon as I finish the rest of the wine:P

Had a text conversation with a friend abroad.
Me: how is your sex life(after talking business stuff)
Her:I ain't complaining! i guess if ur livin with someone it becomes daily bread. good thing he usually takes care of my needs 1st b4 penetration as i still can't climax thru penetration. Still sore now. after my periods it feels like we are starting from scratch.

(lucky girl having daily bread after years and years of self-deprivation. Her parents aren't happy and she is 28!

Me: don't knock lube we've talked about that haven't we? no need for soreness unless it's delicious soreness. I had a man who was and huge. we used lube intially and i got to a point where i didnt need it as much,he was sensitive to my needs and that helped. Lube adds intensity to the whole thing.I think i'd like a woman now to be honest!

Her:He doesnt really like lube( )
Me: He is MAD! men like friction. good4him, bad4u. It's all mental. we are Vtight arent we? put on some lube whilst he's not looking. he'll think he's the one making you wet and sleek. Idiot:p

Me: I actually enjoy giving a blowjob. I can almost cum from that. same with kissing. I guess being a late starter has it's advantages.

Her:There's no better truth than that. NOw I can ask4what i want,unlike if i started yrs ago while shy...try a blowjob after a swirl of red wine. tried it once!

Me: Done it!also alternating hot n cold beverages n something minty. very nice.now i want to work on relaxing more and being multiple orgasmic when i find a man/woman

Her:Maybe a sex life with a woman is better but im not sure it's worth it. We've now got a lesbian at work & her fights with her lover r getting 2me. I am not surprised. we seem more volatile don't we?:b

Me: do u like cunnilungus?
Her:Luv it I wld also like 2get2 a point where IM TOTALLY RELAXED. im falling asleep, let's have this interesting and necessary convo another day. Dont die from too much sex! As if

Me:My chastity belt is on. Still very bright outside here. making dinner. was nice2chat. nite nite

See? two innocent women discussing what might be boring to some people I had to edit some of the stuff out of course but all this is true. And im wondering why i might fail my degree

Later

:pHaving found my voice again after that torrid course of antibiotics this past week(five at a time ), i engaged in conversation with my flatmate late at night. Of course it was about men. what else could two sexy young women talk about late at night? we dissected the various men, bastards, seducers, deceivers, bitches, tarts and gentlemen who have graced our lives in the past and recently. well we mostly spoke about bastards. there is nothing more sattisfying than spewing vitriolic bile from the very depths of your spleen and then sleeping like a baby. Her ex almost drove her to insanity(never mind that she is normally on the brink ). but she is a lot better now, i have noticed. As for my shit, well it has been well-documented here mostly so i wont delve into it. but i tend to analyse when we are talking. it was interesting that we have both had people try and almost succeed in totally eroding our self-esteem. naturally we have bounced back and they are eating their own balls for having lost such fabulous women Of course i went on to express my desire for a girlfriend, soon after she said she was glad we were discussing men and not women like ive been doing. Then she drops a little bombshell(which i think was a lie) that she had a relationship with a woman once but she cheated on her lots and lot. The woman was cheating not my flatmates. (that explains whay she ogles me when im having a bath. I mean we strut around naked , i dont have anything she doesnt have and visa versa.Last night she commented on my body after i put on my hotpants to sleep

I guess what she was saying was men are like women. no difference. but i think there is. For one i could pull a woman's hair hair and give her a couple of slaps and roll around on the floor as opposed to begging and talking to a strong man. This reminds me of a time when i was young and had really long hair. I used to play with these kids who really should've been grateful to be allowed to play with me(im not being arrogant). they held me up once while she pulled at my hair and roughed me up. I could do jackshit! They were just jealous:p

I hinted that my secret socks are missing and so if she sees them i'd appreciate her giving them to me. (i know she has stolen them) and so she confessed that she probably has them and wears them. i want them back. currently i wear them mismatched, the once i still possess. if a car hit me, i'd be taken to the morgue wearing mismatched socks. I would not appreciate that. dead or alive.

Slave-wanna-be sent a rapid succession of very desperate texts. For fuck's sake, ive been ill, feeling low and then he sends this:Godess, i await your summons to debase myself at ur feet. Please let me know asap. U understand my needs for your cruelty instinctively. please be merciless.xx.This was after another one where he said he hoped i was keeping my feet nice and sweaty for his eager mouth(yuck!yuck!) another begged to kiss each of my feet for a couple of hrs each month. under normal circumstances I would have come back with something cheeky but i don't need this right now. Told him i can't enter into such a relationship with him but i hope we can still be friends. He said he understood my limits. Im not sure he does it was getting freaky.

After a while i thought to myself: i have two great little black numbers and I saw a pair of Very sexy red sandals for £5(i kid you not!) and i thought i could wear one of my dresses, or a red one that i have.(that would be overkill actually). Anyway, wear my little number with those sandals, command him to take me to some nice restaurant near the river, order whatever i want on the menu, make him order but command him not to eat. Then perhaps i could let him be positioned so he can see my legs and peticularly my red-painted toes:p He could look but not sniff or touch. if it got too mcuh for him and he passed out, i can always push him into the river. alternatively, after satiating myself i would make him pay then get up and leave him there by himself. he did ask me to be merciless. That's what im toying with at the moment. We shall see...

Got a call at 2am frigging idiot! I told him im asleep, then he asked if i was asleep. is there an echo??? that pissed me off. He rang today. I did not answer. i fancied his brother more anyway but i got attention from him. oh well. boys.

Geezer rang while i was at work today, asking me to come spend the day with him.He's getting relentless now. Is it the mating season yet? I told him some of us have to toil for our existence. of course he understood:p That man can rip my chastity chains to pieces if he wants. Im not gonna find out

A client is going on holiday. I get a lot of hrs from her. I wont afford my rent which is what i told the agency yesterday this can get shitty actually. I need to be working. Aint life a bitch sometimes. She(client) is going on holiday with her ex, she made me read her "libido" tablets with intructions in french and i explained how she should take them and all other things. They arent doing it, she wants to get herself horny so she can reject him there like he's been rejecting her for the past few months. Talk about being sadistic! I said she should take along the dildo he bought her and use it on her twin bed while he is there i couldnt believe i said that but fair is fair right? why take tablets to "up" your drive if you arent going to release the tension? the mind boggles

My dissertation is overdue. my exam is imminent. Heaven help me coz Im beyond helping myself

I need a bra that's got those fillet thingies. ive dropped almost two cups it would seem. not fair. actually going without isnt bad. they may look like grapes but if they don't resemble prunes i reckon i can still hold my head high, and straighten my back

work was crap today. I got abused by someone who fanices himself to be a manager. i blanked him and told him to never ever talk to me like that otherwise i would slap him. Ive never slapped anyone, neitherdto i have the inclination to violence but it's nice when you can say that convincingly:P. His facial expression was priceless. im not taking crap anymore. not when im feeling crappy. Ive had a glass of wine. will have another before i go to la-la-land.
Cheers
P.S. Thanks to all those who wished me well.much appreciated

just came from the hospital armed with antibiotics. will be gone for while. nothing life-threatening but i do need my sleep
cheerio

We've been building towards this point for a few months now so it wasn't a total surprise.I went to the library yesterday then decided to ring him and drop by and say hello. I always enjoy our chats and if nothing else he makes me laugh see my problems as not insurmountable most of the time.

I rang the door bell, he came out, we hugged and he wanted a kiss. So we had a kiss(imagine kissing your dad or kid or uncle. that little "mwha!". But he held on to me even as i tilted my head back to look at him. he tried to kiss me again and i felt his wet tongue graze my upper lip. Yuck! so i disengaged myself from him and we went into the house.

He was in a very excitable state but that happens a lot when he hasnt seen me in a long time. He kept saying how sexy I looked and asked me why it was he liked me. I said I probably remind him of his ex from 10yrs ago that he goes on and on about. Im like a therapist when it comes to her and he feels comfortable talking about her to me.

The next thing he was on his knees, telling me he wants me to be his summer flame, he could "clear" away everything else(i imagine his little side fucks ). I told geezer that was impossible. I like him precisely because we can talk so openly,we aren't sleeping together(god, no!) and tried to make him realise he only gets like thing sometimes then he calms down.Of course i wore my psychobitch t-shirt whick freaks him out a lot He begged for hugs, I hugged him. he said he was really opening himself up and I should just let him go with his feelings. I'm sorry but going with his feelings meant him touching me all over and getting thru my chastity belt.

I told geezer to get a grip(on reality, not grip me. The next thing he said was that Deciever had asked him if he was fucking me. Bloody deciever!Why the fuck does he care? Of course they are friends and funnily whenever Deciever rings me(to try and rattle my now solid cage i'm always on my way to dinner with Geezer. To him dinner means a shagfest i guess. Apparently he said no, we arent but now he really wants us to and had the audacity to tell me my time was running out when some girl crowded him at portobello market in nottinghill(after I suggested going for a walk coz he was getting too much in the house).The girl- Voice all girly-girly, hips and breasts jutted out and she totally blanked me. I was amused by the whole thing and stepped aside. Geezer then introduced me and she said a cursory hello.

It turns out he'd taken her out once when her granny had just died and she was just smitten.He is a charmer, like most geezers which is dangerous of course. I told him she was fit(in a gym-going kinda way) but no, he doesnt want her. Atleast he's got a possible shag in the bank is what i said to him.That's when he repeated if i don't do him by next week then i shouldn't come back crying, saying i made a mistake. Haa!haa! mistake my phinebooty!My cousin reckons he wants it so he can say to deciever:yes, im nailing her! I think she is right.

When I got home, i rang deceiver. I told myself it was to see how he is, but i'm sure he would have asked what im up to in which case i would have said i'd just left geezer in Portobello.Drive him round the bend for a bit:p. He wasnt there, left a short message saying hi, hope he is well, will talk some other time. I don't expect him to ring and i really don't give a damn. Went to bed early, round 9pm and was woken up by a couple of phone calls. So im gonna give him a coupla weeks and he should be ok. We've talked about this to no end. He has made some sharp observations though, particularly about me not being comfortable with compliments.Tapping into my deep dark recesses that geezer. Maybe im just suspicious. Maybe im just fucked up. But it was nice to see him as always

Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.Satchel Paige - I agree with this oone though i think women mind more than men

The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their right names. Chinese Proverb- interesting one. well i guessparts of the body for example,be straight and say what a vagina is. not fanny, not cunt, unless u are being dirty of course in a different scenario

Seeing is not always believing. Rod Serling - absolutely love this one. you don't have to believe something just because you've seen it

Too much of a good thing is wonderful. Mae West- I think that is. Wine is good but it can be bad for your liver, no?

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. George Bernard Shaw -and i thought we all loved quoting ourselves. love the drone of our own voices!!

We are living in an age of explanations, and plenty of 'em, too. No two things that's been done to us has been explained twice the same way by even the same man. Will Rogers - I should know all about explanations. I've had to be stopped from explaining over and over. oh dear

He talked with more Claret than clarity. Susan Ertz-ah, the wonders of wine

Think of the wonders uncorked by wine! Horace -I could mention a few but i think it would be inappropriate

peace

She is up to her tricks again! The cow. After a long day working hard, the last thing i needed was to find a silly little note left on the fridge from Her Royal Pain In the Ass today! The note read: Hi girls, i came by you weren't in(duh! of course we weren't we have to work our asres off to pay her rent dont we?). can you please clean the house, it's dirty and your new tenant will be joining you soon. I lost my phone so can you text me your numbers(no new number there so we are supposed to pull out her new digit from our arses i guess) or email at "bitchycow@hell".com ok, not her real email there but i couldnt resist.

1. If she actually bought us a vaccum cleaner instead of having us make do with stupid brushes that hell hole would be sparkling.

2. If im clean and my sheet are clean and my dishes are clean, she's got no business telling me what to do. what is she talking about? I could tell she went into my room coz she left the door open. Im soo angry.I can tell you now, there'll be murder and i won't be sorry! not in the least bit

I can understand a cow being silly or stupid. It's an animal. It's allowed. But when a woman does it, god help us all. She also hasn't been paying the TV license and so there is a letter saying someone is going to be interviewed under caution. I have a good mind to call up the license people and tell them what a crook she is and where they can find her! is it possible to report a person like that anonymously? It might mean living in the streets for a bit but at this point i really don't give a fuck!She is messing with the wrong girl and these days im in no mood to be trampled all over. She'll be sorry. That's for sure

I've sent my flatmate a text and told her we need to discuss the new development. she is a bit of a scatterbrain but seeing how she has randomly bitch-slapped people who got on her nerves, i think there is a chance for a great ending. Maybe a blue eye or two for the bitch!

I need my sleep. In MY "dirty" room. my choice. she must butt out. So if im not back here within three weeks, just know i might possibly be held in for murder, or i'll be in the morgue depending on how things go. she is big but im strong
later

im beat. six tsraight hrs of walking up and down Oxf street. never ever go for a bra fitting at La senza. My god! it's enough that i'd told the girl i had lost my boobs already but she went on and on giving me all these measurements, like im meant to know what they mean. we were both speaking english. I was talking to her, she was talking AT me. I told her i had to go somewhere and would return. i didn't. Im sure she was trying to be helpful but...

anyway, im a coupla cups down. I mean the evidence was staring her right in the face, well maybe closer to her belly button but hell. Then i tried buying trainers, did not have a size went up and down the fucking street. did not get my rouge lipstick. did not get a belt. did not manage my pit stop to anne summers.
im just knackered and wondering where my day went.

feet were swollen yesterday had to elevate thenm as i slept last night. No disturbing text from slave-boy today.

duno what i'll have for dinner. cooked for roommate and i last night and we polished off a bottle. god we were soo drunk.. ok just a little tipsy.
gotta dash, more later

1.I think im going to be fired from my weekend job. it's not funny but im laughing. I was concerned this morning. im not anymore. was ver scatterbrained this morning and accidentally grinded something from a new piece of machinery. dear or dear. they can take my pitiful salary of course but what the fuck.

2. My slave is becoming a handful. Obssesive behaviour ain't good. Does he not understand the term "slave and what it denotes". He winged in a text about me ignoring him. This:"If your silence means i'm sailing in the abyss of conjecturing so let it be for i would crawl on hot coal for that moment you do acknowledge my existence at your feet,in reverence my Superior godess.xx"- is utter rubbish. what the fuck?? there he goes about my feet again!i didn't laugh at the time coz i was thinking about the problem at work, but i can sit back now and laugh!! Hello, the guy clearly needs me to define that he is a slave. end of.

3.Someone gave me germs, i have the sniffles. I am armed will all remedies for that. wish i had brandy or vodka although it would probably burn my stomach lining

4.Im dodging college tomorrow. what's new?

5.Im still beautiful and bootylicious.

Im out

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!
im considering jumping over london bridge.semi- seriously this time. that im writing about it does not mean im pleading for help. Im just saying. Of course i won't jump, but the consideration is there. I just wanna scream non-stop. I know what's causing this. or i think i do.It ain't pretty. shit!

Let me not into the marriage of true mainds admit impediments...
Love is not love which alters when it alterations finds, or bends with the remover to remove...

Used to love those lines from that sonnet. they resonate somewhere deep within me.

Was also thinking about the "Woman of Bath", and "my mistress eyes". What has suddenly triggered all these memories about English lit classes? Im damed if i know

im stupid. im clever. im gullible. im sensible.I'm crazy.im naiive.im wise.i'm strong. I'm weak. I AM HURTING. IT'll pass

today. at the airport. we were seeing off the same friend. nice girl. turns out she is being stalked by a female colleague at her work place and finds it rather off-putting to her lesbian side...to use her words. Obviously my bi-dar or gaydar is crap otherwise i would have realised:p but we chatted like old friends and laughed a lot. when our friend had boarded she took me to the tube and asked for my number.

She is attractive. looks like it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. My other friend says as much as she could accept me being gay, imagining me feeling up a girl at that gay club i went to makes her feel uncomfortable. well she is as good as married and on her way to having a second baby. good for her. i will cop a feel if i can/want

got lots of stuff from friend who left. didnt cry, i dont understand people who howl at airports like they will never ever see others again. My flatmate was disapproving when i said i wont cry. like if i dont bawl my eyes out then i dont care about the person. she is a nutter that girl!

does anyone have a formula for growing boobs without gaining weight in all the wrong areas? i need help fas!!t

Something told me to go to Dotty Perkins. I just knew i'd find what i was looking for even if it was all in my mind. Perhaps I am psychic after all. This was after my devoted slave sent a text to wish me a fabulous bank holiday (i thought people just slept in on a bank holiday, but i appreciated the sentiment). So i sent a text saying i needed to do shopping but i was feeling lazy.(i was woken up by a phone call from a girl friend at 5:30am and we got cut off right after i sleepily told her im looking for a girlfriend after enquiring about her man situation . Slave-boy immediately said"prepare your list princess,it would be an honour for me to run the errand". Bless him. that's exactly how a slave should be: proactive yet subservient and devoted i told him it was shopping for clothes he couldnt help much could he except look at me and salivate?

Back to Dorothy perkins: I went there on Oxford street, looked at a few items. I was looking for a dress or nice tops and whoaa, i suddenly saw these little black numbers! I felt adrenaline pump thru my system. There was another mauve dress but the lenght didn't seem right even on the rail. I took it anyway and a black number which i thought was a size too big. Tried the mauve. Too long you know my issues with dresses that are half way down a leg. as far as im concerned it should be above the knees or right at the knees.
So mauve was no good. I tossed it aside and tried the black.

sweet lord, you should've seen it hug my flat stomach as it skimmed its way down my curves and rested just above my knees!Have you ever seen an item that whispered, purred sexily, cajoled and finally screamed "TAKE ME NOW!!" at you? this sexy little dress screamed at me in the changing room and I could only manage to hiss an orgasmic "Yessss!".:D problem: it was a size10. It fitted okay in the body except at the boobs. Now that I seem to have a couple of grapes in place of grapefruit(s) for breast, that was always going to be a challenge.

I got out and looked for a size8. Nowhere to be found. I absent-mindedly looked at other clothes and then shoes whilst praying and hoping against hope. Persistence pays I tell ya nestled in the wrong section i found a size8 of the same dress. I took both sizes back into the changing rooms. In the room opposite I could hear a couple of girls screaming at their children to behave. I guess one was about to smack the child because I heard the child scream"DON'T SMACK! JUST DONT SMACK!". i smiled to myself.

That didnt last long though because a few seconds later, while standing in nothing but my thong the very same toddlers(a boy and a girl) brazenly walked into my cubicle. Can you belive it I just stood there and stared back. they left. the mother admonished them again. 5mins later the little boy(can't have been more than 3yrs) idled back into my cubicle He needed a smack then, but maybe he liked what he saw. The Met had better keep an eye on that one

I tried the two dress for more than 30mins trying to decide which one to take. A second opinion would have helped. The 10 felt comfortable but the boob area(where it's meant to hug them ) seemed too big. it was. the 8 was marginally tighter but looked better for holding my grapes suddenly i felt my passion dissipate and so took the 8. Im foolish coz I would have got a 15% discount with a student card. I tried it on again a little while ago at home and it looks grand:p. All i need is a pair of sandals and a rouge lipstick and i'll be well on my way. Never mustered enough energy after that to go to lily whites. Instead i nipped into Mcdonalds(i know, i know Zara had a nice top i wanted, but small was a tad too big. i had to leave it. Damn! H&M: chaos reigned supreme there. Gap was just a gaping hole Ravel, faith and Shuh looked promising but nothing made my blood rush and that meant getting a breather and maybe going back at a later date.But what fun I had, all by my lonesome self. I like shopping alone, that whole group thing or dragging your man along just doesnt work for me. I'll have to post a pic and get an opinion from y'all:p
Oh,I shall take no responsibility for men dicthing their dates when i enter a restaurant in that dress. absolutely not. I already have accesories in mind. soo happy but foolish

I haven't paid my rent, don't wanna know what my bank balance is. Landbitch wont be happy that should teach her for not responding to out texts and phone messages on emergencies to do with her crappy crib! i'll pay it when im ready later in the week

Im skipping college to take a friend to the airport tomorrow. did laundry which i should've got my slave to do. really gotta start making use of him

Dinner tonight: girlled salmon steak, mixed vegetables-peas, carrots,broccoli, cauliflower, roasted pumpkin. 2 glasses of red. Im back on the wagon i guess