Some inspirational stuff:
We hear so many times from different sources we are spiritual beings having a human experience, but do we make our “spirit reality” part of every experience or are we only having an ego experience?

Acknowledging another as spirit is saying we are equal and we are the same.( when I look past your colour,past your age, past your body, past your conditioning- you and I are the same essence of the Greater Spirit) Therefore I treat you with respect as the Great Spirit. Therefore I will not allow you to treat me less than the great spirit either, but I shall not judge you when you do, only remind you of the truth of both of us: we are spirit.

1. lipstick. down from £7 to £2. okay, From £6.99 to £1.99. I'm very sensitive so i need the vaseline for when my lips peel. it doesnt matter what a lipstick has. it can be the most expensive but my lips always dry up from those things. of course it looks luscious for a time but it's not worth the sacrifice

2. Facial cleanser with miniscule grains to exfoliate.£3
3. vaseline with aloe vera. 99p good for dehydrated looking lips like mine at the moment.

4. dental floss.£1.49. supposedly coated with mint and something else that may reduces bacteria. not definite then but since i'm finicky about my oral hygiene and i seem to be seeing things that arent there even though i religiously see my dentist 4 times a year(ive gone for six months now), even though he cut my front teeth in a very traumatic episode. mouthful i know. there you go.

what did i have for lunch: tuna and spring onion baguette. and a cup of tea. I was gonna go to KFC since im eating crap these days but thankfully they seemed to be refurbishing. the place looked a mess.A sign that i must have something healthier and cheaper.

I just nipped out to go buy a bottle of coke. It wasn't cold enough so i bought flavoured water instead and a kit kat. im back on chocolate, which i dont particularly like. That's a bad sign. i won'e even go into the weight thing. let's just say, i have stopped looking in the mirror.

I read that Kate moss is worried about her forgetfulness and went to see a Dr in Harley street. Hell, im worried about my own forgetfulness. Went to a cafe, surfed the net, printed some papers and left without paying! I went back half-way down the street and paid. I think he charged me double just to punish me he was grateful i returned though. Got on the tube today, proceeded to get of in paddington preparing to take my route to work. I remebered as I went towards the Hammersmith and city that i needed the central line for college. Bummer!

My lunch today: i took a seat, started to eat and forgot i hadn't given the guy money. It's ok, they know me, but it worries me that im absent minded. who forgets they arent going to work on a particular day? and Kate MOss thinks she's got a problem? get real i have never sniffed up the stuff that has chewed up her brain so i wonder why.

I have been typing on milk boy's laptop and some girl, after 4 continous hrs of typing tells me my typing is distracting(i would have left it there except she added" that is why we have computer rooms" ) How condescending!! The reason i'm on the laptop...sorry using the laptop is because it has a different program to Word and i dont know how to convert to the other one and cant be bothered locating the IT guy. besides I liked sitting there. she found me there. So she said she wasnt' being funny. I almost said" you cant be, nobody is laughing" so i cut her short again and told her i am leaving. Perhaps i was a bit rude but i dont have time for that. seeing how emotionally out of balance i am these days i dont need to be told off by someone who could have said please and thank you to me. I dont care, i have left, have stopped writing assignment and i'm blogging instead. Guaranteed a zero

I have a hospital appointment tomorrow. saw the little card a couple of days ago. I hope they will detect nothing sinister and if they do, oh well c'est la vie. Shit, they're gonna get me on the scale aren't they? hospital scales are sooo decieving i wont look at the readings...i promise...NOT!

Cooked for milk boy, pregnant visitor and other flatmate on friday before dashing off to carnival(another story). made my own special recipe of thai chicken curry. The pregnant girl thought it was too hot. Milkboy (obviously) said it was delicious. how could he not? he wants us to share a bottle of wine in his room on his bed. I laughed at the idea. but he is getting more and more persistent. oh dear

That, is a serious saga unfolding. will keep u posted. Im now going to find the IT guy and try to get back in the mood. im almost done anyway but she definitely destroyed my rhythm.
i still have letters of complaints to draft:p aaah, finally something to smile about. I shall be spewing vitriolic bile to an author(therefore will check my spelling and use thesaurus if i must though i dont need to), a certain lecturer, and a certain dean of department or whatever they call them.

That will definitely be fun. I feel better already
cheerio

The grey, wet and dreary London weather only serves to worsen my emotional malaise. Perhaps it's an exaggeration. I did not mind too much this morning when it snowed and i got wet(the snow never holds), or when it rained as i walked down putney heath all the way to the station. Somehow it seemed like a cleansing rite.I just hope i don't get a cold, but how could I when my doctor rang me to come and get vaccinanted? something strange really since flu vaccines are usually reserved for the elderly and infirm. Perhaps they could see right through my soul.

I keep going back into myself, digesting my past actions, thinking about the future and the purpose that serves is to make me more confused, more unbalanced. My drum is beating erratically, and as experimental as i am, this sound is definitely discordant. Some semblence of order is required. Major decisions need to be made. Where will it all end? Invisible Jesus knows!

It's not all doom and gloom however. Milk boy reckons i owe him a kiss even though his stupid laptop has lost all my work. or i just cant find it, being techo ignorant he has leaned in a couple of times unexpectedly but i have managed to evade those poised lips every time I have been feeding him...food that is, because he cant afford to shop at the moment. It's something positive to do. Like my aunt used to say:freely you give and freely u receive. I thought she was bonkers. Maybe not.Also, being generous can surely bring positive karma in the future?I hope so...

I might go to some huge brazilian carnival thing tomorrow with that friend who betrayed me(and i forgave her although i havent forgotten). No point in holding grudges. No point in being morose and sombre even though the repercussions of some past actions can continue to sting like a scorpion's tail. The poison manifests, but i'm trying hard to purge. I must be on the right track.

Deep breath. Exhale. That's all I need. At least for a
while
Peace

The emotional see-saw has started again. Sometimes you wake up in a relatively good mood and then something hits you bang between the eyes. It doesnt have to be an object. It can be a word, an action, a situation, an interpretation or indeed misinterpretation.

For the emotionally fragile, that's all that's needed to tilt the scales and send youcrashing or leave you dangling with nothing to anchor you. I feel like my anchor has been hauled from under me and so i am a sea of emotions, swimming furiously so as not to drown. Yet i feel the bitter taste of death engulfing me as I drown nonetheless. I want to give up and give in to the so-called blissful, peaceful slumber but somehow i am not ready. Is one ever ready?

On the other hand I want to right the scale and feel the equilibrium. I want the derailemt to come to a screeching halt and have the train run smoothly again.There can only be so much a human machine can take before all the oils, the nooks and crannies and the joints get blasted to smithereens because they have been re-oiled and realigned so many times?

I know, balh, blah, blah i go on and on. Tha's what happens when you dip into the abyssmal well of emotions and explore. Superficiality has advantages. Honestly. I mean, you never have to scratch further than the surface. You therefore never have to itch,, scratch, have the scratched bit turn into a sore which in turn festers and becomes a huge emotional bubble. Exploding at the most inopportune moment. They say we have to strive to understand and know ourselves and all that nonsense.

Frankly im finding the lessons boring now, if i have to endure this emotional malaise on a day like this when i should be conquering Communication Science.

Lets hope it subsides before....

i have a huge fight on my hands and im going to win the war. lecturer told me i cant get extension for assignment. it's not their policy. they will give it back unmarked. Im writing it and she will mark it... the bitch!. The book we need for refrence is out of circulation! what education are we getting, pray tell?? from london University to the british library to the internet, the publisher, Oxford university press...Nothing. it's 10yrs old, there should surely be a second edition by now? anyway, im writing to the author to have a bitchfest, i thank the publishers for sending me an apologetic email today saying they can't find it, it hasnt even been orderd. Ammunition number one!

Im writitng to the dean to find out why a writer has compiled a study guide, basing assignments on his book, which one can only find on the moon it seems. also why they have redundant policies that do not look at individual cases and extenuating circumstances. Do they care about students at all?

To top it all off, I shall write to a certain newspaper, whose editor will cause a stink for the hierachy so they better all get their nappies ready because no ass will escape the fire when it hits the...you get me?

such arrogance i tell you. here i am, splitting my hairs trying to read silly info so i can compile pages of... (i cant find an appropirate word now) to get a silly mark so i can sit a silly exam whn i know the subject like the colour of my eyes, the shape of my teeth and the stiches on my arm! no not the back of my hand. nobody seriously knows the back of their hands.

so im waging a war friends, i dont intend to lose, if there is a death, i will be the one giving the eulogy at the funeral.they are seriously taking the piss and i aint the pot they're pissing in!

will update when all internal organs settle back to the regular rhythm

The little missy phoned from abroad! that's right, my former roommate rang me at work today. Unbelievable really since she has been gone almost a month. What was this about? She said she left something behind(duh! tiger balm, vaseline tub, laundry basket from £1 store, a teddy bear, flipflops that i have since thrown away and an iron)

I understood from the other girl that she had given her the iron. A sign of goodwill i suppose since they'd made peace a couple of days before. She haD ALSO GIVEN HER TWO OF MY PILLOWS(SHE WAS GOONA LEAVE HERS BEHIND AND I BOUGHT MORE ANYWAY), so i took it as a sign that she was recaliming her property. It didin't matter much. I tyold the other girl to keep them. So it came as a rather sharp annoyance to me to have someone ringing me from another continent to tell me she'd left her iron behind, an unbreall and gold flipflops. For the love of magdalena(dont ask why, why would anyone ring back to ask about an iron and frigging flipflops? When i mentioned that the other girl said she'd bestowed her the iron, she nearly blew an artery, told me that isnt true, she doesnt understand why the other girl would take it. I really have no time for this shit you know.

Anyway, I told her i couldnt talk for long so she said she's ring one of her friends here to come take the stuff. Are they seriously dispatching a pair of non-existent flip flops, a brollie and a laundry basket half way across the world? something has definitely snapped and it aint my nerves. I was sooo incensed afterward.

It didnt help that one of my colleagues was in tears just before we left work, because some asshole had gone into the staff room and nicked her wallet with £30 that someone had just paid her back and her bank cards and other important stuff. The piss-taker wasn't just happy with that. s/he/it deemd it necessary to go thru my little red ridinghood jacket(the one that makes me look 14yrs and nick my £5 that i was going to use to rpint info off the internet for my assignment. As it stands, everyone in our flat it flat broke. I didnt cry for the money although i should've. I really escaped unscathed compared to this poor girl. OOh the tears! it was awful

I hung around with her till the tears subsided, even stood in the rain while she had her ciggie to calm nerves i guess. and only then did i board the tube home. I counted all the peenies i had, a pitiful £2.50. Told the other girl about the phone call, she went into a rage, My blood boiled some more but then i remembered i have more improtant things to worry about. However, i have resolved to pack up all the crap she's left behind and give it all to whoever comes to pick it up. We think she is just being provocative but it wont work. I dont need or want any of her rubbish although i have beeen using her pencil. Is that what it comes to when people are dissatisfied and need to needle others. I wont take it.

I asked my lecturer for an extention. I am not holding my breath. i dont think i will get it. Does anyone have an idea of what i could do as plan B? Last time i had a letter from a psychologist( it was true though, i was going thru shit and couldnt cope, they thretened not to mark it but they did and gave me quite a high mark. ok not 100% but i wasnt complaining:p i need a miracle this time.

ohterwise the day was relatively ok, customers annoying as ever or as dese as ever. colleague"here is your earl grey tea". customer: is this earl grey? hello are we deaf or just plain stupid? ni have never understood why people repeat your words after you when u tell them something. It's not the same as trying toi make sure you have understood what someone means. tea is tea is tea man!

So now i gotta survive the week, wait for another missy to tell me they are coming to pick up a lundry basket. jeez, i will be a basket case by the end of it all

later

I found a mobile phone lying on a seat on a bus at noon today as ai was on my way to see a client. I picked it up, examined it, but was only able to look at the contact list. It was a sony ericcson and very old. I'm more used to nokia.

Anyway, i put it in my pocket and hoped the owner or someone would phone it. I had contemplated phoning one of the contacts but thought it might not be such a good idea.

When i got off the bus, i began to get paranoid, thinking it might actually be a bomb, in which case i would be blasted into a million little pieces, of four huges chnks of meat. I saw a post box and thought it might be an idea to dispose of it there. However i remembered more than a year ago when i lost my phone(on a bus seat as well) and the little devil who found it, or rather his cousin wanted sex in exchange for it. How dare he thinks a silly phone is worth my beautiful pussy! I told him to get lost and so lost the phone forever and it had cost me a packet(by my standards anyway):p

The phone from today rang eventually, some incoherent guy asking if i was someone from a mobile phone company. I told him no, i found the phone on a bus and im hoping it's owner will call(the guys name was in the contacts so it wasnt too bad). then he said the phone was actually his girlfriend's, she's just got a new contract blah,blah. When i asked what make it was, he said Nokia, i told him wrong answer.

he rang back, to say it's ericsson, the girl is getting nokia, he is the boyfriend and was quite panicky. said the girl would ring to give me all the details including the contact list. I felt a bit more convinced. She rang, we met in Richmond, they were so relived that they bought me a present on their way to meeting me. A box of chocoltaes and a jar of coffee. Italians and their coffee

It was such a nice gesture, i suppose it was unbelievable to tham that someone would keep their phone and want to return it, but i know what it feels like to lose one and im not a thief. Thank goodness it wasnt a bomb They brought the contract and i could macth numbers on the sim and stuff so it was all good in the end.So i was quite happy to do something good. and in case u are wondering i did not use their airtime at all and told them so. the guy jokingly asked if i hadnt phoned friends in new zealand then! we all laughed. He was cute by the way

And so ended a long day on a beautiful note, giving a couple hope and faith in humankind, and restoring my own faith in the goodness of people, and myself.

The R issue is sorted. it will be an entry another day. The assignment isnt. no entries there. Milk boy still drools after my ass. let him. Geezer just rang to invite me to dinner(that's his way of saying "i want to see you") and to wish me happy valentine's day. sweet geezer. I declined.

My beautiful luscious lower lip has a cold sore. an indication that all systems are falling apart. I have had a plateful, the crash will be welcome!
later

The assignment i wrote without a book in sight came back. I literally had to guess answers as this was multpile choice, having to remember stuff from previous courses and use a lot of common sense. I got 100% apparently. I mean i emailed the lecturer-ess to double check the mark and that's waht i got . very happy!! I maybe a twat in some areas of my life but atelast i am faring well in the world of academia. I may be speaking too soon of course as I have another one(essay type questions) which is due in five days now. Have done diddly squat so far but i feel the tension rising within me.

Milk boy at the flat didnt cook yesterday. i made chilli(from a can, garnished with some mixed veggies and lots of spices and we had that together. The other girl had left oves from Sunday night when she came in. She started teasing milk boy about girlfriends and valentines day. i havent told her that milk boy is relentlessly pursuing me. She is a bit odd sometimes and i dont want her making an issue of what i consider to be nothing.

Something interesting in the metro today: some guy in Russia had to have surgery because he pushed a pencil up his penis to keep it erect during sex! well the pencil took a life of its's own and decided to go off and explore his bladder it would seem. The guy had never heard of viagra before apparently. Poor sod I hope they gave him a year's supply.

peace

First the muthers called banks: yeah, it's my fault but i still think they are criminals out to bleed us dry of every drop of the red liquid flowing thru our tiny evens. Fucking hell! I live in a flat turned into whatever it it now. That fact has been established. I have been reluctant to change my address to this one as I really have to flee. For my own saftey and as well as survival. Milk boy wants me to be his girlfriend, he chases me around the house demanding hugs, i have to be careful with my low rise jeans which can expose my butt cleavage when i bend over.(another tale

the bank: my letters go to my previous address, which is safe and respecatble, i can go and collect them whenever and they always keep them for me. I have not been able to do that for the past month. my fault but should the credit card dept of my esteemed bank(can i mention it's name?) have slapped me with a £25 fine for not having paid the money in 3 days before i finally fetched my letters all exhausted? plus another £5 because my payment was late. Really, i have been using this card and where they'd udually just block it because i hadnt paid or whatever, they have not done so this time. I had been calling former landwimp(he was a fucking wimp and he knows it!) to check if i had letters from the bank and there were none. Ok, ive been skint but i basically had to pay a £30 penalty on a £100 bill. Actually im not sure it should even be that high because i bought two coats but returned the one to get a refund as I felt it was too tight. That was in December. The statement isnt detailed(another first) so im not sure what purchases im being charged for.

So i am definitely in the RED How im going to wipe this off and wiope my ass at the same time, only fuck knows.

Now, i agreed to meet R tomorrow so i can give him the "it's not u it's me speech) and i have just to my horror, realised it's valentine's day tomorrow. you should have heard him in his whiney voice(which tripled my feeling bad coz he is a nice person) saying he will keep tuesday open but i should just text and let him know for sure. He wants us to meet in liverpool street coz his house is nearby. Im worried now coz he might say "since you are skint I can cook us a lovely meal in my place blah, blah" i dont want this turning ugly. I hadnt realised it was the day of lovers tomorrow and since im a singleton i could really do without looking at him across candlelight. they say restaurants will be fully booked so i see him suggeting his place. FUck, Fuck. I am such a moron. well an idiot. IQ tests say 186. is that moronic? dont tell me if it is.

The bumcrack: Most of my jeans, in fact al of them are low rise. they fit my frame better. I was at the coffee place on saturday, i had to bend over for some reason, some guy on the other side of the counter was waiting for a coffee. Well the one girl nudged me and toleme the guy nearly had a heart attack coz a little bit got exposed and he didnt know where to look. AAh, typical english gentleman. blushing coz he saw something delicous that he shouldnt have seen in the first place now im wearing a dodgy belt that i got from primark with a different pair. not taking a chance. i would rather go beltless but it seems i need to gain a couple of pounds or buy differents jeans. aah well...

anyway, to you lovebirds out there, enjoy being sappy tomorrow, try something new and dont succumb to all the gimmicks and make sure you keep the fires(between you that is burning not just tomorrow.

Im off to lick my wounds with regards to cashflow.
later

Last night was a blast! My darlingest cosmic twin Ultraviolet and her love Dee came down to London and I got to meet them both. This is someone with whom Im on the same level. we read each others blog and sometimes it's almost as if we read each others minds or are in the same life with regards to all the goings on in our lives.

Anyway, i was doing the shit coffee job yesterday, I sent her a text to find out where to meet(hadnr been sure it would happen) so i dashed home, had a quick dip, changed and then went down to picadilly to meet them. I thought we could walk down to Leicester Sq and have a drink at a nice bar. This is where all the shit started. Grandma Phine(someone saying Grandma Princess just sounds WRONG!) with two lovely spring chickens. I couldnt get my bearings! i was looking at the statue of eros, Virgin store on the other side and lilly whites and then the trocadero. But i was stumped. I didnt know which way to go. (i'll blame it on making coffee the whole day!). So i asked a guy wearing a turban(it didnt have a rocket coming out of it and he wasnt sure.How fucking embarassing, I have just met two girls, im fucking supposed to know london since i live here and i couldnt walk them straight down trocadero to leicester sq.

Eventually we found our way,went to All Bar One(been there before, it's cool) and the hefty doorman immediately demanded ID from Dee.Well, she has only just turned 18 whereas me... anyway, he said it was for over 21yr olds(wanker!) . so i thought ok, let's find a pub or another place. Christ almighty, there we were, walking down charing cross road, some woman (french, thought Alex my twin) told us about some place on Denmark street. some dingy place it turned out to be. Oh dear!

so we kept walking, i really felt bad, because they'd been out the previous day and the whole of saturday(london eye and all sorts of attractions of the capital) so it cant have been good. I was wearing boots, coulda kicked myself coz id had trainers the whole day. Anyway, we started walking down towards Oxford street and we we were now looking around for any rermotely interesting place. the real pubs...well they were just that. dingy, smelly,smoky and full. well it was a saturday.

anyway, on some side street, we saw what appeared to be an interesting place. It was a pub but next to it was a great looking place. some kind of relaxation bar called Saaqi. People were being given massages, there were sofas and chairs, the atmosphere looked right and it wasnt full. BIngo! we'd found our niche. So we slithered in, No ID bullshit(which is how it should be ) and we said down. My twin and her better half proceeded to smoke(aah, what joy!) and we ordered some beers and satrted to chat). I was pretty much in stiches the whole time, i think i sounded garbled when i spoke(christ!) and i was trashed after just the first pint). then i was babbling(please forgive me girls but they were really enetertaining and i felt a little better about walking them half way round central london!

Later on we ordered some cakes, me and Dee chocolate fudge which was yummy:p and Alex a cheese cake which was simply divine. I had to go and scare the bar man demading them coz it was taking too long. I wondered if they were still being baked so we had those with ice-cream and then left. walked all the way down to picadilly but i could catch my tube from there so that was ok.

Meanwhile, milkboy who had told me he was gonna cook meatballs had sent a text to ask if i was still coming home as he was waiting for me. HUH??? I did not reply. I got home, nipped into the kicthen and gobbled a ball...meat ball I mean and ran upstairs to my room. I really was tipsy. Like i said:Grandma! well, havent been drining much except some sparking wine when i was with size9. MIlk boy then rang when i was about to drift to blissful slumber(had to be up at 5:20am for fuck's sake) to ask where i was. My reply was to the point:in bed, sleeping, goodnite. Still havent seen him.

So i had a great time meeting my twin and Dee, such a lovely couple, wacky characters too, Dee should definitely start a blog. she says she's got nothing to say but she's got plenty to say, if only she writes the way she speaks. marvellous!

Today, the bitchy woman, started her shit...again. I stand by my opinion that she is like that because of the country she comes from. I dont want justifications or explanations from anyone. that's what i think, thats my truth and im happy with it. However i managerd to kick her to the curb...well mentally. one of these days it will happen for real

Had a greed to meet R, cancelled. He's just rang to say, he lacks confidence, because iit's either my hair, or i have assignments or whatever and he really likes me and wants to see me and since i go past his place(well near) when i go to college) i really have no excuse. It's hard for him to work out whether im fucking him off or what(no pressure of course he said). I think he gave me an excellent opening. i said we can meet on tuesday and so im gonna give him a little speech. There are teething problems with size9 already. Maybe it was too good to be true but anyways, im gonna sort out R. I mean surely he knows, i feel bad when he stresses how much he likes me and wants to see me and makes me feel bad for having cancelled in the past. must i fail my degree because of him? must i not change my hairstyle over him? Hello???!! AS far as i know im not in a relationship!. So milkboy, geezer,R,nigerian stalker,hapless geezer,O(to metion a few), get that thru yer skulls!

Im getting me a woman, surely it's less hassle? OH, my twin, me and Dee had a discussion about kissing. we all agree, a bloke or girl gotta do it right man.

later

I decided to take a day off today and just sleep and rest. The best thing i have done for myself seems i dont have days off. im always in a rush, always on the go. I got interrupted a couple of times by phone calls. A concerned frined who has been ringing since sunday and another boy who has a friend looking for a place to stay. I cant help there. Last night with size9 was greatbut our parting was a bit hurried due to factors unrelated to our time together.

Anyway, i was in bed for most of the day, got up around 1300 to make myself some lunch which was a vegetable stir-fry, had some apple juice and them went back to bed to read the paper(since we dont have a lounge to do that in anymore )

I coulnt sleep much after that, i sort of laid back and relaxed and now im playing aorund on the computer, still yawning a bit even now, and it's back to the grind tomorrow. i wish i didnt have to work. will ring geezer's friend about the flat again, if she doesnt
respond again, i shall give up. no point in chasing ghosts

later

Ok, there were two separate incidents this morning.
First at stratford bus garage, about 10 screaming teenagers ran out of nowhere while people were waiting for buses. A few of them had flowers so im not sure if they came from boyfriends. I would say the ages ranged from about 13-15yrs! Never in my life have i heeard girls scream so loudly. Even when i was a teen (and i did get up so some mischief), i never tried to perforate people's eardrums by screaming so loudly. It was totally annoying. You could see old people looking aorund nvervous. I bet the screams were fucking up their hearing aids

I was just glad to get on the bus and get some peace. Hell, nobody needs that in the morning. Was latefor college coz I had to go to the agency first otherwise i wouldnt get paid. I was too tired on friday since i had lost my belongings on the tube and had to get up early on saturday. I got to college, coudlnt use the computer, didnt have all the books coz i didnt need them for my pruposes. the woman apologised so i just fucked off. waste of my morning really. I had thought of skipping it completely this morning. must listen to my instincts next time.

SO as i was going back into central, i got onto the bakerloo at Oxford circus and suddendly this very short guy(i think he would be classed as a midget or the politically correct term for that these days), he was walking around the carriage. He looked really suspicious. he kind of kicked me, but i dont think it was on purpose and he had really large eyes, with a huge coat on which naturally swallowed him

He was looking into the next carriage and i was hoping he wouldnt open the connecting doors whilst the train was moving. he looked like he wanted to. As soon as it stopped at Regents park, he hopped off and hopped on to the next carriage he'd been eying. i wondered if he was looking for someone. You could see everyone wanting to steal a glance at him but being too polite to stare at someone...like him

I looked, he glared back and so i closed my eyes. I wondered if he would punch me and how it would feel
When we got to Baker street, he got off again, came back into my carriage, looked around suspiciously and just managed to jump off without the doors crushing him as they closed. I think he finally left the station. Very bizarre behaviour indeed but it was intirguing as well, i wanted to know more about what he was doing or searching for.

I think im gonna have a little nap now, thought id work on my assignment but im feeling really hungry. A baba this morning hasnt exactly helped and my day was shot to hell at college.

The new boy in the flat is apparently feeling hurt coz the other girl told him to stop flirting with us, he is overstepping his mark. I wasnt there. she says he said he had standards to mantain and we fir those standards and he aint willing to lower them. whatever, i wasnt there. She is contemplating dating her ex-friend's(the girl who left) ex-boyfriend. she asked me what i thought. i said my rule is not to date friends exes. i mean honestly. How would she feel if that girl dated her now ex boyfriend? the pain is still rather fresh on her mind, as is the other girl's over this boy. Playing with fire, that's what she is doing. he is having a laugh, thinkinbg i will fuck them both. he wasnt too nice to the other girl because she loved him ttoo much and showed it and he used that which is really nasty. This one thinks she can handle him but i dont think so. So i shall watch the hearts as they break all over the place.

Mine is still safe in the cage at the moment.
Later

Ok, old geezer says a friend of his(i think they tried to date or maybe shagged before i was even born!) wants to rent her flat in a swanky part of nottinghill. He reckons I could get it for a bargain. I wasnt convinced. He called her up, she was out with husband or whoever, i was supposed to ring yesterday morning, managed to in the afternoon. she wwasnt there. rang again today and left a message. Busy nottinghill people It's two bedroomed, it has a living room and apparently it's great.I was a bit reluctant to call, i usually freeze a bit when i have to make a split second choice, but it's worth a try. she'd got a tenant who turned out not to be what she was looking for and basically she needs someone to look after the flat while she goes abroad. Well, possibilities and some hope i guess. crossing fingers.

R sent a text to ask if i would meet him after work yesterday. So we met outside southwark cathedral. He's lost some weight! says he's been going to gym since he'd piled on the punds around x-mas time. we had some wine at some secluded wine wine cellar. i mean the place is just wine,wine,wine and a few stools to sit on. then we went to the dungeons(london brige) and emerged at some funky french restaurant. we both wanted to nibble on someting and seeing how he likes expensive tastes..

the nibbles were a let down. abslolutely horrible. I mean i couls read the stuff in french and they had the english version but it was just ugly and bland. So he decided we wouldnt order dessert, which was fine. he'd asked about my time limit and i told him he could have me for a couple of hrs. It was nice though. He is a philosopher so we always discuss academic topics although we throw in a bit of miscellaneous. I had fun, he said he was glad he persisted, because at one point he wasnt sure if i was fucking him off or what. I guess that was my opportunity to say"well..". but he wasnt applying pressure and he pecked me at the tube staion(on the mouth) although when we met he did the chivalrous two-cheek kiss. that was fine, i wasnt exactly forthcoming but after a large glass of rose and having a bottle together i relaxed. He clained the cellar wine had more character(i said it was dry and not so enjoyable). the second which was a bit sweet and nice he thought...well he can be rather condescending to things but i set him straight. so that was fun and i dashed home to sleep.

The boy and the female at the flat were having dinner so i guess she has forgiven him. He sent me a text at night saying he doesnt like landbitch but he is glad to have met such a beautiful, intelligent,... woman thru her i said he gavce me too much credit. then he replied and said"i think i have a thing for you". I have my hands full there it seems.

Had dinner at geezer's on friday after he distracted me on the phone, making me jump out of the tube without my bag and belongings. I hope someone will hand them in. i filled out a form which has to be mailed to baker street. not telephone number for the place. i guess they'd get crank calls. Size 9 was optimistic i would get them back. anyway at geezer's i found hapless geeer. He was rendered speechless. Him and geezer were making commnets and they were really getting out of order. I have that effect on them

anyway,it was fun, didnt stay too long.

Meeting size9 tomorrow for a little tryst. should be fun
Also have started on my assignment which is fdue in a couple of weeks. need to tackle dissertation though.

Bitch at work was still bitchy but i handled her better today. she was bitchy to this sweet girl as well and i wanted to slap her. I didntstill need the fucking job.

does anyone think Shane from x-factors song sounds a bit like west life's song? catchy but a bit annoying.
gotta dash and make food unless milk boy has taken care of that
peace

That's the new flatmate. sorry, i mean the boy who has taken over our lounge. He has been so eager to impress that he constsntly pays us girls compliments and insists on cooking for us.And yes, i think he is gagging for it at the moment:p Last night we had rice and chicken a-la- something. well, chicken breasts with mushrooms and some kind of sauce and to top it all off he made a salad. How healthy:p he wouldnt even dish up and so i had to do it.

I have made it clear that i dont wanna play happy families all the time. He is such a flirt and now he goes around the flat with just a muscles vest. not that he doesnt have any, but he could do with more:b

He told me he was gonna step up going to gym after i saw him doing press ups. He said it was important to be strong because he will need to lift me up when we are married and doing fun activities well i ain't getting married but it's nice to be offered.

I saw him drinking milk and asked if he was a growing boy. Well, apparently Men's health magazine recommends that men drink milk(for whatever reason) and i imagine the reason or reasons were compelling enough to get him going.A man I have gone out with several times(size nine shoes if you remember) was on the phone with him as the boy was cooking and later on he sent a text saying the closets I should let "Milk drinker" to my knickers should be by asking him to do my laundry. Milk drinker isnt bad looking and he's got those juicy looking lips but he is a boy and i prefer men at the moment. Or atleast size9 is still ahead of the race so milk drinker will not be washing my knickers or getting close to them in any way.

Well he offered to take me to wales...or was it Northern Ireland in the summer. I didnt say No he has asked for a massage after the other girl sent him to me. What, do they think i'm easy?? they have another thing coming I wonder what tantalising delights await me tonight although to be honest i would rather boils spaghetti and splatter some sauce on it.

I read in the metro today that spanking is very good for ones health. it said having your bare bottom spanked released endorphins and the like. It was stuff on how sex cures colds, depression, slows ageing and all that jazz. So get some nookie in, if you cant get orgasmic pleasure by being spanked what is the world coming to I ask you!

I was running late for work today. didnt really care but a couple of women nearly reduced me to tears. THey need a thorough spanking as far as Im concerbned. WEll, the last woman, after her daughter's aggro behavour was quite pleasant in the end. the daughter even kissed me good bye, after offering me coffee and three sugra coated doughnuts. For heaven's sake i was on the sacle today and the 3kg i gained late last year still endures. I declined them and she went on a guilt trip, teling me how her mom wont eat them coz she diabetic. So should i now get diabetis?? I gobbled down two and that was my limit. Next week i might be on a hot date with Mr Size9 and f things progress well... i cant worry too much about the doughts. but i hate those things and will not accept them in the future, i dont know how ungrateful i might seem.

My hair is a mess and i have resorted to going around in a hat. It's a friend's fault(never trust a friend to fix your hair. they will fuck it up but hopefully i can get it dorted by the end of the week. no wonder disabled men are kidnapping me.

I have to admit, the Nigerian stalker has cooled off a bit, R is a bit pissed of with me. he whined that we hadnt seen each other in a month and we got cut off coz i was on the tube. WE arent girl-friend /boyfriend. we have gone out a few times and i have always declined going back to his. Needs lessons in Phinebooty's kissing class...

Will try an early night tonight. I woke up at 2am this morning dreaming of my mother and her sisters(these are all dead people). I could even hear voices and had to swicth the lights on coz i was soo scared. I must be going mental

well this too shall pass...i hope