The wife of Mrtin Luther king has died. She suffered a heart attack and a stroke a month ago. she died today aged 78yrs. I would put her in the same category as Rosa Parks. She may not have defied the white man by not giving up her seat, but she and her family went thru a lot to try and realise Mrtin Luther king's dream, which as afar as im concerned is far from realised. but then, a bit of it has come to reality so I wont be too negative.

Coretta was there from the beginning, she knew the dangers her husband's activities(and her won) posed to the family but having their civil liberties was more important. All people who have been involved in some kind of liberation struggle have always mentally been prepared to die, to have their families or friends die. They know that many would be sacrificed in the quest for freedom.

She was deprived of a husband, her children struggled to forge their own identity(esopecially the youngest daughter at university) because they had the albatross name"King" hanging around their neck. But they survived, Coretta continued to be brave and involved in the liberation of the minorities in America.

The struggle continues but I salute her for her grace and poise, her charm and intelligence, her humility and her big heart.Martin like most powerful men was no saint, but coretta endured. She had a dignity that is rare among people. Kind of like Rosa. I saw how everyone seemed to be fawining over Rosa and wanting to be associated with her when she got that award at the white house. I was cringing inside and i was glad for her serinity, poise and charm.

There is something to be said for all these women: Coretta Scott King, Rosa Parks, Albertina Sisulu, Adelaide Tambo, Winnie Mandela(barr some of her shenanigans),to mention but a few of women who witnessed horrendous things and had their families go through what most of us never would in a lifetime. they all posess that inner quaility that you are just born with.

I salute Coretta, I hope she has inspired a lot more people to continue campaigning for the emancipation of the opressed.

I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning on my way to the tube station, when i walked past 4 minibuses with diabled people. All kinds of disabilities from mental to physical. I hadn't quite gone past the second bus when one guy jumped out of the bus and started making noises to get my attention. So i stopped and looked at him and he held out his arm to me so i could guide him to wherever the rest of them were going. It was so bizzare because their attendants or carers were there wearing distinguished bright vests so i helped him along as i was talking on the phone.

I told my friend that i was being kidnapped by a guy and them one of the carers asked me if i was Cathrine. I imagine there is a cathrine there who works with them, but shouldnt they all know each other? Anyway, my friend laughed at the other end as i told him what was transpiring, they were all going into some day centre so i detoured and took this guy there. the whole time he was just grunting and making noises but it didnt seem like he was trying to talk to me, and as soon as we got thru the door he let go of my arm and just went thru.

A very interesting experience. But then I started thinking, their minders should be more vigilant because if this guy had been been a person to just follow whoever then i could have gone with him to the tube. Also had i been afraid(i think someone else might have been scared being pounced uopn like that) who knows how he might have reacted? But it all ended well, i just hope that cathrine was around and this woman finds out swho she is instead of having the people choosing cathrines randomly.

Perhaps he liked me and im just thinking too much:D anyway, it was a nice change from yesterday, where i had my phone off for most of the day and slept quite early coz i'd been so stressed.

I just recieved an email from a friend who says she is worried because i havent emailed her in a month and she thinks something is wrong because i always email her. I have assured her im fine( as far as fine goes in my little world).

a couple of weeks ago i was great, well i had worries but i could shove them back. Now i have to make sure everything doesnt overwhelm me to the point of being hospitalised. ive been there. not good.

I shall mend...slowly and that's good enough for the moment i guess

HOw does one manage anger? i have been angry, a lot in the past few days and i nowfeel like verything is going to explode inside. I also seem to be encountering problem with people of a certain nationality. people from that country seem to have some kind of unresolved issues. I can understand that seeing how their country was fucked up for so many years and Mandela and his cronies were banged up on some island for half their adult lives. But does that mean they should bring their baggaes to the UK?

I have shared flats with a lunatic who tried to mother me and make me overeat because tshe felt guilty eating all that shit she was gorging on. when i wouldnt paly her game she flipped out. To this day i never want to set eyes on that girl. such was the trauma. Another one was very cunning and she was a manipulative girl who would use anything and anyone to advance. Lying, sweet-talking and tthen getting the claws out.

Then there was a manager when i worked in liverpool street who was just nasty. I used to feel she hated me and then she would want to discuss politics of her country with me. Naturally im not gonna see everything her way and it would escalate into a 3hr discussion on a friday when we should be geting pissed and looking forward to a great weekend.

And now one of my managers on my saturday job seems to have some kind of attitude. Another girl,from Poland told me everyone feels she hates them. Not very friendly, she feels the need to assert her authority and with me since im nhew she second-guesses me everytime. I have only worked with her twice and i have almost been reduced to tears. aprticulalry yesterday. i deal with customers and then she will interfer, ask why are u doing this? are you sure he said this? stuff like that so i find i constantly have to be definding and explaining myself. sometimes she does things in a way that makes her look stupid. Example: one man orderd a corona beer. I went to the fridge to get it and as soon as it was onmy hand she punced and said"YOU SHOULD ASK HIM IF HE WANTS CORONA!" i said to her he does and i have it. she said" oh i meant lime". but that just meant i was in for a rougher ride. she never says please or thank you, well to me anyway. she barks orders"we need this" £fetch that" and it has been like that with a previous manager from there. is it upbringing, or arey they just generally rude?

I was almost reduced to tears yesterday. you know when someone asks if you are ok and then you wanna burst into tears coz u cant take the strain anymore? well, i held myself in check. no need to be reduced to tears by some bitch who has has delusions of grandeur or suffers from some complex. But it just makes me wonder about people and where they come from. there seems to be a certain pattern her. Granted it hasnt been myriads of encounters but certainly enough for me to wonder.

I feel very uptight and will disappearfor a few days. i feel ill and it shows so i have to go and reflect and plan a few murders

on a positive note: thr new boy at the flat is so eager to please us apparently he brought the other girl breakfast in bed the other day(i wasnt there) and now he is asking me for a massage. he better watch out, we arent playing that game. but he can cook and wants to cook for us he should chill out. we are having a meeting with landbitch tonight, the three of us. let her try and hide under a rock. I would sincerely hope a huge scorpion stings her humungous derriere!:P I know im being eveil but she deserves it.

later

That's what my life feels like at the moment. One long trains-smash except im just getting knocked about. It might be better if it was lights out completely.

Let me start with the upbeat stuff: I got a call from stalker boy today! talk about a little blast from the past. Stalker boy has just come back from a holiday abroad and was ringing me to get some advice on a friend of his. He asked if i knew who i was speaking to and i honestly didnt. so i told him "no, im not very good with voices". i put some enthusiasm into my voice when he identified himself but i made it clear i cant speak for long coz i was working.
He said he'd call later in the evening. Im still waiting.

2. I went to geezer's place yesterday. He was very excited to see me. He gave me a couple of pecks and i had to draw away when he wanted to turn them into something else. He said he had prepared a nice meal on tuesdfay(i couldnr make it for that) but we hsared some wine and had a chat. His friend asked if me if i loved him because he could see geezer loved me. Oh dear! I told him we loved one another:b

when there friend left, after acting all weird we talked about the hapless friend who invited me for christmas eve dinner and expected me to stay over and was subsequently devastated when i left. Geezer claims there is soemthing about me that makes them...well go a little cuckoo. well, it;s not on purpose and they will just have to get a grip. Oh, geezer invited me to see his bedroom. i mean i have known the man for two years I have been in his house many times so why yesterday? he says it's a long courtship and he felt he could let me into his space. Oh well, it was cool, i cleared my mind a little after a mad day of work where i forgot to go see one client and ended up having to comfort another yet again and getting a call from the office asking why i didnt see the other owman. I was straight and told them i forgot. they have been muddling up my routine and so what do they expect. So today i was running an hr and a half late for every appointment cos i had to squeeze the one from yesterday in and then the crier was having an assessment that she wanted me to attend. The male social worker was a right prick i thought. the female, more sympathetic and listened more. But i was dazzled by my client, the way she stood her ground and spoke up for herself was amazing. Like i said the guy was a prick. How can you tell someone with one arm, who has broken the other and depends on others to be washed and touched(she finds it embarrasing and difficult) that you know how they feel? and then proceed to tell them to come down when they got slightly emotional? I couldve bashed his silly head in, but my head is screwed on straight

Enough of that. so it was a long day but i survived it. I think im going to crash out of my degree. one stupid disseration, that's all i have to do. i hAve two months left and nothing to show for it. FUCK me to hell Im stupid and wasting money.

The flat:more drama wjhich i wont drag out. the landbitch rang the other girl and told her she wants to turn our living room into a bedroom for someone she wants to bring in. I have to call her tonight(the bitch) and find out what that's about. that is not in the agreement. The flatmate was distraught and a bit hysterical and she got me up at fucking 11:30pm. jesus christ is the no end tjo this mess? WEll i cant call the bitch coz i have 25P on my phone but we have agreed that we arent giving her money till she comes on money. she likes to drop these little bombshells. and we are actively looking for rooms elsehwre. more headaches. you know if i was a natural nomad from the african desert or some other place like that this would be wonderful. as it is, im being forced by humans who dont even deserve to be animals to live like...

anyway, i think im gonna go grey prematurely. Oh, poor R rang as well. christ wanting to meet tomorrow night. I made it tentative.Im promptly going to cancel. he has been sending encouraging texts, i have let him kow im skint(in case he wants to have a meal and expect me to pay half like i always do when he decided to order an austarlian wine that costs 20quid!) i mean what the fuck? it's only red wine.10 quid is my maximum at the moment.

so that's the shit im enduring.the girl who left went with my key to the airport, then sent a text to say she will give it to her friend who fuck knows where she lives to give back and so im back to square one.

like i said, a neverending train-smash. thank fuck im the only casualty

I just spoke to her on the phone. She is at the airport,late. I left the flat at 5:30 this morning so couldnt exatly say the tearful goodbye she is late, she is goona pay extra it would seem. I have wished a a safe journey and said i felt bad for not saying goodbye in person. That was a half trugh but it will suffice!

Oh, she took the key with her but she will give it to one of her friends to bring back. I did say to the other girl that she might leave with the key. Landbicth came in yesterday. She convinced the other girl to send my roommate the equivalent of a deposit to her abroad. So the way i see it, this girl will be owed two motnhs rent. i mean why should she pay this girl money. That women stood her ground and said she had money problems. She doesnt with the kind of work she does. Unless it's all a charade.

But that was a lesson for my roommate. Do not try to be clever and use peope. It's called Karma. it comes back and bites u in the ass 5 of us(including a couple of her friends), stayed up the whole night talking about boys, men, children, marriage and shit. Why do females always gravitate towards those conversations? i had to tell them to go since i needed my sleel but it was a fitful 4hrs.

And then, one manager had fucked up the rota at work we were understaffed and very busy but then she sauntered in late in the afternoon and acted like we had committed one of the cardinal sins(whatever those are). I was incensed!)we all were HO dare she!! no apologies, nothing, but what manager would stoop to that level?

anyway, the day is over, i got payed for the one week, it's ok for the moment. I am coming down with a cold, which is bizzare the surgery called me in for a flu jab a couple of months ago. i was suprised coz in mot in the geriatrics age group but perhaps they saw somthing there or they were jab-happy:p so maybe it's whats fucking me up.

Roomie. no, ex- roomie gave away the full length mirror, the laundry basket and a radio coz i wouldnt buy thenm from her. why should i buy a stupid mirror in the room.

well, so long, she wished me"all the best". why do people say that? i wish her all the best too. In all fairness i could have been stuck in some filthy place with differnt stress but this has been ok. But no more. for sure. I think i will have some wine today and cheer myself up.

I survived a couple of rough months so the storm is over.
Oh, geezer just called me a few mins ago to invite me for dinner. I havent seen him since before x-mas. I have missed his call 3 times this weekend. perhaps he is feeling randy. i promised to see him on Tuesday he said he is there is i want to whatever. so he definitely still wants to do me:p

Later

I got into one of my my moods yesterday. thiniking about my life, how im not getting anywhere, what i need to do, blah, blah,blah!

I promptly stepped into a nearby tesco. naah,actually i was coming from the library, so i specially made the trip, bought lambrini(i imagine it's the cheapest sparkling wine for broke beings like myself and then agonised over cheese cake. God I must have gone up and down that isle five times, standing and starring at the cheesecakes, (the rasperry variety or chocolate) for 10minutes at a go. Eventually I succumbed and bought it. I them tried to redeem myself by buying skimmed milk, which i have been drinking for the past two weeks anyway.

I got to the flat and cooked myself rice with chilli, some carrots,whate else, oh i think sweet potatoes and whatever else i could find. It was nice my little concoction and i chilled the lambrini while i ate.

Soon I was guzzling away my sorrows and bad mood. I ate the one slice of the cake but then decided fuck it, im having another one. i can always run up and down the stairs if i feel bad, which i didnt!

My roomamtes have made peace one of their mutual male friends came and forced them to talk and thrash out their issue. So they said hello yesterday in front of me and another girl who is visitng. But now, the other flatmates just called asking me if im going for another farewell do that my rommmate has invited her to. Well, i havent been invited, not that i give a shit, besides im working tomorrow. and now she is ringing her to decline coz she's gonna go out with her friends instead. well, it was a shortlived truce. i think she would have gone if i was but...oh god, never mind!

Ive been out buying stuff that i will actually be able to put around my room. YES my room on Sunday evening!! I used my credit card and warned the cashier that imn trying it out it might get declined. Imagine my delight when it said"card approved!" i was so pleased. i should have gone on a spree long ago, but then im sensible and i will need to be for the next couple of months while i battle rent on job-lesssness possibly.

Have a great weekend!

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9.Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.

13.Dictaphone(n) - a strategically placed vibrating mobile phone

14.Hypothetical - highly pathetic example!

my roommate just sent a text to ask me if i have the deposit money because the landbitch is still giving her the run around and she is getting panicky. Remember she whn i was paying and i said I could get the money on Monday(yesterday) only for her to call landbitch and say i can only get the money when i officaly move in which is next week. So i spoke to landbicth and asked if i couldnt give her the money a bit later. meaning around the 27th or 30th. she had no problem and if she had wanted me to give roommate the money she wouldve said something.

Roommate is getting aggro sand saying She thought we had a greed that i would get the money for her yesterday. Obviously she has a selective memory because it's her deal with that woman and i will not be guilted into giving her money. So i said to her at this point I dont trust what landbicth might say or demand from me when she is gone so i would rather put the money in the bank, get a receipt and also get a reciept from the bitch. That way, Bitch cant say to me i need to give her a ful fdeposit plus a full months rent on top of giving this girl a deposit because she cant find the Bitch!

If she hadnt been greedy, not wanting to pay the whole of this month's rent and making me and the other girl pay a lot more she wouldnt be in this shit. Besides, a deposit can serve as rent so really she shouldnt have paid this' months rent coz a deposit was sitting there already. But that would have meant demadning some money from me. actually not. she could have taken half the rent and then deposited on only person or rather two person's rent last month.

Now im bloody pissed off. I wanted to go home and have a nice nap because im so knackered today but that is not to be. I dont really want to see her and would rather be elsewhere than in that fucking flat. Of course she has conveniently forgotten that she wes me £15 which i have let slide for the moment. Obviously im being foolish in not demanding it but the bicthy missy can just bugger off as far as im concerned!!::

I soooo angry

It's certainly been a bit crazy. i went to my roommates farewell party on Sunday, of course she hadnt invited the other roommate but i went anyway and the other girl understood why. It's really shit having be nice to two people because you cant afford to isolate either one of them. At the do, she gave me the last piece of chicken. she was a good host and there was white wine to go around although i much prefer red.the DJs played some great music and I danced a lot. didnt get too carried away though. I had a few men pestering me and one of them, who is really a midget almost kidnapped me at the end of the night and i ended up crying. Basically he offered to take me and my roommate home, i told him to ask her since he is her friend, he came back and said she was cool with a lift and she confirmed it a few minutes later so imagine my horror when i got the car and she turned around and said she was going with her other freind. but then she was asking her driver, who is her ex if they would take me home(by then i was slinking towards the door) and the guy just shrugged and i was out of there. as i was walking towards the tube another guy(relatively sane..ok sane) asked me f i was ok. hed offered a lift and i had refused, and then i just burst into tears as i regaled the betrayal by the roommate.

Anyway, it turned out the boy had never asked her and since she was very drunk anyway she couldnt remember confirming wth me. she said she felt bad and i thought"whatever, but that kind of put a damper on my day yesterday. I had a really hot date that has has sort of been simmering over the phone but when we eventually met i was a bit down.

It all went well eventually after i had off-loaded and all i can say is that size 9 shoes= 9inches.

Im abit tired today coz i havent had decent sleep since friday night. the pissed me off at the new job and i wont even be getting into now but i will need a proper holiday pretty soon.

Oh, i met the landlady as well on sunday and all that shit about me having to give my roommate a deposit is shit. she can sort it out i said to her. i think we have an understanding at the moment

later

I must have because what transpired 30mins agao indicates that someone thinks im a nincompooop. An ididot. a moron. stupid. imbecile. you can add any other synonym you know. It all comes back to the same thing.

I Had a bitch of a day with work today. Shit im getting back into the"i hate people"mode. But when people lie to each other behind your back and try and make u the culprit, it really rankles. That is besides the point but i will touch on it a bit. A woman i work for has had APs changed a couple of times now. the last time the agency told me one thing and her another. she was pissed off with me. today the same thing happened so i called them in front of her to get to the bottom of it. They deny what she says they said and i cant be bothered. i told them to sort my shit out coz im getting upset coz someone is messing with my head.

Right. what really pissed me off 30mins ago was my roommate caling me whilst im on the tube and telling me the landlady says she has financial problems and so cant give her deposit back. WHAT??? So then she said the woman said she doesnt have a problem with me moving in(was she supposed to?) and so could i give her the deposit. and she had the gall to ask me when i would pay the deposit. She knows damn well that im paying the money when i officiallymove in, that i have to borrow the stinking money coz she lied to me. Shit, i have spiralled into even more debt since moving inot that place and have not had the peace of mind i so craved. However im a survivor and have done so far. I told her the earliest i could get the money was MOnday, which isnt true, well perhaps it could be if i moved my ass and asked my friend for a loan. the leaves on Sunday, and her i was thinking she departs on Thursday. SHIT!!!

Im Broke, Broke,Broke! i wont even check my bank baance because i just feel my heart palpitations returning. Anyway, i cant give her the money. she calims she is broke, she comes back with a new item from River Island, H&M,Clarkes,Monsoon,whatever daily. how can she not be broke? Is is my responsibility to rescue a loony landlord and a dody roommate? Like I said, do i have moron written on my forehead?

To make matters worse, the other flatmates says she owes her£10. that's from the rent we had to pay. my roomie claims when she counted the money it was right, however the other girl told me a long time ago that she gave her £10 extra and is still waiting for change. Im not getting involved. I took responsibility and topped up electricity yesterday even though i wasnt sure whose turn it was to buy it. well there is no talking in that bizzare flat. I told her, she said it was her turen and she will refund me.

Bottom line: im not giving her a fucking deposit. she has said she will speak to the landlady so she can sort something out. I am really apprehensive now, what if she tells me i cant move in coz she has found someone with a ready deposit? Oh, dear i feel my anxiety coming back. What a bitch of a time. And all this when i thought things were going well. I think i should quit life now. I cant hack the struggle

My rommate is having her going away party on Sunday. She told me yesterday and also said she would love for me to be there. I don't know if she has told the other giril. I have been reluctant to bring it up because i feel they should really bury the hatchet before she leaves. The whole thing is debilitating to both of them. I am working on Sunday but since she said it starts at 6pm im sure i will make it, tired as I will be. My hair is a mess and need to get something done to it so i dont know.

Apparently there is a cool club near russel square where they go all the time and where the other girl's boyfriend sometimes DJs. I'll be going for the very first time. somehow i think missing this party will be the death of me:p.

I watched celebrity Big brother yesterday. Poor Jodie Marsh...sooo misunderstood...not. She should stay from controversial subjects to be honest or have well-thoughtout arguments. sad but eho gives a fuck. The bottom line is these people are humsn inspite of their weird craving for celebrity. Like that girl who did not know what "a gynaecologist" is! That was a bit scary, this is a 23 yr old(failed page3 girl) who presumably has been bonking for a good few years, who presumably might have had thrush and possibly ...hopefully uses contraceptives, who presumably has been ivited by her GP to come for a pap smear. SHOULD SHE FUCKING NOT KNOW WHAT A GYNAE IS? I can understand not knwoing the full word but really dont we learn that in biology? A woman in some remote village in Africa or somewhere in the amazon or indeed in China i can forgive. But not a young woman in England. I hope to god hse hasnt had STIs and whatever else that she needed to get checked out but didnt coz she didnt know what a gynae is.

Im not judging her, im just saying it's weird that in western society today, a young woman does not know about that.

enough preaching.My exercise regime is going well. I mean runing up the stairs and cutting out sugar from food and not frying anything. I have been putting chillies in my food as i like hot food, but also because they speed up metabolism. still not drinking enough water but im trying hard. Not sure there is a massive difference at this point, but i wasnt panting as much yesterday so i must be doing something right.

The boobs are still fully engorged to my delight:p:D, I suppose then i havent really lost much weight so i wil enjoy them for as long as possible. I know it's vain but i stand in front of the full lenghth mirror, but on my bra and just smile. sometimes im even brave enought to turn around and look at the butt. whatever i am coping ok mentally
Im checking out underwear today and hope there are still bargains left on nice stuff. Any tips ladies? or gents?

later

Kissing is an an art, a learned skill that we should constantly be tryihg to perfect. I dare anyone who differs to comment. Why am I writing about this? well I have had a couple of experiences with R which have made me think about this little past time.

Personally, I just enjoy kissing not as a prelude to something more or something else, but just for the pure enjoyment of it. Of course it helps if you and whoever you are locking lips with are more or less on the same page. They say you kiss the way you like to be kissed but also,you learn from someone. having done it from whatever age does not mean you are an expert. and just because your previous kissers or kissees did not object or complain does not mean you are great. It differs from one person to the next but there definitely should be a degree of enthusiasm and the right amount of tension involved to get a good one.

1. Fresh breath, if u are both manky and are not aware of it, fair enough but for fuck's sake, freshen up!

2. Do not dive in with your tongue like you are searching around for lost fish in a river. God knows why people assault like that. there should be a jail sentence for things like that honestly

3. Now, if you're gonna plant your lips on top of mine and leave them there what do u exopect me to do? Hello! are we engaging in a liplock or are you trying to discard your own lips? Nothing is as off-putting as someone just being there and not doing anything, or they thrust their tongue(there we go again) in your mouth and leave it there like a dead snail. yuck! keep your damn tongue in your own mouth or pleasure me properly with it.

4.Your hands going everywhere. I mean, you are touching my bum, u are touching my boobs, you are pulling my hair.your hands are flailing around. what the fuck? Again, jail sentence for this one. whatever happened to sensualitly? huh huh?!

Now whatever happened to good old slow kissing? i mean short little gentle kisses and then letting the passion build up from there? Nobody is perfect ofcourse. Im not saying i am, but dammit i want to enjoy the activity and would hope it's a mutual thing between me and whoever im doing it with. I think it's true what they say about dancing and kissing. If he cant dance, well...how can u expect him to perform the oldest dance since mankind? naturally, like with most things there are exceptions here.However, If he doesnt take good care of himself, dental hygiene and all that, how can he expect to even come close to you?

I remember dating this guy in Seattle. He wasnt bad because i could command him to do what i wanted and he was always willing to improve and experiment. However, i went away for a few days, we met for lunch and as we sat at a table waiting for our food, i felt an urge to kiss him. A sort of slighttly parted lips peck that says "hello i have missed you/there is more coming later..."jesus, as i leaned towards him he came closer(he had nice lips) and then just stuck his tongue out! well i leaned back immediately and he was left there with his tongue hanging out. For fuck's sake what was he thinking?

I once told a boy to kiss me like he would kiss him grandma or his mother and that was perfect. he behaved, he wasnt all over me. I just wanted that peck and got it, but do i really have to drag mothers and grandmothers into the mix for people to understand? it beggars belief

Nibble, lick, suck, touch,hard, gently and enjoy. It ain't exactly rocket science but i wont take any less than what i feel i deserve.

Im out

I survived my first day at the coffee place. I am not working with my friend which is great because she is like a drill seargent. i will have a problem geting there tomorrow morning though coz the tubes start running at 7:15, the time i should be there.

Im starving right now though, only had a sandwhich on a 20min break. Im sure that is against the law but what can i do? I go there at 6:45, the alarm was going and the was a girl there who said she had opened and ulocked door(why would they do that) and that triggered off the alarm. the person who has the key is always late apparently(thanks for letting me know bastards! ) so all we could do was wait. the rest of them(whose names i cant remember at the moment) trickled in slowly. eventually we started setting up and got on with things. I made a few blunders but they weren't that big and actually at the end of my shift the manager who also happens to co-own the place told me i did very well and he is proud of me. and to think the girl who recommended me sent a text to say i should have another trial because i will be working with the owner? like he is some ogre and i need to shiver in my...tariners(still searching for those elusive boots

I declined a possible date with R on wednesday(primarily because he wanted to cook for me and also said he cooks great breakfast), he pressed me for sunday, i said monday. i dont want to go to his place. I think my mind is made up, I really gave him a chance. i know i kinda see him differntly after a couple of glasses of strong wine but he does have that belly and it's a bit of a turn off. perhaps i would overlook that if the guy could kiss. I mean what is so difficult about that? so doing the fish pucker thing dont work for me. Twice now and im like...hello, are we going anywhere??!! I just dont know how to fuck him off without hurting him, fuck him off in terms oof saying"lets just be friends" coz i'd hate that if it was said to me. it has been once actually and it's like a blow, but that was too invloved. we've only shared a couple of forgetabble kisses(on my part).Help me!!! please. i like him as a person and enjoy his company, so perhaps he is persisting coz i seem elusive?

anywa, enough about him. Roommate has been really nice. we had a late night chat the other day and watched telly together. that celebrity big brother. God, they said Dennis Rodman brought in extra large condoms. well is is thin and very tall with very large feet so.... i wouldnt want to be the one to see what those condoms wrap up. But i think him and Jodie Marsh could get it on!!

Right, im gonna fuck off and go make myself something to eat. I have been on a strict diet of boiled veggies, skimmed milk, fruit lots of juices and water. i fell of the wagon yesterday coz a friend bought me a massive pizza which we shared, plus fries plus a salad. i will not be making that mistake again. And i have been taking stairs instead of the lifts and running up the escalators which is really trying on my lungs but i shall persevere!
cheers

Well if it's a womanb, God I mean and she is stunningly beautiful and we are all shaped/built/ whatever in her image, then it stands to reason that females would recognise one another right? wrong!!

I went to south london today, i popped into a McD for the loo(I was about to burst and it;s dangerous to do that to your bladder), anyway, a woman came in, looked at me and asked me "if it was the ladies!!"

Well possibility number one is that she might have been confused by the picture of a skirted woman on the door as opposed to the guy in trousers on the door next door and wanted to double check.

Or, the picture was fine but she saw me and wondered if she made a mistake. Actually i think we were kinda similar looking so i will go for option one being the probability

And i am commending myself for keeping our dirty city clean. I could not for the love of whatever find a bin and so took a round trip with a can of coke, dozed off on the bus, still held on to it and eventually found a bin. i could've thrown it to the pavement.

One of my clients is stressing me big time, no actually the whole day was just stressful. is it a wonder women ask ohters if they are in the right toilet? and what woman doesnt fluch her stnking yellow piss??? I mean urine? Gosh it was horrendous, i had tto run out of that stall but the problem is you have tio look first everythime and see if..well see if you can lean down and relieve your baldder. I ceased sitting down a long time ago. Call it paranoia but if you had seen what i have seen in my life you would understand#

I need to get back to doing my dissertation. what a slacker i am? i have to remember i paid a lot and it will pay off in the long run

R wants to press me for a date on sunday. but he says"lunch onwards?" that scares me. i think its time we had the "talk". shit i dread those. I havent responded to the text today. aaarghhhh.

Im starving so am gonna run off and eat sprouts, carrots and soup. my dient. lets hope im in tip top shape soon!
later

im feeing melancholic today. I think it's my hair. I have it differently today and have been getting comments.

i did a stupid thing and go on a client's scale today. Why do poeple keep scales? and in the damn bathroom? chances are one will want to pee but if it's there and im in there, then fuck im gonna get on it.

PLEASE REMOVE SCALES FROM YOUR BATHROOMS!!

I do not like the reading. No, im not obsessed with weight.please dont think i am. just get the damn scale out!! my bloodpressure is rising. that cant be good. How can I get that nbice underwear that i have been eying having been on the damn scale?? u know what never mind

Otherwise, everything is just peachy!!
Peace

so far so good! i saw the new year, drank a little bit, flatmate came back from club in tears, she called put to me as I came out of the bathroom having been rudely interrupted by a phone call at 1:30am. she was sobbing her lungs out, because boyfriend made her feel like a fool in front of nemesis rommate! fuck when will this end??

So there i was, playing mother teresa, telling her she was right to stand up for herself(well she said people were giving her shi), fortunatly she didnt happy slap anyone. i asked, it brought out a smile. My duty was officially done at 3:30am. How could i go back to sleep after that?

i had coffee with R after work yesterday. oxford street was mad plus the tube strikes fucked everything. he was driving so i walked down embankment and met him. we went north, had coffee there. he took me home or as close to home as possible although we went round in circles fr so long. fucking roads! we kissed but i think he is a bit lacking in that department so...

slept quite late, roommates friend had come t visit. a bit immature but let me not bitch, its the new year had lunch/dinner at a friend's in the south east tday. free internet access so i have been surfing your blogs and stuff.

welcome to the new year. i feel quite positive even though the shit is about to hit the fan.

Oh in god spirit, i sent bimbo a new years messages wishing her all the best. the Bitch has responded by saying we should hook up, it's nice to hear from me blah, blahwell i did ask fr it didnt i? i havent responded. she can chase after me if she wants. then perhaps we can bury the hatchet. it will be in my best interest to do so!
cheers