1. did laundry at a friend's. poor thing, she didnt have to but she insisted since she knows my woes about non-existent washing machine.
2. friend pissed me off. I really dont see why i have to go down to waterloo to meet her everytime. i know she woerks in the area but i always get lost in the station. I would rather we met each other half way. she takes me for granted. I refused last time, she wants me to go tomorrow. I have a card for her and her husband so maybe i'll throw that across the table, wish her a merry christmas and fuck off that should teach her.

3. Im bunged up again. too much starchy food. I need beetroot fast. cant trust senokot. it gives me the runs...and wind

4. couldnt cook last night. Flat mate wqas cooking up a storm. I think he had a dinner date.I locked myself up the the cell you call my room and watched telly. i heard pots and pans clanking in the kitchen and loud male voices. I wonder if he got a shag. it all went rather quiet around 11:30pm. i think the dinner companion had gone but that party started long before the dinner, judging by the wine glasses in the sink when i first arrived. so maybe he got lucky before the dinner...working up an appetite.

I had to settle for an old pice of left over pizza, and some coke and yoghurt for dinner which i gobbled up quickly so i couls be out the way.

is anyone freezing as much as I am? i am meant to be out tonight but i think i'll just curl up in bed. I feel like my life is slowly wasting away, work,home, telly sleep and so on and so forth. but in this weather, i wont take a chance. I have gained half a stone. did i say that before? i wont diet until the next year. It's amazing what a couple of croissant each morning, or hot cross buns(this morning) or raspeberry and chocolate mufiins(this afternoon can do). and i bitch about being bunged up

I need my brocolli and spinach now!!!

Im just tiree. looking forward to christmas whre hopefully i can sleep undisturbed. i am not giving out or receving present. I have had the chocolates and other shit alread so that's enough for me.

ta-ra

It's been a rather gruelling week and a half. i cannot belive i have not been online in any capacity for more that a week. i was definitely starting to get wthdrawal symptoms. Most people seem to be losing their marbles, runnning around like headless chiockens, buying present that people do not want. i have already recieved a tin of very sugary and buttery scottish biscuits, as well as a huge tray of chocolates. fair enough, the person who bought the biscuits was just being practical, they know about my dicey existence. i had three this morning and felt full for quite a while.

As for the chocolates, i had a toffee last night. i might have to throw the rest away unless someone wants them. clearly they were very expensive but i can't devour them all. As things stand, i have already gained half a stone(3kg) for indulging in Mcdonalds burgers, going to a couple of xmas patries and just eating endlessly. stragenly enough i have not been drinking...well bar last night when i had a couple of glasses of wine.

Quick updatw on what's been happening: went to a party last weekend where i demolished a bottle of wine9i was drinking water in between so dont wag your fingers yet!) . The part was in north london, I stayed at my friend's place in canary waharf after being stranded for ages in liverpool street, with no buses or taxis forthcoming. by the time we got to her digs, it was 4:30am, i had to be at work at 7am. so i jumped in the shower, had a cuppa tea and slept for less than 1hr. There was a boy at the party who really thought he was gonna score with me. while walking us to the busstop, we all started chatting and being slightly tipsy i mentioned that i was wearing a thong which had "if i don't get my way everyone is going to suffer" across it. naturally he got really excited and wanted to see it. i had to fight him off. Two of the male friends we were with thought it was all innocent but i know a horny boy when i see one. he suggested that he had a shower i could use not too far from where we wear and i could wear his boxers(when i said something about not wearing the same knickers again). Fortunately the girlfriend and i made it onto the bus, I had to drag her on as she was concerned about the male friends. They were going back to the party. she wasn't even tipsy the bus driver was already moving on but i was vocal enough and he stopped:p So no more sleeping for one hour. at my age these things take a toll

The cassanova at work decided to flirt with me that very morning at work. I mean he has never been so blatant before and i went along with it. At the end of the day, he kissed the one girl on both cheeks goodbye. he then asked to kiss me as well and he planted hs smackers right by the corner of my lips. im sure that was deliberate. when i turned for the second cheek...oh well, let just say he stole a quick one. i really had to get away fast cozim sure the alcohol was still slightly in effect and we could have snogged properly. it was still fun. everyone said how happpy i was during the day. i told them i was on drugs and it was the manager who sold them to me. he didn't know how to respond to that(the manager).

This past weekend casanova was feeling sick. rather quite i think he was there just for one hour and went home. I sidled up to him and ran my hand up and down his back and told him i'll kiss it all better. He visibly perked up and even smiled slightly:p. The other girl said "you've got the right medication don't you?". I purred"i've always got the right remedies babe". pity he was ill. maybe not actually. he flies off to poland on xmas eve but it's been fun. His girl says she has called the whole thingg off. it never got off the ground actuallly which is sad.

I wasn't gonna join in the christmas madness. i actually think it all went out the window the year my father died. suddenly there were no decorations or presents under a tree and i think we never put up decorations again. We also buried my mother literally 3 days before christmas a couple of years ago so it's still a bit raw really. It's not bad so don't think i'm whingeing but it gets to me a bit and im trying to avoid stress. i was looking for a crad for a friend of a friend today who is a manic depressive and it was difficult to find a suitavle card. most individual ones are for couples/wives/mother/father and so on. eventually i found one which i hope is approrpiate and will lift her spirits.

Otherwise, all is well, i saw flatmate this morning after 10 days or so of not seeing him at all. Life is good

P.S. If i do not post before next year, have yourselves a peaceful christmas and best wishes for 2007. live life, leave the regrets from 2006 behind and look forward to a new tomorrow.

My 300th post. I cannot believe it has been just over a year and i have managed blog three hundred times. Ther were times when I sort of slumped and flet like i had nothing to blog about but i persevered. I think there are people who gave up when the novelty wore off, which would probably have been around 12 posts or so. Keeping up with friends, new friends and just blog in general is never easy so I am proud of myself.

I maged to get a nice set of underwear today. Fron TKMaxx. The bra gives me a very nice cleavage, it's black and red which is very suitable for that elusive tryst but at least I can say I am prepared should the opprotunity arise. I had to swap the kncikers with a pair from the "A" cup. I think it's weird how they always place the smalls with the A cups, the mediums with the Bs and Cs and so on. someone can have small boobs with a large derriere, no? Anyway i always swap the mediums for the smalls. I remember a long time ago, when i was still averse to thongs, a friend telling me i should always go for a smaller size no matter, or go a size dowm because your actual size will always be bigger. There is some truth to that. I have taken xs. It looked rather big on the hanger so we shall see.

I then bought a pari of jeans for £16. It would have cost me £70 in the high street if these people are to be believed It's a tad small i think. no, i know, because it shows my bum crack a bit. It's super low rise and i guess i shouldnt have bought it but i reckon i can wear it 3 times before it is ok. I wonder if they have a return policy? Maybe i can diet? fat chance with christmas and turkey coming. Im sure i'll be fine. I have needed a pair anyway and a bit of retail therapy was just what i needed.

I imbibed alcohol this entire week. so pround of myself. Not that im on the wagon or anything. Im still constipated though. Not helped by two croissants this morning. I'll have to eat lots of beetroot. It always helps. Anyway that's too much info for you guys.
cheerio:p

My 300th post. I cannot believe it has been just over a year and i have managed blog three hundred times. Ther were times when I sort of slumped and flet like i had nothing to blog about but i persevered. I think there are people who gave up when the novelty wore off, which would probably have been around 12 posts or so. Keeping up with friends, new friends and just blog in general is never easy so I am proud of myself.

I maged to get a nice set of underwear today. Fron TKMaxx. The bra gives me a very nice cleavage, it's black and red which is very suitable for that elusive tryst but at least I can say I am prepared should the opprotunity arise. I had to swap the kncikers with a pair from the "A" cup. I think it's weird how they always place the smalls with the A cups, the mediums with the Bs and Cs and so on. someone can have small boobs with a large derriere, no? Anyway i always swap the mediums for the smalls. I remember a long time ago, when i was still averse to thongs, a friend telling me i should always go for a smaller size no matter, or go a size dowm because your actual size will always be bigger. There is some truth to that. I have taken xs. It looked rather big on the hanger so we shall see.

I then bought a pari of jeans for £16. It would have cost me £70 in the high street if these people are to be believed It's a tad small i think. no, i know, because it shows my bum crack a bit. It's super low rise and i guess i shouldnt have bought it but i reckon i can wear it 3 times before it is ok. I wonder if they have a return policy? Maybe i can diet? fat chance with christmas and turkey coming. Im sure i'll be fine. I have needed a pair anyway and a bit of retail therapy was just what i needed.

I imbibed alcohol this entire week. so pround of myself. Not that im on the wagon or anything. Im still constipated though. Not helped by two croissants this morning. I'll have to eat lots of beetroot. It always helps. Anyway that's too much info for you guys.
cheerio:p

Saw a woman i used to care for today in a coffeeshop. i did a double take. She looked so well. dont think she recognised me. As i sat down with my tea and a book i was intending to read, i agonised over whether to go over and say hello or pretend like i hadnt seen her. We got along at the time. i remember she was undergoing a gruelling treatment for cancer and she had a colestomy which some of her previous carers had found distressing or disgusting when they had to help her wash or watching her empty it. i just got on with things and learned a lot from her.

For the life of me i couldn't remember her name, first of last. I couldnt concentrate on my book and kept glancing back to see if she was still in the shop. Eventually i just walked over, said hello, introduced myseld and we had a wonderful chat. She remembered me and had also been wondering if it was me that she'd seen while picking up her coffee. Her tretement went well, she thinks the cancer will come back but then, lamost a year ago she belived she wouldn't see her 50th wedding anniversay. it has come and gone. I was very glad to see her and promised to visit after the christmas mayhem. That was a highlight in my day today. Seeing someone who was on the brink of death at one point getting out and about.lovely.

Another client who had an operation on friday rang me today to tell me she misses me. i had rung several times and left messages to see how it all went. i'll visit tomorrow. I actually never imagined i would become friends with a lot of the people i deal with. They are so diverse and they have brought out a level of patience in myself i never thought i possessed. they think i'd make a wonderful nurse. Clearly they don't know me well enough!

Since im in dire need of new underwear, i trwaled the shops in the west end yesterday and continued today. perhaps i am being fussy but either the stuff wasnt worth the price on the tag or it's just a vile combination of colours! Since when has pinck and white, pink and black, polka dots being the best colours for underwear. i am at my tethers end. someone plese tell me where i can get decent underwear. i dont mean bloomers. sets of things and bras. no mickey mouse patterns or over-elaborate lace and chicken filling. good luck im sure someone out there knows exactly where i can go. . simple back, or blue or heaven forbit dark pink or pruplish will do. i can tgo on the way im going so it's a desperate situation really.

I haven't cooked in so may days now, i should cook and eat properly tonight. i went a bit crazy yesterday morning and mopped the kichen and bathroom and scrubbed everything. i think im getting some kind of obsessive disorder when it comes to cleanliness. I should be in my own house and see whether i would behave the way im behaving. maybe it's the stress who knows.
I think i should have a dinner party for my friends before they all fuck off for x-mas. i'm not sure what i'll be doing but it would be nice to sort of have a rehearsal dinner and see how i cope on the day. I wont get trashed...maybe a little bit

Saw a woman i used to care for today in a coffeeshop. i did a double take. She looked so well. dont think she recognised me. As i sat down with my tea and a book i was intending to read, i agonised over whether to go over and say hello or pretend like i hadnt seen her. We got along at the time. i remember she was undergoing a gruelling treatment for cancer and she had a colestomy which some of her previous carers had found distressing or disgusting when they had to help her wash or watching her empty it. i just got on with things and learned a lot from her.

For the life of me i couldn't remember her name, first of last. I couldnt concentrate on my book and kept glancing back to see if she was still in the shop. Eventually i just walked over, said hello, introduced myseld and we had a wonderful chat. She remembered me and had also been wondering if it was me that she'd seen while picking up her coffee. Her tretement went well, she thinks the cancer will come back but then, lamost a year ago she belived she wouldn't see her 50th wedding anniversay. it has come and gone. I was very glad to see her and promised to visit after the christmas mayhem. That was a highlight in my day today. Seeing someone who was on the brink of death at one point getting out and about.lovely.

Another client who had an operation on friday rang me today to tell me she misses me. i had rung several times and left messages to see how it all went. i'll visit tomorrow. I actually never imagined i would become friends with a lot of the people i deal with. They are so diverse and they have brought out a level of patience in myself i never thought i possessed. they think i'd make a wonderful nurse. Clearly they don't know me well enough!

Since im in dire need of new underwear, i trwaled the shops in the west end yesterday and continued today. perhaps i am being fussy but either the stuff wasnt worth the price on the tag or it's just a vile combination of colours! Since when has pinck and white, pink and black, polka dots being the best colours for underwear. i am at my tethers end. someone plese tell me where i can get decent underwear. i dont mean bloomers. sets of things and bras. no mickey mouse patterns or over-elaborate lace and chicken filling. good luck im sure someone out there knows exactly where i can go. . simple back, or blue or heaven forbit dark pink or pruplish will do. i can tgo on the way im going so it's a desperate situation really.

I haven't cooked in so may days now, i should cook and eat properly tonight. i went a bit crazy yesterday morning and mopped the kichen and bathroom and scrubbed everything. i think im getting some kind of obsessive disorder when it comes to cleanliness. I should be in my own house and see whether i would behave the way im behaving. maybe it's the stress who knows.
I think i should have a dinner party for my friends before they all fuck off for x-mas. i'm not sure what i'll be doing but it would be nice to sort of have a rehearsal dinner and see how i cope on the day. I wont get trashed...maybe a little bit

I saw Matthew Wright's programme this morning, "Thw wright stuff". They were discussing people who use others. like friends and family. those who always take take take. or ask ask ask and get. One of the callers said he was a user, especially in business and he felt those people who get used allow it. I think it's true. They just seem to get away with it and we let them.

I have a friend who is almost like that. I am not sure he realises it.He always asks for help with wirting stuff or this or I always have to go to his place if we have to meet. Like he is king or something.and of course i always oblige. My fault really.

Yesterday he asked me to help him write a motivating letter or essay for a scholarship application. They have specified what they expect in the essay. I told him to draft something first so I could correct him or maybe help prune the thing a bit. He feels I am a better writer than him(i won't disgaree ). However, he wanted me to write the essay and i said no, it would just sound like "me". so he should write and i'll have a look. he has now said I should write it and he will "take ideas" from it.

I won't. it's one thing to help friends move, help them with money, go to their places and so on but i am not writing an essay for him. why should I? when i had problems at landbitch's he used to laugh at me. When I had problems with dissertation he laughed. when i needed a small loan he refused. when i needed help with jobs and stuff he could help with, he laughed it off or ignored me, yet when he wants something from me, he demands it and usually gets it.

I am not doing it this time, im sure he'll hate me and make me feel bad but enough is enough doncha think? I hope he gets the scholarship but he needs to sweat a bit for god's sake. I have enough on my plate as it is.

Been eye shopping for underwear today. Any idea. I need new undies as soon as possible. my boobbs are rather full, im spilling out. might need a bigger cup.ooohhh

Some people have the natural flair and other have to work very very hard of their techniques. I am happy to announce I am a natural and really last night i surpassed myself. Actually I shocked myself so much that i kept saying to my friend"i can't believe that thappened"!

A frind came to meet me in London bridge after work and so I decided to take her to my workplace to we could have a bite or something to drink. The last place you want to hang out at it your workplace but there is no smoking there and the other bars and pubs were just awfully smnelly. Bearing in mind what happened on thursday when I drank too much and felt queasy and smelly from the moke the next day, i wassn't about to have a repeat performance

Anyway, we got there and suddenly a guy wlaked it. medium height(for a guy), dark leather jacked, dark striped shirt and my friend and i did a double take! it was one of my colleagues. I kid you not. Z looked so suave. i mean he likes to joke and call himself george clooney but i thought he looked better. It was his day off but since he has been promoted recently(better rate than im getting i can ssure you), he had some stuff to do so he came it.

My friend and I ordered a pizza and started catching up on news.She's met some Irish guy who os really into her, she is treading carefully, hasnt dated in a while balh, blah1 I got her to send the guy a text and suggest drinks or something. Life is too short!! She thought Z was stnning, and said there was a vibe between me and Z. well we've always had a vibe. Friendship. bitching about worek, encouraging one another and just normal chat. although i had noticed he loooked rather snazzy. He came to join us, orderd his pizza and then it all started. One of the waitresses came over, they talked about how they all went out the previous night, and how he didnt pull and so on. coz i told him that just wasnt right. But then he went on about he's got a king size bed and and he leaves 30cm of space so I am welcome to crall in anytime and explore him.:p The bantering contunued withthe other girls as well and then he sudddenly turned towards me and said "would you like to explore me?", I said "what"? he spoke louder so the other could hear him, "Do you want to explore my body and enjoy it?" being a sport i said "Baby, every nook and cranny!". then he said "how do you like it? do you like everything or just the bits". I told him I like it anywhichway. The other girl jumped in and told him he'd better shave his ass, in which case we moved on to showers and baby oils and things. I have to tell you we were all steaming.

I asked him how big he was and he said he had a rolling pin. I am not quite sure how it all got to that point because before that we were just teasing him and i was telling my friend i would hook her up(she is stunning and very petite).There was just this frisson of excitement, crackling in the air. i don't think we have ever gone that far in our innocent flriting. the other girls now want me to come and visit the flat because the whole thing was so funny and entertaining.

I recall I started to preen. You know, playing with my hair, cocking my head to the side, leaning over and all sorts of thing. it just came. i bet we were all secreting pheromones. The weirdest thing is that none of us had had any alcohol. I mean my friend and I had pizza and tap water,. Z had pizza and a coke, the waitresses nothing and yet we were all trappend in this burning sexual malestrom.

Aaah, it was good whilst it lasted. I can say i perfected the art. My friend whgispered to me "you can get any guy you want, juts like that(snapping her finger when she sai"that"). I should hope so. I don't want my colleague but when he looks better than Clooney and offered his boy to me., well, well, might be hard to resist.

Otherwise, an evening of great fun. couldn't have ended on a better note.

I hate my disseration supervisor. in fact I wanna throttle the bitch ands feed her to the lions, or dogs, whoever is at hand. Nuff said.

I hate the fact that i'm piling just into my syetem. Starch, like croissants, muffins or crisps which constipates me and bloates me.

I hate that i am eating chocolate, and adding extra potions to my plate.

I hate that I can't sleep at night, beofre midnight and wake up too tired to go to work.

I hate the shower at my new flat which is mercilessly cold.
I hate that i have been a mug on many occasion

I hate that I am being observed by an assessor tommorow and I am afriad everything will go wrong.

I hate that i wanna drink some wine and drown my sorrows

I LOVE that I'm not tipping the scales yet so my walking does my thighs some good.

I LOVE that i can bitch on, but i am still taking actions to change my life. Like applying for career-appropriate jobs and being positive about the future.

I LOVE the fact that people see the goodness in me that I sometimes blind myself to.

I I LOVE the fact that i haven't lost my marbles and counter my sadness with positive thoughts. Hard work, but i do try

I LOVE the release blogging gives me.:b
whew

Miss fabulous ass had a great argument with the boy from Botswana at work today. The only snag: he speaks perfect English(being from the commonwealth and all), and she can barely string two sentences together, perfering to bitch in Polish with her compatriots so there weren't proper fireworks!. She ended up calling him "crazy" and he calmly asked her to give a good reason why she thinks he's crazy. I thought "atta boy!". basically she wanted to tell him what to do even though she isn't his senior. She has shagged the manager and so she is rather insolent and gets away with it. It doesn't help that the other female manager (who is also polish and rather biased when it comes to dealing with issues)has said on several occasions how "she hates black people". There are only two blacks there so you can imagine.

She wants to fire the current girl who is shagging Mr shagga-thon because apparently she is being "immoral and abnormal!". Fuck off I said. what is the difference between the current shaggee and Miss Insolent-with-a-nice-ass? She is Latvian, miss Insolent is polish. End of. Otherwise they have both fucked a manger who is married and who'll stick it into anything that's moist. I told them to ditch the double standards because nobody complained before, and they are fine to disapprove of immoral people but to fire a person, that's bullshit.

Also i have been "promoted" to team leader. whoppee! i get a 25pence increase in salary, to be reviewed in 6months. It is the new pay structure and since i have served my probation(according to the new contract), i deserve this. I almost laughed.I did laugh eventually after telling them exactly what i think I mean, i've been there for almost a year, on minumum wage, they know i'm itching to get away so they give me a glorified title(for responsibilities ive been having anyway) and tell me my salary is increased.What bollocks! I thanked them for the 25p and told them i'm willing to continue as i have been but don't they dare add-on responsibilities. They know well enough to leave me alone on this one. I am a on a bit of a tight-rope at the moment.

The cell, my cell, i mean my bedroom is stifling me. Mr hairproducts-all-over-the-place plays really loud classical music(his own compositions mostly) and he bloody hogs the living room like i have been warned. So, i have resolved to go off to Surrey tomorrow for a couple of days to do my laundry, wash my hair and have a really hot shower. I can't deal with the confinement and the frustration.

As if that wasn't enough, at 6am when i was trying to catch a bus, there were a lot of coppers on the street. they'd sprayed some guy with mace and he was bitching about not being able to see. The police kindly adviced him not to open his eyes:b. i thought it was hilarious. Further up, another guy, very big, black and strong was trying to explain why it wasn't him who tried to break into a car, or perhaps what he was doing breaking into a car. I wasn't quite sure but i liked his physique even in the dark:p

And then a very tall wonderfully sculpted specimen sauntered into the shop today. He was with a friend, They spoke in french and I felt my spine tingle. I could eat that man alive...or he could eat me anytime PLease!. Shaggee, came in from the back and immediately said to me "those guys are talking about sex". I said, i thought they were speaking in French. Maybe they'd switched to Anglais. But i was every excited. It's been a while since i have reacted like that to a guy. I hope he comes back next week.

I must go on a diet. No, i must change my diet. I am eating my veggies and all but i have taken to eating bread products now, something which is not good for my digestive system or even the size of my buttocks and thighs. It's good to have all that in abundance, afterall im all woman, but i am starting to think we might be talking spillage before christmas. heaven forbid!. if Mr sexy french stranger comes in again, we might have to seriously talk about sexcercising together. I bet he could scoop me up and do to me things I only dream about:p. He is soo tall, taught and...ooohh. the most amazing smile as well. need to do my hair soon. gotta give myself the best advantage

Enough already, i should really be typing up my CV to send the apllication for that job off. I have a good feeling about it though im not too hopeful. My current job needs to be references. That is a problem. And a personal reference....we'll see.

I should really visit geezer one of these days. he might think Im avoiding him since he got me the cell. Serves him right for I am now serving a six month sentence. Better a cell than a dungeon I guess

Miss fabulous ass had a great argument with the boy from Botswana at work today. The only snag: he speaks perfect English(being from the commonwealth and all), and she can barely string two sentences together, perfering to bitch in Polish with her compatriots so there weren't proper fireworks!. She ended up calling him "crazy" and he calmly asked her to give a good reason why she thinks he's crazy. I thought "atta boy!". basically she wanted to tell him what to do even though she isn't his senior. She has shagged the manager and so she is rather insolent and gets away with it. It doesn't help that the other female manager (who is also polish and rather biased when it comes to dealing with issues)has said on several occasions how "she hates black people". There are only two blacks there so you can imagine.

She wants to fire the current girl who is shagging Mr shagga-thon because apparently she is being "immoral and abnormal!". Fuck off I said. what is the difference between the current shaggee and Miss Insolent-with-a-nice-ass? She is Latvian, miss Insolent is polish. End of. Otherwise they have both fucked a manger who is married and who'll stick it into anything that's moist. I told them to ditch the double standards because nobody complained before, and they are fine to disapprove of immoral people but to fire a person, that's bullshit.

Also i have been "promoted" to team leader. whoppee! i get a 25pence increase in salary, to be reviewed in 6months. It is the new pay structure and since i have served my probation(according to the new contract), i deserve this. I almost laughed.I did laugh eventually after telling them exactly what i think I mean, i've been there for almost a year, on minumum wage, they know i'm itching to get away so they give me a glorified title(for responsibilities ive been having anyway) and tell me my salary is increased.What bollocks! I thanked them for the 25p and told them i'm willing to continue as i have been but don't they dare add-on responsibilities. They know well enough to leave me alone on this one. I am a on a bit of a tight-rope at the moment.

The cell, my cell, i mean my bedroom is stifling me. Mr hairproducts-all-over-the-place plays really loud classical music(his own compositions mostly) and he bloody hogs the living room like i have been warned. So, i have resolved to go off to Surrey tomorrow for a couple of days to do my laundry, wash my hair and have a really hot shower. I can't deal with the confinement and the frustration.

As if that wasn't enough, at 6am when i was trying to catch a bus, there were a lot of coppers on the street. they'd sprayed some guy with mace and he was bitching about not being able to see. The police kindly adviced him not to open his eyes:b. i thought it was hilarious. Further up, another guy, very big, black and strong was trying to explain why it wasn't him who tried to break into a car, or perhaps what he was doing breaking into a car. I wasn't quite sure but i liked his physique even in the dark:p

And then a very tall wonderfully sculpted specimen sauntered into the shop today. He was with a friend, They spoke in french and I felt my spine tingle. I could eat that man alive...or he could eat me anytime PLease!. Shaggee, came in from the back and immediately said to me "those guys are talking about sex". I said, i thought they were speaking in French. Maybe they'd switched to Anglais. But i was every excited. It's been a while since i have reacted like that to a guy. I hope he comes back next week.

I must go on a diet. No, i must change my diet. I am eating my veggies and all but i have taken to eating bread products now, something which is not good for my digestive system or even the size of my buttocks and thighs. It's good to have all that in abundance, afterall im all woman, but i am starting to think we might be talking spillage before christmas. heaven forbid!. if Mr sexy french stranger comes in again, we might have to seriously talk about sexcercising together. I bet he could scoop me up and do to me things I only dream about:p. He is soo tall, taught and...ooohh. the most amazing smile as well. need to do my hair soon. gotta give myself the best advantage

Enough already, i should really be typing up my CV to send the apllication for that job off. I have a good feeling about it though im not too hopeful. My current job needs to be references. That is a problem. And a personal reference....we'll see.

I should really visit geezer one of these days. he might think Im avoiding him since he got me the cell. Serves him right for I am now serving a six month sentence. Better a cell than a dungeon I guess

Miss fabulous ass had a great argument with the boy from Botswana at work today. The only snag: he speaks perfect English(being from the commonwealth and all), and she can barely string two sentences together, perfering to bitch in Polish with her compatriots so there weren't proper fireworks!. She ended up calling him "crazy" and he calmly asked her to give a good reason why she thinks he's crazy. I thought "atta boy!". basically she wanted to tell him what to do even though she isn't his senior. She has shagged the manager and so she is rather insolent and gets away with it. It doesn't help that the other female manager (who is also polish and rather biased when it comes to dealing with issues)has said on several occasions how "she hates black people". There are only two blacks there so you can imagine.

She wants to fire the current girl who is shagging Mr shagga-thon because apparently she is being "immoral and abnormal!". Fuck off I said. what is the difference between the current shaggee and Miss Insolent-with-a-nice-ass? She is Latvian, miss Insolent is polish. End of. Otherwise they have both fucked a manger who is married and who'll stick it into anything that's moist. I told them to ditch the double standards because nobody complained before, and they are fine to disapprove of immoral people but to fire a person, that's bullshit.

Also i have been "promoted" to team leader. whoppee! i get a 25pence increase in salary, to be reviewed in 6months. It is the new pay structure and since i have served my probation(according to the new contract), i deserve this. I almost laughed.I did laugh eventually after telling them exactly what i think I mean, i've been there for almost a year, on minumum wage, they know i'm itching to get away so they give me a glorified title(for responsibilities ive been having anyway) and tell me my salary is increased.What bollocks! I thanked them for the 25p and told them i'm willing to continue as i have been but don't they dare add-on responsibilities. They know well enough to leave me alone on this one. I am a on a bit of a tight-rope at the moment.

The cell, my cell, i mean my bedroom is stifling me. Mr hairproducts-all-over-the-place plays really loud classical music(his own compositions mostly) and he bloody hogs the living room like i have been warned. So, i have resolved to go off to Surrey tomorrow for a couple of days to do my laundry, wash my hair and have a really hot shower. I can't deal with the confinement and the frustration.

As if that wasn't enough, at 6am when i was trying to catch a bus, there were a lot of coppers on the street. they'd sprayed some guy with mace and he was bitching about not being able to see. The police kindly adviced him not to open his eyes:b. i thought it was hilarious. Further up, another guy, very big, black and strong was trying to explain why it wasn't him who tried to break into a car, or perhaps what he was doing breaking into a car. I wasn't quite sure but i liked his physique even in the dark:p

And then a very tall wonderfully sculpted specimen sauntered into the shop today. He was with a friend, They spoke in french and I felt my spine tingle. I could eat that man alive...or he could eat me anytime PLease!. Shaggee, came in from the back and immediately said to me "those guys are talking about sex". I said, i thought they were speaking in French. Maybe they'd switched to Anglais. But i was every excited. It's been a while since i have reacted like that to a guy. I hope he comes back next week.

I must go on a diet. No, i must change my diet. I am eating my veggies and all but i have taken to eating bread products now, something which is not good for my digestive system or even the size of my buttocks and thighs. It's good to have all that in abundance, afterall im all woman, but i am starting to think we might be talking spillage before christmas. heaven forbid!. if Mr sexy french stranger comes in again, we might have to seriously talk about sexcercising together. I bet he could scoop me up and do to me things I only dream about:p. He is soo tall, taught and...ooohh. the most amazing smile as well. need to do my hair soon. gotta give myself the best advantage

Enough already, i should really be typing up my CV to send the apllication for that job off. I have a good feeling about it though im not too hopeful. My current job needs to be references. That is a problem. And a personal reference....we'll see.

I should really visit geezer one of these days. he might think Im avoiding him since he got me the cell. Serves him right for I am now serving a six month sentence. Better a cell than a dungeon I guess

mmmh, not sure what i'm going through. I am grateful for the fact that i have a roof over my head. course i am. I am just not sure if it's the roof i want to be under. I am not sure if i am suddenly becoming obsessive with cleanliness.Ok, the microwave is filthy. I mean i don't think it's been cleaned since it was bought so i must clean that if i am to use it and i shall need to soo. the one fridge has gone green inside but mercifully the other one is clean but the freezer is tiny so i can't buy my frozen veggies. I know peotobello market is minutes away but i am away during the day and really cant be arsed to buy fresh produce there daily.

My room doesn't close properly so i can't lock it from the outside although i can from inside(don't even ask). Since the washing machine doesn't work, i have to go to a laundramat which is fine but i wont wash and dry there. my budget does not allow, so i shall have to figure out ways to dry my stuff. As spacious as the flat seems to be, there actually isn't a lot of space. Storage space or space for anything else. I'll need to buy some more pots coz new roomie leaves his food in the pots for days. Christ, i feel like ive walked onto another horror flick though im not sure where the horror lies yet.Which begs the question: is an address everything? everyone winks or oohs and aahs when they hear where i stay. they tell me people would give an arm and a leg to stay in that area(nottinghill) but if you feel where you are is a bit shite so what? happiness is more important than an address to me. Maybe it's the change in weather. maybe my bitching will stop in a few days. maybe not

I overslept this morning, was running late but i didn't care. i am treading on dangerous ground as far as my work is concerned. Also i stopped off at my bank, the putney branch, asked for statements and promtly forgot a rather juicy Jackie Collins book i am reading. I got to hammersmith and hopped on another bus back to putney hioping against hope that the book would have been handed in. It was. There is nothing more annoying than reaching the climax(of a book) ) and then losing it without getting to the wind-down bit.

Sienna says she feels sad and deflated in one od her posts. I feel the same. I want to clean everything in the new flat. Bathroom, kicthen, my room, the doors. everything! I feel cramped and yet i should be feeling elated for having my space. I guess i have to play everything by ear for the moment.

Saw a job advert for a communications officer. right up my alley. Dobn't think i'll get it but it might be worth a try. Anything to get out of the mind-numbing stuff im having to deal with. We shall see.

im a bit tired actually

Gosh it's been such a long time in the wilderness. I apologise for not having posted and hope nobody deleted me in a fit of anger

The madness has almost ended. I have come back to central London, having just survived living in Surrey. Where i was was really far but I was grateful for the peace and quiet. Just what I needed after the frantic flat search, the panic over not finding a place, the possibility of residing in a dungeon and possibly the loss of my mind. I saw a couple of grey strands on my head and thought:this is it, i am ageing prematurely. Somehow though, things have turned out ok. The slave came to help me move to Nottinghill yesterday. I was meant to be at my new abode at 7:30pm for dinner, adviced the slave on the quickest route to Sutton and i guess we got our wires crossed. He got to me just as the dinner was starting. I was too chicken to phone ahead and now my landlord who fortunately was departing to caribbean land today told me he was pissed off last night and called me all possible names under the sun.

We had the dinner, at 9pm after i'd run up and down with all my stuff. Now you know the room resembles a cell,(although on firday i though it looked a fraction bigger than whenh i first saw it). So now i have bin-liners with pillows, a huge laundry basket with books, bags and all other useless crap I cart around with me. I literally had to jump over suitcases this morning.I didn't sleep well, there was some draft coming thru the window and I was just restless. Claustrophobic I should say. So now i need to unpack, get rid of some clutter(not today) and make the cell look as big and comfortable as possible. I have a huge TV which will have to go I guess. I can't watch it as my aerial is with a friend, whose boyfriend landed from Iraq today and so she cancelled our Ap. I hope he'll be able to get it up for the reunion. the last time they spoke he was very traumatised and she had basically dumped him over email because he kept changing dates about coming back. not his fault but hey, the poor girl is like a soldier's wife and they arent even married and she is only 25yrs.

So I wont see "Im a celebrity get me out of here" and will miss laughing at Jan for being so annoying. I had almost given up on finding the disk with my disseration and my CV and was ready to to get a psychologist's letter, which wouldn't have been wrong considering what i have been put thru. I found it last night when i was packing. Miracles do happen, although i didn't win the Euro millions! not happy about that

I am going to scrub the bath and anything scrubbable in that flat. it's clean but it looks like two guys have been living there. One in his 70s(who is gone) the other in his 30s. He is a diva who wears make up and all the shelves in the bathroom are full of hair products! where am i supposed to put my toothbrush?? I think we are going to have a little talk, the sooner the better

Anyway, I should be grateful i have a room, the landlord won't be breathing down my neck. his god-son warned me to assert my authority with mister hairstpry. he tends to monopolise the living room apparently. Nice of him to warn me. he also invited me to his huge, huge (almost a castle really)mansion in Oxfordshire. i might take him up on the offer. he has a wife and two kids and they'll be happy to have me of course.

Not bad, i just need to get my bearings again and I'll be fine

oooh, trouble at work. There is a guy, who came about 3mths ago. I remember thinking he wasn't too bad. My colleagu8e at the time said he wasn't her type. maybe it's coz they are both polish. Nah, actually she likes then thin and scrawny. mmmh. anyway the guy'sname is michael.Well, that's the English version and since i wasn't sure I could say his name without mispronouncing it I asked permission to call him Michael. The guy is a big flirt. As soon as he started working he apparently(gosspi) got together with the girl who's got the most beautiful ass. yeah, she does. My booty comes a close second if i'm being generous otherwise im the "phine" one. she has a boyfriend, but she seems to be doing anything on legs with a c**k between those legs. Fair enough. Now apparently he is with another girl, whos isn't so sexy looking(sey is in the eye of the beholder right?). she's a bit on the big side, lacks confidence, i must admit i don't know how they got together coz he was sizzling with miss bootylicious. The current squeeze told me herself they were together, but she was too afraid to do the deed because" she doesnt have the best body". I coached her and encouraged her, told her the usual babble about being confident and sex having nothing to do wuith being thin. he likes her, she likes him so get on with it already!!. it seems they did but now sher is unsure again coz he's moody since they live in the same house. Oh, brother, this one ain't gonna last.

Yesterday, he was flirting with me. it started rather furtively but he got bolder and bolder and when he was leaving, he kissed his girl passionatley. I think she was a bit stunned. i thought it was exciting in full view of everyone. the manager told him to kiss me as well and i said "if you do you are never gonna kiss her again so better if you don't!". we all laughed but he kissed me on both cheeks but i tell you he brought his mouth fdangerously close to mine and i must admit i did think i could have kissed him back on the mouth and not cared. But i won't do that. He is a love rat and I won't add myself to the list of casualities at work. besides the poor girl is a bit distraught. Sghe knows he is a playa, she must just play while she's got the change. she is 20 for god's sake!!!.

Still I've got a cold, don't know where i gopt the germ from and i got hit by the coffee tamp thingy on the forehead and am now sporting a nice bump on the forehead and a light headcahe. No, it wasn't recorded as an accident at work. I should sue if i start losing my memory. I was asked to go see a client todayas an emergency cover and was warned the place looked like a Bombed city. I wasn't sure what to make of that staement. It was worse. It looked and smelled like a bomb city. I don't know how people can exist in situations like that but there you go.

SkyTv is gone. Now i miss silly programnmes like america's next top model and so on. My old TV is actually crappy now. maybe the lack of an aerial is making the problem worse.I'm lagging behind with my coursework Im am going again tomorrow(the course from work) and i just don't care. I found out my auncle(in law) died last friday. he has been suffering really, his daugher my cousin was horrible to him. there was a time when they starved him for two weeks and them confessed to me and my mom. why?? they wanted his pension so they could pay bills and stuff. their own. so maybe he is in a better place. still sad though.

i'm gonna go to bed early i think. i was terribly late for work today but i survived ok. i need to watch it though. it's getting to be a bad habit.

One of my client's is annoying me. i am sure she is going thru a phase but i am finding it difficult so smile and laugh when i have so many other issues to deal with.She has a sone who is staying with a girlfriend at her flat. she does their alundry and stuff and bitches about it. They are grwon up(23 and 32) so they can do their laundry.I iron their stuff with hers sometimes even though i don't iron any of my clothes. I hate it. I an starting to get annyed by this. I just don't know how to bring it up delicately.

Ive agreed to move into a plce. the room is a little cell. not sure it was the right choice.

i need to sort myself out pretty soon coz things are getting out of hand. I had a few laughs last night talking to an old man who was very naughty and tried to flirt with me. I am talking a 72yr old. He said I was very mature and assumed i was in my mid-30s. i was rather offended and haughtily told him i am not even 30! How dare they assume maturity comes with age? in my experience that is a blatant lie.

I need a pair of jean, very low rise and one that is the right length. can someobody tell me where to go? I havent done retail thereapy recently and i am badly in need. it's sometimes almost better than my orgasms. I need a new toy from ann summers. apparently they now have "The finger" whatever that is. Nah, maybe i'll just bag myself a man. I should be able to shouldn't I? Well one would think but never mind, I am just rambling. Been invited to a wedding for february. will have to wear a frock. Shit!

Im gonna go home and either drink tea or wine if i buy one. i haven't drunk in 5 days now. Some kid was screaming for her father on the bus last night. she admitted to having drunk a lot, puked all over the place. Fortunately someone called her father to come and pick her up at a particular station. she started screaming again and promtly passed out very near her vomit. She couldnt have been more that 16yrs. Alcohol can be scary so i shall tread carefully

cheerio, be sure you are well insulated it's getting rather nippy

1.Got a bollocking from Deciever on Saturday evening. The bastard rang me up to berate me for not having called him for help whilst looking for a place to live.Conveniently he has forgotten all the horrible things he said to me and about me apres carnival. I just listened as he attacked my character, telling me i always do things backward and he stopped trying to understand me a long time agao. I suspect what had really flipped him out was the fact that Geezer had rung him(well he has property connections but im not gonna go and ask him. it's bad for my health) and so he ranted on about how he had to hear from people(geezer) who can do fuckall for me. I did not ask those "people" to do anything for me. That they called him has nothing to do with me and his massive ego is not my responsibility. But God i was upset afterwards. i must have texted three people after to bitch. The friend whose house i'm staying in at the moment rang me and at one point I was really close to tears. Talking to Deciver brings back awful memories. someone said maybe that's the way he shows he cares. Well, i know he can show he cares in a caring gentle way if he so chooses, just not with me. He is always angry and venting and like a victim i just take it. In the end he was screaming "hello, hello??"down the phone coz i wasnt responding. I calmly told him i didnt want to bother him and that i was just listening to him venting. Talk about bursting a bubble. Dunno what he wants. anyway, he said He'll see what he can do. Does thatr mean i should suspend the dungeon? he knows the dungeon guy, apparently they are friends and so he might have halted him already. I dont have thre courage to ring him yet. Shit, talk about a spanner in the works! What's a girl to do??

2. Having bought three train passes that i did not use adequately coz i don't know how the fuck to travel and change over on the overland(don't laugh ), i decided to get the oyster today. (I have lost a couple already. I kow you just go to the ticket window and pay a £3 deposit and you are all set. So i went to