The arrogant fucker told me to look in the mirror! How dare he? I know he likes to qoute that Michael Jackson song line, but how dare he insinuates I am not honest?!. Look in the mirror indeed The only time I look to to affirm what i see there and ll i say is "Hello Gorgeous!" FULL STOP.Who the fuck is he to say that to me?

I was so angry that i actually put the phone down. BUt then Miss Phine never learns her lessons. She sees too much good in bastards who deserve to be spat upon at every opportunity. This is what went down: I called Deciever like i had promised last week. I hadn't specified a day when i would call. I have been sick in bed, the people on blog know this, and other people who actually give a damn about my well being. He said it had been a long time, which boggles my mind because the Bitch can pick up the damn phone if he wants to talk to yours truly. The truth is i could be run over by a truck and he wouldn't miss a heartbeat.He could be run over...perhaps i would exhale in relief.Nah, im not that nasty

He was apparently taking a break from" his hard schedule" by washing dishes. He apologised for being busy blah blah, I told him i knew what a busy man he is and so he should slot me in when he has an opening in his very tight schedule.Then he said I would see him every day if I was working with him. Excuse me?? Hello? Did the mother not say he was giving work to someone else when we spoke? and frankly how can I work with someone who does not respect me or give a damn about my well-being?I pointed this out to him(the giving work to someone else bit.) to me it meant the working together thing was a shut case. That's when he spoke about mirrors and me making promises and not delivering and claiming to be sick everytime. Oh, shit him! sod him! castrate him! whatever. I demanded to know on which other occasion I did that. He sounded vague, I got pissed off and put the phone down fuming.

YOu see, in my silly naiive innocent-to-the-point of stupidity mind i have thought we could converse like humans(it's more for my benefit really), but it's impossible. When i got back on the phone, he ranted on about how he is "tired of this" "we are not synching". I said "look, i only called to see how you are doing but every time i call you have a go at me or shout" Of course he had to turn it around and make me sound deranged coz he said, if that's what i think he does then fine because he doesnt have a go or shout at me.He was shouting at the time by the way.

He had conveniently forgotten the saturday he called out of the blue, shouted at me and the said he didnt mean to have a go. We need a hundred mirrors i think:p Anyway, ever the diplomat i pushed the conversation on to other topics. his work. (who does not enjoy boasting about their so-called achievements) he asked after me, but i was well pissed. Not upset but pissed off. This train deserves to be bombed so any suicide bombers out there get in touch

We eventually said out goodbyes, actually i was the one who said look i dont wanna keep you from you dishes so...
I mean, the work thing is a dead-end, but why use it against me? I know you might ask me why we are even talking, please dont. The mirror I look in is not the same as the one he wants me to look in. I am sooo incensed by that. Almost as if i am desperate to see him. I dont want to see him everyday and i cartainly don think he could stomoach seeing me daily. We woyuld murder each other.Be pleasant or die shithead!

I called old geezer his friend after. I am going there in a short while. he is there with his youngsih friend. the one who broke the broom trying to spring clean at night the last time i was there. Apparently he wasnt on weed then. Weird but still it is pleasant company, where i don't have to justify myself or my existence indeed. I wish decievr could vanish. Honestly. So i dont have to be in these situations.

I got a bigger size jacket in Kingston today. I hope Oxford street will refund my credit card before everything goes thru. Will have to do it on MOnday.

The aganecy had given me a rota, two people for the week, one of them is in hospital. in other words they are fucking with my life. I took it and left. Can't deal with too much crap at once otherwise the tigress in me might just escape. The world is not ready for that. Trust me

I am a fool of no description, i accept that, but i gave back as much as i got. The problem is because i have a heart where he has a gaping hole, i can hurt while he continues to be the sodding bastard he is.

Im done