I am at that point whwere I feel I have nothing to write about. yet there is a lot of things swirlig around in my evercharged brain.

Lets see: i was suppoed to go to a friend's to fetch my stuff thatshe has been holding for me for almost a year now. just some clothes and books. god, my stuff is all over the place. I was on the tube at earl's court I think when i got a call from My older male friend's friend. Ok let me call the old man "Smooth". The friend is one who came with us to dinner on friday to the "almost-80yr old" who said he would do me if he was 30 yrs younger. well he could be my grandpa, or worse.

anyway, after that dinner this guy had said we should meet, at Smooth's place. I have been summoned previously, on the pretext on having a business proposal for me. but i guess he just wanted to suss me out. Smooth later told me he didnt htink he would hire me or ask me to work with him(he makes websites and needs managers for other things). so i let it go. but then he has seen me a couple of times since and maybe i am warming up to him. i suppose last night was a bonding session, coz when he stepped out Smooth asked me if the bobding was going well.he mostly talked about the business they were trying to start but then when i asked how he wants me involved(i really cant do this whole wooing thing over months), he said because he doesnt know me or my routines then he prefers to just take everything as it comes and let us find out about each other. whatever. we had wine, the onversation was good, at the end he said he looked forward to a long working relationship. he wants to host a diner party on friday and wants me to come. why cant people just be straight?

oh, and i sent deciever a text since he had called last week. Yeah i know i havent said much about that. I thought he wouldnt responsed, i was willing him not to, yet anticipating it. (im hopeless). It was just to say we should get together for dinner or something before he leaves the country). he responded, apologised for not getting basck to me, said he is busy working blh, blah, i shoudl ring him or he will ring when he gets a moment. that was good enough. i will not be calling. since he is the busy one, he can call. There is no point though, its a dead-end.

So i never made it to my friend's i missed chaning tubes zt earls court, went got off in fulhan broadwaym, went to have a nice dinner alone then went back where i proceeded to go round in circles having been lost.

I bought a few things for the flat. I bought some food and fruit for myself and told my roomies that it was for all of us. I still wont be drawn into doing the food together and stuff. But thern i bought milk and the other girl bought it as well. I guess there is logic in doing things together or communicating about it. I still feel a little self-conscious about eating there though, which is ridiculous. I mean, it is my place as well and we dont have to do thigs together.

I forgot my phone today, you know when you go into a room and you forget what you are looking for? I remembered on the tube, it was too late to go back seeing how i dont have the seurity thing to enter. Im surev the agency has tried to call me about wok tomorrow. they can go jump as far as im concerned, although i did ask f they had something and she said she'd call today.

therapist was much nicer yesterday. she let me ramble, I caught myself and apologised and she said i should do ramble because its things i need to talk about. I needed that last week. but i did leave smiling. i do have to say, i am not completely cxomfortable with her, but since we have limited sessions, and we are half way there at four, it's fine.
thats it