I'm having one of those mornings where I am feeling rather despondent. I have discovered that a book I am meant to use for my assgment(all the answers are in it) has disappeared. I have searched everywhere, and worse, i am wondering if it's not at my cousin's place who is nowhere near me. It's due in 3days and im going bonkers.

My weekend was rather chaotic. Well, it probably wasn't but it felt like that. I dont think i can do this carework anymore. That is not because i do not like helping those poor or rich old people. I just want to be well-informed about what i am getting into and to be able to work with as little stress as possible. First,i feel when a client has to be seen by two carers then they should be given each other's phone numbers in case something happens. So of course i went to one house and waited and waited, eventually agency cals when im supposed to leave that the one women is sick. By the time i left that house, i was too late to give supper to the next man. that's the one who barked at me, told me to go away and I was so terrifed that i told the agency i didnt think i could make it for sunday. The just laughed. I was close to tears!

Then the next ones kept sending me away but, i think they have a bit of alzeimer's. I always have to ask what the problem is with whoever im going to see, so that im prepared. i think that's sensible. The one women has cancer, she has a catheter and col..(well the bag for poo). I wasnt warned as as much as I have had a cathter stuck in me, you need to be shown how to open it and close it etc. So the whole weekend was very trying, having to get up at 5:30am. Not that i could make it for my AP at 7am. there is no transport in london at that time, god!

Anyway, the whole weeknd was very disterssing, clutching my A-Z, trying to familiarise myself with the buses and having irate old people waiting. I am done, i am depleted. the angency called me today to ask how i felt about a couple of the clients. It would seem they've had several people, they can't cope, so i will do it. I dont want to. bloddy hell. I was tuck in the rain till 9pm both days. NOt happy.

I had a dream a bout deciever that i can't remeber this morning and i have been feeling a little apprehensive since. MOst of the time i remember my dreams and work out what they mean.

On friday though, I went to see the old geezer, his one friend came(a youngish guy) and geezer really did not want him there. He had brought weed for both of them, geezer decided we should go to his friend's(who is almost 80 but looks about 55, seriously!)for dinner.
It was wonderful, he was regaling us with stories, he has such a great sense of humor and he can keep geezer in line. afterall he could be his dad even though they are friends. there was another woman there. The old man knew her grandfather who died in world war 2 or something. she is an artist. We had some kind of chicken curry, wine flowed freely, but smoking is band and so all geezer could do with his young friend was endure.

The old man was firlting with me. says he doesnt do much fucking these days(his words) but if he was 30 years younger he would do me. I could not belive he said that, we all just laughed. My loss?

That was just about the highlight of this weekend. A friend says she will try and see if they need people at her office, it's a call center and they work on different campaigns.I will feel bad for leaving the agency but i come first.