You see, these games arent just starting now. They are definitely proceeding, but i am not sure which direction they are taking.
The older father figure man who took me to see a play last week called me up yesterday just as I was about to order McDonalds and asked if i had eaten. I said no, but i am about to eat macDonalds. He asked if I had ordered yet, which i hadnt and so extented an invite for me to come eat. this was around 5:30pm. I got there at 6:15 and was with a girlfriend.
when we got there, she asked for permission to take her jacket off, the man told her she could take all her clothes off if she wanted. that was an ice-breaker. I had warned her about him.Like a good guest I took a bottle of red wine and so we ate. He is a good cook and knows I dont particularly like to cook although i can clean up real good. conversation flowed, my friend was a bit shy but she did contribute. After about 1hr30 she left and it was just me and this guy. He is really concerned about my well-being, he is trying to hook me up with people who can help me with jobs, but i also think he is a bit lonely and starting to fancy me a little bit.
He did say that we have spent three days together so far and they were all effortless. he is so right, we sit, we talk rubbish or discuss serious topics, we laugh ourselves silly, he goes off and practices on his piano and we carry on where we left off. now wouldnt it be nice if he was younger (not that he never ensnares younger women). its fun it gives me peace of mind and a good meal cooked by a man. I am just beginning to wonder where all this is going. you can hang out and have duinners and wine for so long but after a while, other elements come into play. I really dont believe men and women can spend time together just purely for the sake of it even if they enjoy each others company. there is always something lurking at the back. So im seeing the signs and wondering what to do.
On the other hand, mr Deciever who has a little event on friday called me and asked if i was coming by myself. i said "no, im bringing a friend coz u gave me two tickets". he asked if would be spending most of my time with my friend then( no mention of gender, dont know if he wondered, doesnt really matter), i said my friends dont need me holding their hands, what was the phone call about. "Oh because we need help doing this and that on the night but if you're spending time with..." I cut in and asked what it was he wanted exactly and whether he wanted to meet before hand to explain. so i will meet him at the venue, about 1hr before. there will be other people helping as well. he sounded suitably grateful. I think i sounded mildly itriitated. I mean call and ask for what you want dude! Since when does he beat around the bush?
And I felt nothing, no heart going boom boom boom coz deciever called and needs help. I think one of my friends is right. he is trying to see what hold hes got over me still. Its scaring me a bit as well that the grip is gone or slowly going. i have nothing to fear from myself or him....for the moment anyway. who knows how i might wake up tomorrow 
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I am wearing one of those naughty T-shirts you get in Camden town, it always raises eyebrows when im wearing it. it only says "psycho bitch" and glows in the dark. whats the big deal i ask you. I love it though. i feel free and like i have a secret weapon in my brain when im wearing it.
so bring it on Mr deciever, i dont know how i will react with the bimbo there though. the fucking bitch. but i have been composed all this time and im not given to emotional outbursts. I guess that will be the true test of my feelings and recovery. dear god, im talking rehab now:p.
anyway, i really enjoyed last night but must make sure things dont get out of hand. woudnt want anything misconstrued for whatever reason. on the other hand, deceiver will have to be sorted once and for all. At this point, im either losing my marbles or im back to my sassy self.
peace