I went to the gym on saturday. A friend who is getting married in a couple of weeks had vouchers to go try out equipment at LA fitness in Picadilly. Three of us went. Sghame the one girl was really not interested but as a good loyal friend, she came along for moral support.

So we tried out the treadmill,walking steadily at first while there was a woman next to us who appeared to be sprinting....for about 30mins. I think she is one of those who are obsessed with being superfit. Anyway, I increased the speed and ran like madam too. Coz i started sweating but atleast i wasnt huffing and puffing. All that walking i do constantly is of some help. we went of and did the bicycle thing. I dont know what they are called and there was no instructor at hand. after all it was a freebie so why would we even get the time of day?! Next we went off to do the leg lifts, i could feel my thigh muscles begin to itch and feel the starin, but i especailly liked the one where you had to pen your legs wide and close them while carrying weight. Its supposed to work your butt and thighs. my friend said it was like going to a gynaecologist!:p

and then we did the excercise for the inner thighs and went swinmming afterwards. I wore my pink bikini and was afraid it wouldnt look good but it still fitted and i looked fine. not like last year when i was superfit but it was ok. Some guy had the audacity to tell me im getting fat last week, while the scale at the women's clinic recorded me at 52kg. the other day it was 51kg. I told him im losing weight actually but then he said he knows my body from last year so i must be eating too much. Who is he to say that, and why did i even entertain his comments? I mean from what i have heard his girlfriend weighs atleast 10kg more than me so sod him!

sunday was great, i had lunch with the man i went to watch the play with. bumped into him in the street and he ended up cooking for me. we had good stimul;ating conversations and i ended spending the whole day there. Its ironic that we talk so freely, he is deceivers friend and yet deciever and i cant talk like that.

i saw another friend i was supposed to text back about meeting for tea, but since i was high on wine, i didnt gcare. he wanted to make noise about it but chilled out a bit. I had a really weird dream about deciever. My dreams about him are always so vivid and detailed and are rarely ever nice dreams. almost as if i am getting messages or warningd. maybe its my psychic abilities coming to the fore. either way, i woke up rather distressed this morning from one of those dreams.

Mind you I havent spoke to him since last tuesday. I figured, i am constantly calling as if i am pursuing him, which in a way i am(here we go again) but why should i put myself in that position. still i do not like these dreams and they are truly disturbing me.

I am thinking of taking him to see the play, but dioes he really deserve it in all fairness or is it mem trying to get to spend some time with him? well i guess some days are better than others so i have to mentally train myself to think of other things and do other things instead

was feeling a bit suicidal yesterday. kept saying im gonna jump off london bridge. i havent and i wont but still....

there is no happier note today im afraid, unless my life changes radically for the better soon!

pics from carnival are back...oh my God! thats all i can say