I am feeling blue right now and that wasnt the case earlier today. I went to Camden town out of boredom, and because when I am feeling restless as I am, i go off and spend money on a psychic. I believe I did that a month ago, saw a female, today I decided to see a man.

Interstingly they had very similar things to say if they are to be believed. They see me travelling abroad later in the year. the man was specific, round december or early spring like february. The both say I have a lot of decisions to make regarding work, where i live and love life. But that applies to everyone I think. He also said I have a spiritual psychic gift and he could train me.

Tha jolted me because he is the 4th person to say that to me. All the other people were from diffrent countries at diffrent times. So it seems I am wasting my time trying to eke out a living like everyone else because my purpose lies in healing. What scared me a bit though was when he said this year is good for me to do whatever I want. If I dont grab the opportunities, they will only reappear in 9 years. He went on about me having a baby, I told him I dont want any and it wont happen, I am making sure. three times that came to him.

And of course he went on to the issue of men. I apparently had a man on my mind and we needed to resolve our situation. That could only have been the deciever. There is nothing there. I dont love him, he doesn't love me but feels no malice towards me. This man said a man only requires great sex from a woman then he might feel something otherwise they dont give a shit. If I have issues of his philandering or whatever I should talk to my girlfriends. Yet, he tolds me I would meet a man in february who will love me and I will need to make decisions. So, the sex thing is bullshit that. I mean I believ a guy can decide just as a woman can whether they really LIKE you or whether they are out for a shag and to let to go.

So now I am feeling a bit down, can't understand why. Not sure if I should continue on this friendship vein with deciever or not talk to him. he is like a drug I am addicted to. I am on a high after seeing him(no sex) and then I crash and crave him a bit.

I am thinking maybe I should seduce him and I should shag him on my terms and spit it out, but seeing how I am a fiery aries, that would probably be disastrous for me. It's not as if it was anything to write about before anyway so what the fuck is my problem? do i not want to let go? mind you this is the first person I really let into my life properly. perhaps I should not have seen the psychic. I am left with more questions than answers.

I'll just get drunk and be merry at carnival....