it rained on and off today. I was suposed to go to a spiritualist church in North London(I am craving to speak to a psychic these days, like it would solve all my problems). I decided not to go. I thought I might meet a girlfriend for a gossip and there was the option of going to a film festival.We sat at a bar instead and drank. Well I had a barcadi with coke and then a mango juice after. one girlfriend had the juice and applauded me for staying off alcohol(as if I have been drinking forever!),the guyfriend lazily dealt witrh guiness. We did not see the movies, it was a nice afternoon turned evening.
I just stuffed myself with chips coz I felt like it. No guilt there. I can run off the "fat" at the park.
I rang him, it went to voicemail. I left a message to ring back. It hasnt happened. I ma sure he got the message. I'm not gutted though. the whole rejection thing i felt on tuesday is not there. well...just a little pang, but im not suicidal. I reckon when he is desperate or ready he will call. Everything between us seems measured. The games have begun and it's round two. I know the pattern: send text, feel like shit while he toys with my feelings. Recieve text from him out of the blue, have my heart thump away gratefully. wait for next round.
I sure as hell will not handle things that way again.
pray and hope that i can keep it together this time and not get overly excited.
later!