Shit endured

I must've been on firday. I was upset by three male friends. unnecessarily so. I'm sure i was overly sensitive. First it was a friend who lives in Paris and said he wasn't really bothered whether i came to visit or not it was up to me. This was at a time when we were trying to decide on a suitable date for me to go there since i'm exhausted and he has a spare bedroom that i could chill out with in between sipping cafeau laits in the cafes. I took this badly. Im sure he didnt mean it "like that" but what i heard in my mind was "it doesn't matter whether i see u or not". This from someone who phones me at midnight just to see if how I am?! and why did i get so upset???

Then i went to a birthday party where one manager happened to be and the first thing he said was "please don't be late for work tomorrow...." I was livid, thretened to leave the party but then thought to myself "what the heck is wrong with you?" So i went to the bathroom and go a grip on my emontions. I did cry for a minute much later when someone decided to play an awfully melancholic song my Queen and I kept saying I wanted my mummy which muct have been embarassing for them because they know my mother is dead. I say that as a joke but i know some people sometimes get uncomfortabkle.

anyway, a day before that i had thretened to quit work because something wasn't going right. I felt like i was working with ididots and i was tired of being undervalued.

Happily i think my hormones have settled ...a little bit any way. im still tired but i have decided i will go to paris and stay in a hotel and maybe phone him up and ask him to join me for a drink if he's got that, not that im bothered if he doent or doesn't. mmhhh, maybe the hormones havent quite settled then. That's the beauty of being a woman

Went to a house party on saturday, before my cold really turned into mild flu. My friend shares a flat with a barzilian couple. they have been together for 15 years and the girl is only now 29yrs. He cheats on her regulalry and they have arguments about his wayward willy all the time but he refuses to learn to peak English and go out and have her own life. Instead she threatens to kill herself if he leaves her which would be selfish as she has a little boy.

Anyway, the party almost didnt happen because she was thretening not to attend or help cook. the usual thing then. I arrived with a friend and the party was almost in full swing. everyone was dressed up, there was a couple there young looking couple, a brazilian boy and a portuguese girl and one other flatmate who is portuguese but his stunning girlfriend is french. they are barely in their 20s, i should have felt ancient but i was actually in my elemnet. I can handle young men and women. We all chatted, a weird woman i had met at the flat before came in, my friend didnt recognise her(the one who lives in that flat), she started speaking to the girl i had come with. they are both from Poland and discovered they know the same person/families etc. The playboy husband started saying a few phrases in polish which my friend translated. he knows a lot of intimate terms it seems...the bone of contention between the coupld. Why does he need to know "i love you, i miss you, i wannna make love to you" in polish when he has a portuguese wife.

Most people know he has a girl from poland who keeps telling him she wants to spend her life with him. He tried to get "fresh" with all the girls there and his poor stubborn wife was getting upset. Otherwise the food was great, they'd got a massive fish from the market,it looked more like a shark and everyone devoured it and more.

later on asi was leaving, the other boy(with the portuguese girl) came down to say goodbye and told me he wants to invite me to his birthday party and blew me kisses. i blew kisses back, i was slightly tipsy and of course i was flirtting with everyone. Last night i got a text from my friend in the flat telling me the young man was asking for my phone number. I said, he's mad, his girlfriend will kill him and me after. I also asked how old he was. Apparently he is 21. he looks it or younger. It apppears he'd also asked if he could sleep in my friend's bed on the night of the party. I didnt bother to ask where the girlfriend was expected to sleep.

I am not looking at barzilian men or boys. they seem to want their cake and eat it too. but a 21yr old is just pushing it too far with me...

As I waited for the tube in Ladbroke grove, a young girl with a rather colourful coat, tights and white boots pushed past me to hop in first. I thought "how bloody rude!" took a good look at her and realised she was the spawn of Bob Geldof, he who has been trying (in vain) to save Africa. she said opposite me and proceeded to study the map above my head with peculiar interest. It was pixie not peaches. the people in the carriage naturally stole glances at her, eventually the tube got to paddington where some guy sat next to her and started asking her rather personal questions about peaches. She said loudly that she now lived in new york at i couldn't get the rest. The bloke got off, then the pretty blonde next to her introduced herself and asked her to look at her artwork. Now why would a woman in her 20s studying at an art college gush at some kid who has just finished school? it was really important for this girl to get pixie's opinion. she said she just needed to know if she liked her work. I wondered what she would do if pixie didnt like her work, would she give up or what? bizzare.

Then on saturday "elliot" from Holby city came to my cafe for coffee. we had a new girl who was in training, i came back from my break to see a man waiting. I took one look and had to stop myself from doing a double take but he looked staright at me and smiled ...just a hint. I did the same and made his coffee again(because i knew it would be great!). i really wanted to gush and say "I love elliot" but i thought it best not to. The poor man was just out for the day and didnt need to be accosted. I do the same with carol thatcher who is always rather jumpy and all over the place.she always looks down as if trying not to be recognised but with her 2interesting2 outfits, you cant miss her.

I thought it couldnt get any better but yesterday an unshaven and rather dishevelled graham Norton decided to walk his dogs(with a friend) along the south bank. fair enough, fresh air and everything. When they got to the clink museum the one dog wouldn't budge. I was coming round the corner when i heard him say to the friend"um...is that a poo or a pee". The guy and in a highly cam voice and striking a pose said "oh definitely a poo!". so graham rummaged through his bag for a poo bag i guess and then one memeber of the public decided to congratulate him in a loud voice for picking up after his dog, calling him Mr graham norton as well. I think graham wanted to punch him but he couldnt because he had to scoop poo.

A rather interesting weekend seeing our so-called celebrities trying to be...civilians. Liz hurley's word not mine.

Dont they give up? do i have to be greeted by this crap below in my inbox?!

Hello,
From: jackson_1969@sohu.com
You may not know this sender. Mark as safe | Mark as unsafe
Sent:15 August 2008 05:35:47 PM
To: jackson_1969@sohu.com

Hello, Wishing you, your family and well wishers a happy, joyfully and prosperous New Year! I hope this mail meets you well. I duly apologize if am interfering on your privacy if this request is not acceptable to you. First, I didn't come to you by chance nor by accident, I have come to you because your names has planted you in the centre of relevant in my life and my professional career as a banker at this very moment of my life. But before I go further I will like to introduce myself to you for better understanding. My name is Mr.David Jackson, Banker with a reputable bank here in Cote d’Ivoire ( Ivory Coast ) and I am contacting you in regards to a business transfer of a large sum of money from a dormant account. Though I know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that all will be well at the end of the day. I was the personal accounts manager to a deceased customer, a foreigner, Mr Joseph , who had an account with us here in Cote d’Ivoire ( Ivory Coast ). On July 7, 2005, series of coordinated terrorist bomb blasts hit the London Subways, resulting in the loss of more than 52 people and unfortunately my client, his wife, and their three children were among the people that died on that fateful day. Since then I have made several inquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but has been unsuccessful. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name over the internet, to see if I could locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. Of particular interest is this huge deposit with our bank here in my country Cote d’Ivoire in west Africa (Ivory Coast), where the deceased has an account valued at about (15 million British Pounds Sterling).They have issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or our bank will declare the account unserviceable and thereby send the funds to the bank treasury. Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for the past years, I will seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased, since you share the same last name with the deceased so that the proceeds of this account valued at (15 million British Pounds Sterling) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us seeing this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under all legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. In your reply mail, I want you to give me your full names, address, date of birth, telephone and fax numbers. If you can handle this with me, reach me now for more details.I can be easily reaches through this email id jack1_69@yahoo.fr Thanking you for your anticipated cooperation. Sincerely, Mr.David Jackson.

My nephew went off the rails 3yrs ago when my mother died. I guess we all went off thr rails in different ways. he was only 13 at the time i think. he got involved with bad boys and started smking weed and good knows what else. He lives abroad so i don't see him a lot. I got a message from a cousin today saying i should ring as he is really ill. I got upset naturally thinking the worst. i always think the worst.

I am frustrated because he was sent to some kind of rehab, I think as soon as he started displaying withrawal symptoms, they sent him home, said he sick and he should be sent to hopsital. I dont understand, i am not getting clear communication from his mother, my sister, or my brother so im sitting here feeling miserable and unable to help. what will a phone call do? I want to see if he can get proper help and in a proper rehab, he can't just die at 16!! i couldn't bear it.

Another friend/colleague today looked very depressed. I teased him and said maybe he was having his period. he can be such a drama queen when he likes. Eventually he called me outside and explained why he was especially grumpy today. he is feeling depressed because he feels like he is wasting his life and can't decide whether to stay in London or move back to France. He had a zexual encouter last year without a condom, the fucker gave him HIV/ I think it was a big step for him to trust me and off load. he hasnt been for couselling. insists he is ok, clearly he isn't.I can offer an ear but i think he needs to talk to professionals who can offer him hope so he slows down and doesnt think he'll die soon. His depression worries me, it's simmering beneath the surface and i am afraid he might hurt himself. He is only 26!!

I insisted today that he sees someone and even offered a place i know of in west london. I have offered to go with him to a couselling centre of his choosing but made him promise to honour his commitment sometime in this coming week. I will be upset if he doesn't do it.

I think it was a little too much for me to get all the news today. I care a lot but i would rather not have heard all this. I now want to have a good cry and i'm not even a crier usually.

Thank you for lending an ear, i had to offload